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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Sunday, August 05, 2007 11:42 PM
Posts: 1,
Visits: 5
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hiya,
Here's one for ya! i'm 30 weeks pregnant, and have been with my partner for 2.5 years. The pregnancy was planned and we adore each other, but for the last 2 months he has become increasingly depressed. There are many factors contributing to his depression, but probably - more than likely - it stems from a chemical imbalance, as he has had it from a very young age.
The thing is, up until the last year, he has lived a pretty wild life - working as a bouncer, travelling, partying and playing footy. He's now 45, and has 2 businesses, we built a house last year that has a fairly hefty mortgage, a dog, a partner and a bub on the way. So yep - there are elements that scream 'mid-life crisis'.
He has no interest in being involved in the pregnancy or birth. He's never been to an ultrasound or antenatal visit with me, doesn't want to come to antenatal classes, and doesn't want to be there for the birth.
He has very good control over his display of emotion - he has such a good facade that nearly no-one but me knows how much he is a train-wreck inside. He's always used excercise as his outlet - footy, mountain-biking, the gym, boxing etc. But this time its not curbing the anxiety. He's not sleeping, and his enormous appetite is a shadow of its former self.
He is also craving sexual attention from other women. He's talked to me about this and ensured that it has nothing to do with me, and i do get that. He's finding my usually slim, athletic body unattractive and although we are still having sex, it's me who is initiating it. I guess he gets through it with fantasy. Again - i know it's not personal - he loves me to death and knows it's temporary, but .... ouch!
On the flipside, i have been coping very well with this pregnancy. I have had a fair bit of thereapy before for differing reasons, so have the tools to use to get through this and stay afloat. I've always believed that when it comes down to it and the baby is born, he will take to it like a fish to water - but he needs to get rid of these demons that are running around in his psyche. He has accepted that he has to see a GP... and will do so tomorrow. I think he may be thinking that antidepressants are the answer. Maybe they are, but i would like him to try kinesiology. How do you get a man to try holistic, natural therapy instead of drugs?
Bec
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, December 15, 2008 3:50 PM
Posts: 17,
Visits: 31
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| You've probably forgotten this post altogether by now, but I saw it sitting on its lonesome and thought I'd reply. Anti-depressants probably aren't a bad idea, by the sounds of things, but I would suggest counselling too. Facing fatherhood can raise a lot of issues around one's own parenting, even if it's just at an unconscious level. You may be right that it's midlife issues, or it may be a combination of things, but anti-depressants may make him feel better without really addressing what's underneath. As to how you get him to go to counselling (or kinesiology for that matter), that's tricky, because "you can lead a horse to water ..." And he sounds like a typical bloke who doesn't know how to express his feelings, and would probably baulk at the idea of opening up to anyone. Perhaps mensline might be a less threatening start for him?
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