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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: Monday, September 01, 2008 12:03 AM
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| I have been married for 14years and have 2 wonderful kids (7 year boy & 4 year girl) we have been separated for 5 months and tried to get back together. She put me through hell and left me again after I put in 110%. Two weeks after this she has another man regularly at my house and I find out through my kids. I was careful not to put things in their heads even though I was hurting. After calling my kids last night to say goodnight she gave me the cruelest serving i have ever had in my life telling me to stop putting things inside my sons head. She told me to f# off, stop f#ing with her sons head and that I was f#ed. She said I can no longer see my kids and to get an f#ing lawyer. I have had my lawyer lodge an order with the court but what do I do now. I have limited funds and will have to take out a loan. How do I see my kids and also get my stuff back from my house beacause I am sure by the way she spoke she will either give it away or? I am in shock! There is are no orders in place or avo's. Just child support based on 52 nights a year.
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
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Hi Coreye
My partner had and still to this day has massive problems with his ex ( this has gone on for 5 years for us ) regarding their kids.
my first piece of advice to you is to never ever, no matter how pissed off you are, say anything negative to the kids or in front of the kids about the other parent. that is a tragic mistake that alot make and it can cause alot of damage to kids. next, if you are low on money have you tried to apply for legal aid to help with lawyers costs? if you do go through court they will probably order you and your wife to go through mediation before anything else( this is a service provded by lifeline or relationships australia which is free or of minimal cost ). they do this to give parents a chance to sit down in a mutual environment to discuss care of the kids etc without arguing - you either go together or seperately whichever is more comfortable. once you go through mediation a parenting plan is put in place which you can make binding by getting a lawyer to write up a consent order.
by not allowing you access to your children she is not doing the right thing by you but she is mostly doing the wrong thing by the kids. kids blame themselves when parents break up and by her denying access to you they will have an underlying thought that it is their fault.
as far as getting your stuff, if she wont let you in the house you can get a police escort. just contact your local police for more info.
also you can go for more care time of your children than 52 nights per year, laws are slowly changing to make things fairer for fathers.
in my situation as the years go on the ex gets worse. she totally brainwashes the kids and tells them things like we dont love them, their sisters( my and my partners children) arent their sisters, and she tells them how much she hates me and wants to kill me etc we just keep in mind that at the end of the day when the kids are old enough they will realise what she has done all these years was wrong.
i hope i have helped you, it is not an easy road when dealing with exes and legal stuff. just remember as tough as it is the kids come first and just reassure them every chance you get how much you love them and always have fun with them.
good luck!!
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: Monday, September 01, 2008 12:03 AM
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| Thanks for your support. The problem is not so much getting angry but emotional whenever I see her. It really hurts when I do this in front of the kids no matter how much I try. She is using this against me. She backed down after my lawyer sent her a letter and I had the kids this weekend. When I dropped them off my mindset was to drop them, say goodbyes and organise the next weekend ends visit. I did this and then tried to engage her. Of course her new peice of meat is there in the background and I made it clear I didn't want to talk with the kids there. Of course she stands between me and the kids with numb nuts in earshot and I end up argueing with her again (I did not raise my voice at all). I just keep making this same mistake and it is hurting me even more when my daughter starts crying. After almost 6 months of stress it is starting to eat me up and we're not even close to sorting things out. By the way I do not qualify for legal aid.
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
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i understand to a point where you are coming from. unfortunate that you dont qualify for legal aid. what about the mediation - it would be beneficial for you to try and initiate that and may eventually work in your favour. another thing you can do is keep a diary of the interaction you have with your ex, also if you make purchases for the kids while in your care keep reciepts etc. i know it sounds like alot of work but in the end if she is as bad as you say she is ( arguements etc) then all this will work against her in the long run.
good on you for not losing your cool with her in front of the kids - this will also be her downfall as the kids will come to realise that mum always yells and dad doesnt. as hard as it is, get mad when you get home - let out your anger and emotions by excersise or even go see a counsellor to help you though these emotional times.
my other half has been through hell and back with his ex and i think i mentioned it continues to this day - she has even gone as far to tell the kids that he isnt their father!! and i think the kids are emotionally damaged because of her - meanwhile she thinks that she is the best mother around and everything she does is right and good no matter if its hurling abuse over the phone or starting an arguement in public its whatever goes with her and yes we are emotionally strained also.
keep posting on how you are going - all the best.
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: Monday, September 01, 2008 12:03 AM
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Thanks again for your reply I've put some effort in and found a private mediator who has a lot of experience with family law and is willing to help me out privately (she works for relationships australia and has also worked for a family law firm) I am waiting for a phone call from her to start things moving as quickly as possible. Apparently supposed to be cheaper than a lawyer.
I spoke with my kids last night on the phone to say goodnight and my four 1/2 year old daughter says to me "I was crying for you Daddy because mummy was mean to you and you were upset" Kind of makes you realise that they are much smarter and resiliant than we give them credit for. Certainly brought a tear to my eye though.
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 7:25 PM
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Mate your story has parallels, not with me but with my ex-partner in Adelaide. She and her ex split a few years ago and her ex had someone living there within a couple of weeks. Caused bad scarring to the kids, especially the older daughter who was about 12 at the time.
I met her about 8 months later and after a fairly short period we decided to move in together.
I tried to get on with him for the kids' sake as for a while there her and him couldn't communicate civilly. It sort of worked for a while, but we knew he was saying nasty things about me and their mum to them. There was also one time I was there with just the older daughter and he just dumped the 2 boys (4 and 10) at the front door with no explanation when it was supposed to be his week. Their mum was working overnight so me and the daughter had to calm them down and get them to sleep.
Later when he calmed down and we had threatened not to let him have them any more he came and talked to me and explained that it was hard for him to know I was there being their father in his place (he didn't say anything about his new piece acting as mum every 2nd week). I did tell him that I was never trying to be their father in his place, but I would be there for them to help them when they needed me and hopefully be their friend.
It all worked out in the end and both mum & dad managed to start getting on. Unluckily it didn't work out between her and me but that's a different story.
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