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Junior Member
 
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Last Login: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 12:45 PM
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Hiyah,
Well the thing is I had a phonecall from a friend last night who said Sarahs mother was not in work yesterday herself so god knows what is going on. The fact of the matter is that she goes through these phases where she communicates and those where she shuts herself off. The same friend asked me not to go back to the UK because she said if I did, when Sarah finds out she would go off the edge. It would be the end of her. So basically she is not in hospital I have checked but she could be in rehab. I hope she is and she found it easier to push me away rather than put me through what she thinks is worse. the only times she has told me to go was drunk, as said, or after an argument. Any other time has either been good contact or no contact at all. With anyone so it points to the fact that she still needs support. I had a paranoid thought that she had another guy but as my friend said she would not have been so loving to me or paranoid that I would leave her if she had another guy. She was in tears to AA saying I was going to leave here the last time she busted with me around. I will always be there for her as I now believe not just think that she needs me.
Your thoughts?
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
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Just be careful that she is not just playing you. I know that i dont know either of you and i really, for both your sakes (and sanity) hope that she is getting the help she needs. what is her mother like? is she interfering? do you and her get along well?
i remember a time with my partners ex where she had disappeared for a couple of days and her boyfriend at the time didnt know where she was but it turned out that she was at another guys house ( as it turns out he is her current boyfriend) even though her and the guy at the time were living together and
'working things out'" as it turned out the only thing she was trying to work out was how to find a new boyfriend so she could dump the other one and using everyone and everything she could. mind you this woman that i am talking about is a really nasty piece of work and what makes things harder for us is the fact children are involved because she likes to use them as leverage at times.
anyway stay positive and stick with the old saying - "no news is good news" and hopefully you will hear something soon.
keep in touch.
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Junior Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 12:45 PM
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| I know this sounds trite but I do not think this would be the case. She would be at least be in touch with the authorities about me or for the bank. They are trying to get hold of her too. The fact is I think she is at home in shutdown . Drinking or in rehab (I hope). She has not returned friends calls or anything. Believe me she has been honest with mates about dating guys when we were apart and I do not think they would keep it from me this time. They are not like that at all. And their mother would difinitely be straight up with me for sure. No I just think she is not well and her mother is doing all she can to keep us apart. She told me to leave Sarah when she was at work so when she came home I would simply be gone. What sort of mother says that ? She also told guys she was with when we were apart to get lost when we got back together and also changed her number so they could not reach her. likewise with me. I changed my number so none of my exes could reach me. Believe me she was 100% loving and attentive and effort making up until the last minute after that argument that almost drove her to drink. I think she is so worried about busting and smashing everything in the flat over my head again so that I need a paramedic that she pushed me away so she can get drunk without interruption or incident. Thoughts? I have thought about another guy but it would not make sense and in all fairness I have no proof of it. When she used to disappear before until 3am I would find the car in a tip, booze inside it and urine on the seat so it is clear thats where she was.
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
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its hard to really know what to say. in times like this nothing makes sense until days, weeks or months down the track you can look back on the situation and piece it all together. i know this sounds like stalking but would it hurt to drive by (not get out or anything - just dirve by)and see if you can tell if anyone is home? it may give you some piece of mind.
have you tried contacting her mother again - it is totally unfair if anyone does know anything to keep you in the dark as they must realise your level of concern.
partners ex would smash lamps etc over his head when she was drunk ambos would come to stitch him up, and yeah she would apologise later but from what i have told you through these posts you can see where that has lead.
can you access any joint bank accounts or anything to see if she has been making withdrawls etc that might give you some indication of where she may be at.
i know some of the suggestions/comments i have arent always positive but in situations such as these you really need to ready for any scenario that may arise.
keep in touch
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Junior Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 12:45 PM
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Hiyah,
The onoy times she has said get lost was after an argument before which her AA sponsor told her to leave her husband whilst getting sober. That was out of order and Sarah was in tears about it when she spoke to me. They live in a unit so there is no point in driving past as there is a garage and short of ringing the doorbell there is no way of finsing out even by looking for a car. Her mother is part of the problem as Sarah started drinking heavily whilst we were apart the first time for 3 years and was liviing with her mother then. The problem is that the only mutual friends I trust she is not returning calls to either. On the one saturday when she contacted me 6 times in one hour by text and call she contacted them and even contacted them back when they did not respond to ask them why they had not answered. Sop that one day she was in a chatty mood and since has go0ne back downhill. So what I am saying is that I know she is staying at her mothers place because she called me from there last weds drunk and had a go at me. Since then she has gone of the face of the earth. She is either there or in rehab as she has nowhere else to go and no money to do it with God love her. The ONLY thing I can do is wait. People who have known her since she was 10 are as much in tha dark as we are. The lady she stayed with for 3 weeks after she came in 2004 does not know anything either and her mother who is the ladys best friend is not speaking to her at the moment. This means she is not well at all. Ranks have been closed. Everything simply points to someone who is messed up, not well, in the madness of alcoholism and is ashamed of what she has done and how she has acted. All I can do is ride it out and be there for her. I trust in her love. I know why she lashes out and why she pushes me away. I know that . I know her soul is good and she is doing this out of defensiveness. I also trust the lady would have told me there was no point if there was not. She actually asked me not to leave Australia.
Thoughts?
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
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| you are right - all you can do is wait. | | | |