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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, January 03, 2009 11:37 PM
Posts: 8,
Visits: 14
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| I recently met the perfect man through some friends but he's just divorced after his wife left him for a close mate. Hence, he's very, very damaged emotionally. We spent about a week together and it was just perfect - exactly what both of us needed. We both acknowledged that we wanted a relationship together and began to discuss how we could slowly introduce the idea of us to his daughter who spends every second week with him. However, as quickly as it began he 'pulled the pin' on everything, apologising profusely for hurting me by doing so. He was very complimentary and confessed that he 'thought he was ready but he's not'. I accept this - I know he's been honest with me. The problem is, I am devastated. I was very ready and really do feel that he was 'right' for me and I for him. It's been three months since and we've had some contact over emails only (i can't bring myself to phone) and the contact is generally of a non-personal or trivial type. All contact is initiated by me. If I say anything complimentary or kind he does not reply. Advice I've had is to keep in touch as a friend but allow him his space to grieve etc. and when he's ready he might let me know. At the time, he said he expected I'd have 'moved on' by the time he was ready but I don't meet that many men I feel strongly for (usually meet about one every two-three years) so I'm not sure I will have. I'm happy to be friends but must admit to myself that I would really like something more. I really need a man's perspective on this because it's not an experience I've ever dealt with before and neither have any of my friends. Are there any men out there that can clarify what is the best thing for me to do? - I haven't 'harrassed' him, have most definitely given him his space etc and will continue to but I am wondering if I should bother to continue staying in touch now and then or disappear completely for a while. I'd really like a few blokes to give me their experienced advice on this.
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, January 03, 2009 11:37 PM
Posts: 8,
Visits: 14
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| further info - he rarely contacts the mutual friends these days - they are also friends for many years with the ex and the offending mate. only regular female friend he sees is openly gay and unconnected with the past.
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, January 03, 2009 11:37 PM
Posts: 8,
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but he always replies when I'm cheeky and flirtatious. make no sense to me at all!
blokes PLEASE explain...........................
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Junior Member
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Last Login: Friday, June 13, 2008 5:53 PM
Posts: 13,
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| In the absence of a direct explanation from him, from the information you've given, I would suggest that he still has feelings for his ex-wife and, despite his divorce being finalised, has not finally let go of that relationship. Is there any evidence of this?
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, January 03, 2009 11:37 PM
Posts: 8,
Visits: 14
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| that is a possibility. He tried very hard to keep the relationship going - heaps of counselling etc prior to end and after but it did nothing for them - she was screwing around with his mate for ages before they split and wasn't interested in him at all.
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Friday, June 13, 2008 5:53 PM
Posts: 13,
Visits: 69
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| It could also simply be that, although he really likes you, he is scared of being hurt again - despite our bravado, men get just as scared as women about being hurt. The reactions you describe when you say encouraging and nice things to him could suggest that he is hearing similar things from you that he heard from his ex-wife and he's thinking - "well if one women I loved said these sorts of things and broke my heart anyway, maybe this one will do that too?". If this is the case, the only way to move past might be to put some of these thoughts to him and if they are accurate the two of you could seek professional couples counseling to see if sufficient trust and confidence can be built to move your relationship forwards.
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