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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, November 17, 2008 7:25 PM
Posts: 2,
Visits: 5
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Hi all, I feel quite desperate at the moment and would like to hear people's views.
My Dad's health (both pyhsical and metal) is declining, he suffered multiple mini strokes, and now at the age 60 is in complete denial about whats happening to him. From being a fit, active man three years ago, he now cannot walk without an aid. His condition has given a blow to his outlook on life and does not wish to discuss how he is feeling with anyone, not my Mum or any other member of the family and most importantly his treating Doctor.
He has lost his independence, recently he did not qualify for a license and so can no longer drive. He does not have regular contact with male friends and would rather stay at home instead of catching a taxi or bus to go out.
Although he is restricted physically with his walking capabilities, it's his metal health that we are most conerned about. He is very emotional, at the sight of any of his children, tears swell up, even watching the tv he can get choked up. We are all very supportive when he does get emotional. The hard thing is getting him to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. As mentioned above he is in denial that he has had mini strokes and sees no need to see the Doctor. He blames Mum for calling the ambulance when he had the stroke and having to stay in hospital for a week. He also blames her for not having a license. I understand that he is very frustrated inside but it is becoming unbearable that he does not accept any help. I also worry for my Mum's well-being, she loves my Dad very much but I really get worried that if my Dad doesn't take action on his health and improve his condition, he will deteriorate and drag Mum down with him. My Husband has tried talking to him, and so have my Uncles, he just doesn't recognise that anything has happened to him. He can be very cranky and can snap at anything, even complete stangers.
What is also difficult is when he was in the hospital he was not honest to the Doctor and continues to be this way to his GP. He will tell them that he only has a sore knee and that it is getting better. What on earth can we do to make him realise that we are not out to ridicule him of his condition but are there to support him and enjoy his company for the coming years. I feel fed up, but would never let my Dad know that. What can I do?....
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Wednesday, April 02, 2008 12:55 PM
Posts: 10,
Visits: 68
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Your father is going through a grief and loss process and this follows a predicatable path. Having said that, it takes each individual a differrent amount of time to deal with the grief.
He is facing loss issues on a number of issues:
*Loss of health and facing mortality.
*Loss of independance.
*Loss of role - provider, worker, father etc.
In a person that has had a stroke, it is very common for them to be left with a level of emotional lability, they become tearful at the drop of a hat and the emotions are generally mixed up and unpredictable.
The grief cycle includes shock, denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. A person can spend any amount of time in each and may go backwards and forwards between them at times.
Point to remember is that what he is feeling is "normal" and he simply needs your support and understanding.
With modern techniques and medications, it is possible that he will, over time, make a full recovery.
Hang in there, be available to him, don't judge or jump to the "worst possible" scenario.
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