InstantForum.NET v4.1.4Mensline Australia Discussion Forumhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/forum@menslineaus.org.auSat, 06 Sep 2008 12:11:12 GMT20http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic716-6-1.aspxwww.FavorGoods.com Factory outlet prices on over 10,000 sporting goods, we offers a large variety of shoes now to pick from…. We offer Dropshipping and also carry t-shirts/jeans/ shorts all name brand items, Visit us: http://www.FavorGoods.com/Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:32:47 GMThame451http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic702-6-1.aspxHow did I become this person to the one person i loved the most. I had it all a beautiful wife and a beautiful 12 mth old son, i should have been the luckiest man in the world to have such loving people in my life. We got married in 2006 and my wife fell pregnant a short time after, i can remember how excited an happy we were screaming and shouting as we both couldn't wait to let our family know of the good news. Only a few months in to the pregnancy, i took a turn for the worse, i found jealousy and depression. Not realizing that then, but knowing this now, (you will know once you stop and look hard at yourself and rewind the brain)i became aargumentivewith my wife about everything and we would call each other names and tell each other how much we hated each other. I being the person i was believed that if my wife said she hated me, well she hated me and that was it. (But what she was trying to say was i hate the person that you have become). I never let that feeling go, i battled with those words for a long time, moody all the time snapping at my wife friends and family for no apparent reasons, i was having my own pregnancy i was letting the devil grow inside of me. With pride and the demon inside me i became my own worst enemy, all my wife did i turned it in to negatives, pushed all the blame to her to justify my actions. Things i did made me feel better, revengeful, strong, superior, and satisfied. These are the things i did: question who she was on the phone too, if she was happy i would nit pick at her till we had a fight, yell abuse to make her feel worthless, call her names, bring up the past, snoop at her private things, ignore her, put her down, accused her of flirting with men on the internet, question her new clothes, belittled her, lied, threaten, and im suI theres more.But wait, this is the best part, to me it was normal i accepted that this beautiful person that had a son to me would put up with it forever.Febuary Februaryas the wifes brwifeg point, wtih all her mite she got me out locked the door behind me, and my pride with my little demon still growing inside me laughed out loud cursing and swearing as i was picking up my clothes of the lawn.Months had passed and we made efforts for our son and i would spend weekends with them my wife trying to see if maybe she over reacted or i had done something to change my anger and jealousy, was it possible that we could live together with our son. No, of cause not i was still on my destruction path with my demon twin, and anything nice she suggested or tried i would turn it in to @#$!. my emotions took over, jealousy escaladed, depression, anger doubled, confusion, and my new friend called PAY BACK.With all that she tried and fix, i did nothing, nothing but revenge her for making live away from them, my thoughts of her being unfaithful, restricting me of her movements, thinking she was putting me down, plus a host of negatives i was playing through disturbed mind, got me nothing more then a bigger and deeper black hole.The point of no return, was a saturday in july 2008, i arrived angry, my wife seen the signs, but she tried to ignore it and was friendly to me. I took my son to the park for a while and then returned. her sister and friend called in and i started to feel different, we all went inside i steppped out side to have a smoke and when i walked in they were at my wifes computer laughing at some sought of dating sight, my anger turned in to rage, i went got in my car and parked thinking my wife was showing them men that she had met on the internet. i sent her a text asking to let mde know when they were gone then i would return. Ten minutes had passed and my anger was building then a text came through from my wife giving me the all clear. i walked in and said im taking my son to the shops for an hour, and she yelled at me and refused as she was concerned of my state saying i was to UNSTABLE.I lost control emotions got away on me i screamed crying at her ripping my wired framed sunglasses in my hands not realizing the sharp edges stabbing in my palms, she grabbbed my son ran outside and called the police to frieghtened what i would do next.i got in my car and drove away shouting abuse with the peddle flat to the floor not caring what was in my path.I was given a domestic violence order, but i didnt care, i will find another way to destroy her i thought. Good the brains now working overtime, get a lawyer, get a councilor, tell my family, i want everyone how unfair that bitch of a wife is, how could she, she is so unstable, she needs help, who does she think she is, ring the cops on me eh, ill get you i thought.The more i blamed her and made her look evil and friends and family took my side the more damaging i got. I made everyone believe how destrutive she is, doesnt want me near my son, i started to be angry at her sister, because she made my wife laugh, my jealousy my anger turned me into a madman.My wifes mother tried to give me some words of wisdom and support, but i would snarl and feel she was siding with the wife. I was invited to my wifes family occasions and i would refuse thinking i would be laughed and judged at, so i thought no not giving them the satisfaction.What is going on here, whats happening, everyone i love i want in my life, all the stuff we did together and used to enjoy doing, im killing it all off, im that angry i cant control my sadness, lonliness, rejection,cant smile,laugh, or even feel sexually aroused.Saturday night im flushed, mentally fatigued, my wifes away with her family interstate, ill send some nasty messages then ill go to sleep, haha i feel better now, as i push send message.Sunday morning im up early, and i feel different, emptiness, a little weak,reserved. im in the shower longer then usaul not thinking of nothing,as i had run out of ideas. i jump out of shower walk in my room and stand in the mirror, staring right in to my eyes, and notice a tear coming out the corner of my eye. i start to wipe and say to myself who are you, what are you doing, and one tear ended up being a fountain of tears, i sat in front off the mirror feeling so empty so lonley so tired weak volunerable, beat, worthless, ugly, the emotions feelings were endless, that was my turning point and i still didnt know.I felt so deperate, i had questions i needed to ask, i rang a helpline for men, and as soon as i got through to an operator i was overwhelmed by tears and choking on my breath and couldnt get any words out, the man on the other end was trying to calm me down and told me to take my time, there was no rush breath your doing the right thing, im here for you, i wont hang up and let you down, when your ready mate and feel like saying something say it, i want to know you. That was it a stranger that did not know me or my wife he couldnt take sides, i was silent for about 2 minutes, he said his name cant remember now and asked me mine, i choked a little and then sobbed please help me ive messed right up i dont know whats going on anymore, i have so much pain inside please help me. After a while we got talking with alot of my heart ache, and as it happened that Sunday afternoon i went to a mens council group and that was where i wanted to be listening to men with the same fears and problems, spoke 1 on 1 to a councilor, i finaly did something for myself, i felt different, happy, good, relaxed.Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:02:30 GMTalsmindhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic684-6-1.aspxBeing beautiful doesn’t mean happiness, whilst you’re chasing this perfection you’re so sure that soon you will be happy, finally you have transformed your exterior and your interior is still lost.In fact you wonder why now, with the appearance you have achieved, people are more interested in knowing you, if given the chance. You become not just another norm, but a popular. I wasn’t ever unpopular. But I wasn’t ever placed in such a highly respected position. By some. Although you are receiving such respect it disgusts you that it takes so much to attain this, yet I am still the same inside. Why was I not appreciated in the first instance, for just being a good person. I am still a good person, just a sadder good person. People who get given the title, “Bitch” may seem cold but they don’t get used and abused. Therefore they must be happier than I. I thought being attractive would stop the beatings, my theory it is harder to smack a cute puppy than its grown form. I still get beaten, in fact it is worse, in attempt to improve myself, and prove myself as worthy of being treated humanely. I have created insecurities, in the one person’s opinion I was hoping to change. And the fact is with all the extra attention based on your exterior, you find yourself feeling like a piece of meat. Attention based on the one thing I thought would make me happier, but it doesn’t. Funny thing is now at this point having achieved what I have I can’t let it slip. People’s perceptions cannot be altered now. More importantly, He is more judgemental now, although he may have always been, but I was happier so it worried me less. If you feel love you give love. If you feel hate, you close yourself from those who can hurt you. And only keep a piece of your heart open to those more vulnerable and in need of protection. Though you are sure soon the vulnerable may grow to be like them, learning that to take side of the controlling party is in their best interest. So you give and you wait. Happiness has a scale 1- 100. I can see that now, I have not been 100% in the last few yrs in fact I can’t remember when I was 100%. Not anymore, I used to remember the good times he and I had. My head has shut it all out now, in protection of my heart. Just hopelessness now. So what do I do? Anticipate change; wait for a bit, run now. I am always making excuses, wasting my life, potentially risking its end. And what of the vulnerable.No one should care; it is selfish to expect anyone other than myself to help. You can’t be helped if you won’t help yourself. I won’t. Sure I can make excuses as to what’s wrong with situation; his mental health, a moment in the past that changed it all or it’s just me (his excuse), although I know that it’s not. I am smart enough to know that. I am the victim, but victimising myself not out of need for attention, something is just not letting me out. Placing an excuse on the problem gives potential for solving it. The problem is NOW; the current situation is not healthy. Not healthy for anyone involved. Not healthy for bystanders even. It is my own fault that I am still in this situation and I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced by this. I hate having people feel sorry for me, I want to seem together not in need of support. I am good at making covers, I can accomplish a grade that people can envy, I can stay “pretty” so I must be loved. I can seem together, even if I am not. It’s so easy for people judge, if they knew, instantly they would think I am stupid for staying where I am, so much easier to say than to do. I always saw these types of situations on the TV, and I couldn’t understand why they always went back. In this position you only befriend those who won’t judge and who relate. Although I am alone, my closet friends can’t and won’t really ever understand me and my situation. I have started to fight back, punch for punch. I am hoping he will see me agro and think it odd, correcting his own behaviour. That and if I am going to get hit I may as well deserve it. So far I feel better, but still sad. I have seen fear in his eyes. That pleases me. But the fighting continues. As partners you are meant to work together, be friends, best friends. My girl friends would never treat me in such a manner. How did it get to this? Surely we liked each other in the beginning? Perhaps it’s Love that keeps us in this place or fear of the unknown, or fear of being alone. Being alone doesn’t leave me bruised and battered though.Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:15:41 GMTmally khttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic137-6-1.aspxHi I’m 17 years of age and I am seeking help and advice because I love and want to help my partner, who I have been with for 1.5 years and had got engaged 1 week before my Sweet 16th birthday (yes a bit quick, but I was sure I could handle it... until the real him bit by bit came to the surface) (cliché as it sounds but true). Where do I start there is so much to say and it doesn’t help that some of the issues I have had thrown at me by my partner, I have never come across with in any previous relationship before or are just so far over my head due to my age (Not that I am immature or anything). Well I suppose I’ll give you a heads up on the back ground information so then you may be able to refer me to some avenues of help I can get.I’m 17 and have finished year 12 last year and still currently living at home while doing a course at Tafe. I am quite a head strong girl who doesn’t comply to ‘peer pressure’ so I never have been involved in smoking, drugs, alcohol, drugs, sex and the like. I was and still am quite a respected young lady and have always had an above reproach to things and heavily involved in church. Well that last one stopped after we got engaged.Three months of careful consideration and courting after my partner asked me out I finally said yes to begin the journey of boy friend and girl friend. This was a stressful time at that with my exams and coming down with a very bad case of glandular fever didn't help. We were very open from the very start with past relationship/ boundaries/beliefs’ and so forth seen as I was a virgin and he had been in numerous sexual relationships (Some were rather awful but I put my faith in God and took his word that he was a deferent man now and what he did in the past cant be change but now and the future can be worked on).Alright now on to the issues we are trying to resolve:1. Smoking, well I knew he was a full time smoker but we agreed that he will quit to save his health so that he can spend as much time with me on this earth and when it came to starting a family his sperm wont be totally shot, therefore already decreasing the chances of our children having the best start in life. I empathized with him on this account assuring him of the difficulty of committing to such a task, and was willing to give him the support and time, having already had friends and my own dad go through the same thing. But this brought up a new problem LIEING so what started of as a small problem it then got very big. He would lie in order to 'keep me happy' or 'to stop the hurt it would cause me' I tried explaining if he just would communicate in the first place about it instead of covering it up, and me finding out later there would be no hardship, because I don’t expect him to be cured just like that. But it’s now a year later he now lies about almost everything and still is smoking!2. Pornography. (Coming from a girl who thought Ralph was a porno mag but has now changed my view to what porn is now that I have seen the real thing). As a teenager he was very much into it (FROM MAGS TO MOVIES TO THE INTERNET it was left, right and centre), he turned to it for what we together worked out to be comforting and satisfying for him while he was bored or didn’t have a girl friend. I was convinced he no longer needed to have such filth and he disposed of all the mags that took up a good portion of his looked wardrobe (just under 90 mags). But as for the stuff on his comp it had to stay there because it was used by his younger brother and sister (even sicker they shared porn). So I thought the worst was dealt with. But I was wrong while doing some work on the computer I came across some weird titled files in my partners folder filled with the unthinkable (child pornography) confronting him about it was really painful and heart breaking but not as hard as it was to make the decision to stay and support, love and care for him and get him the help he deserves. So he has now agreed to see a councilor for his problem and admits that he has one, which was the biggest step I’ve seen him take in the space of time being with me. He can’t get in to see the councilor till late September but we are dealing with it till then.3. Aggressive/violent. If we have an argument and I’m holding and hugging him at the time he will push me away with a great deal of force if I don’t straight away let go. This has resulted with only minor injuries so far (sprains, bruises, bumps/lumps and once blood). But now must stop before he accidentally goes too far. He finds it hard to control his strength and anger, especial the weeks he’s at my house because it’s harder for him to sneak off and have a smoke without being caught. So his smoking habit I have now linked to his behavior because it was nil there when he was smoking 24/7, so that’s where all his anger and frustration went out on.4. Unfaithful. This would have to be the saddest of them all. And only happened on Saturday which shall we say was the last straw and I told him things are over if I physical don’t start seeing an effort into our relationship. This was a wake up call for him and not being by his side for the day or so showed him that he really needs me by his side and that he really did stuff up and that I meant business when I said it was over. I’m giving him a chance now to prove himself worthy again and he is now adhering to any help provided in order to make him a better man. He accepts the fact now that I have no trust for him what so ever and understands that I too will take time to heel.The unusual part of this is the girl he cheated on me with was actually me… I got a new sim card and for fun I didn’t tell him my number straight away and sent a message saying ‘Hi sexy’ he then seemed quite interested when he replied and I got this feeling he was actually wanting more, so I pretended to be a 15 yr old girl looking for some dirty messages and that I got his number of a mate of his. He more then obliged to get the ball rolling then giving his home number to do it over the phone, I was brought to tears and devastation then received another message saying he wouldn’t tell any one if I came up and he had sex with me (the 15 yr old Lisa that was in actual fact really his fiancé). I was very straight forward at the start of our relationship just like all my other relationships that I believe in no sex before marriage, but I suppose cause he was so much more older he was able to persuade me and I gave in (which shocked my self but I suppose I did feel ready and still look back and believe I was, it was simply he just wasn’t on the same level I was when we decided to but he’s male and I am female there’s two different levels there to begin with. And with time, soon came to realize that and so I stopped so he felt he had to go elsewhere which he knows was hurtful and wrong no matter how badly he wanted it. There is also the problem where he treats me good when I satisfy his sexual urges but when I don’t he doesn’t want to know or care even to show that he cares about me. We have now come to an agreement on no sexual contact till we get married (minus kissing and cuddling) the date is 18 months a way but will be altered if more time is needed or he doesn’t try to even help himself with the problems I am putting all my time and energy into resolving.Well this turned out to be longer then I thought well actually extremely long. But surprisingly there is still so much more stuff that I haven’t yet touched on. But starting with what I got written down so far is a start in itself. We will be starting counseling together next month, and my partner will be using this site and hotline and so will I to show that I am still very much so here for him. And I would very much appreciate any advice that could help us. I am very serious and committed in making this work and will be very thankful for any advice given.Cheers,MleWed, 22 Aug 2007 13:07:09 GMTMlehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic482-6-1.aspxI recently met the perfect man through some friends but he's just divorced after his wife left him for a close mate. Hence, he's very, very damaged emotionally. We spent about a week together and it was just perfect - exactly what both of us needed. We both acknowledged that we wanted a relationship together and began to discuss how we could slowly introduce the idea of us to his daughter who spends every second week with him. However, as quickly as it began he 'pulled the pin' on everything, apologising profusely for hurting me by doing so. He was very complimentary and confessed that he 'thought he was ready but he's not'. I accept this - I know he's been honest with me. The problem is, I am devastated. I was very ready and really do feel that he was 'right' for me and I for him. It's been three months since and we've had some contact over emails only (i can't bring myself to phone) and the contact is generally of a non-personal or trivial type. All contact is initiated by me. If I say anything complimentary or kind he does not reply. Advice I've had is to keep in touch as a friend but allow him his space to grieve etc. and when he's ready he might let me know. At the time, he said he expected I'd have 'moved on' by the time he was ready but I don't meet that many men I feel strongly for (usually meet about one every two-three years) so I'm not sure I will have. I'm happy to be friends but must admit to myself that I would really like something more. I really need a man's perspective on this because it's not an experience I've ever dealt with before and neither have any of my friends. Are there any men out there that can clarify what is the best thing for me to do? - I haven't 'harrassed' him, have most definitely given him his space etc and will continue to but I am wondering if I should bother to continue staying in touch now and then or disappear completely for a while. I'd really like a few blokes to give me their experienced advice on this.Sat, 24 May 2008 14:35:19 GMTbthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic349-6-1.aspxHi all, I feel quite desperate at the moment and would like to hear people's views.My Dad's health (both pyhsical and metal) is declining, he suffered multiple mini strokes, and now at the age 60 is in complete denial about whats happening to him. From being a fit, active man three years ago, he now cannot walk without an aid. His condition has given a blow to his outlook on life and does not wish to discuss how he is feeling with anyone, not my Mum or any other member of the family and most importantly his treating Doctor. He has lost his independence, recently he did not qualify for a license and so can no longer drive. He does not have regular contact with male friends and would rather stay at home instead of catching a taxi or bus to go out. Although he is restricted physically with his walking capabilities, it's his metal health that we are most conerned about. He is very emotional, at the sight of any of his children, tears swell up, even watching the tv he can get choked up. We are all very supportive when he does get emotional. The hard thing is getting him to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. As mentioned above he is in denial that he has had mini strokes and sees no need to see the Doctor. He blames Mum for calling the ambulance when he had the stroke and having to stay in hospital for a week. He also blames her for not having a license. I understand that he is very frustrated inside but it is becoming unbearable that he does not accept any help. I also worry for my Mum's well-being, she loves my Dad very much but I really get worried that if my Dad doesn't take action on his health and improve his condition, he will deteriorate and drag Mum down with him. My Husband has tried talking to him, and so have my Uncles, he just doesn't recognise that anything has happened to him. He can be very cranky and can snap at anything, even complete stangers. What is also difficult is when he was in the hospital he was not honest to the Doctor and continues to be this way to his GP. He will tell them that he only has a sore knee and that it is getting better. What on earth can we do to make him realise that we are not out to ridicule him of his condition but are there to support him and enjoy his company for the coming years. I feel fed up, but would never let my Dad know that. What can I do?....Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:43:20 GMTConcerned Daughterhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic46-6-1.aspxThis forum is looking a little lonely so i guess i will get the ball rolling...Firstly a little bit about myself. I am a married stay at home mother of 2 children. My husband and i have our own business and this is where our problems stem from so here goes the essay... (BTW im so happy i stumbled upon a 'mens' forum coz now i can get a man's perspective/opinion.advice and not the one's espoused by women's magazines.)Basically my husband works WAY too many hours. Even if he only worked 4 days a week we would not starve and still have a roof over our heads. His excuse is that if he doesnt work we dont make as much money but he hardly sees the kids and he hardly sees me.Our r/ship is suffering and we have many problems.Firstly, our sex life has not just taken a back seat, it has literally been thrown out the window. I know he works very hard for us (please tell me if i sound like a selfish b***) but i am SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!. I am so irritable because of this and i snap at my children a lot. He is always too tired for sex and when is isnt tired he isnt in the mood for it. Ever. i have tried talking to this about him and he tells me he is too tired so deal with it. When we do have sex - i know this is horrible and im not proud of it one bit - i harass him from dinnnertime onwards so that he knows that i want it. Most of the time he tells me he is too tired and i accept it. I feel like im being starved. Along with the lack of sex is the general lack of intimacy and affection. I always try and give him cuddles and kisses and he just shrugs me off. I send him cute sms' and he will ring me up and say 'what was that for'.Secondly, trying to make him talk about our personal and private issues is very hard. He is always clammed up and it doesnt help that i hardly see him. If i try and talk to him he will either shrugs me off or give some typical guy answer and thats what im left with. Surprisingly there is very little tension between us, probably coz we get along very well, we really are best friends and also because i keep my emotions in check around him. Unfortunately its my children who suffer i.e i take it out on them. Also i must add that EVERYTHING is done for him housework wise. I used to ask him to help out but he used to hate being asked to help even though it wasless for me to do but since i decided i would not ask him to help out heis much happier. He is also like this with the kids, I never ask him to help out and he likes it this way.Thirdly, because of all the above, im scared that if an opportunity presents itself, that i will stray.What i would like to know is how do i talk to him with the goal being to make him open up about our lack of intimacy, how long he works etc without trying to sound overbearing?As for our sex problems, who do u go to for help??? Any bit of advice would be great and thanks for listening to my rant :)sassWed, 30 May 2007 15:19:52 GMTsasshttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic45-6-1.aspxThis forum is looking a little lonely so i guess I will get the ball rolling....Firstly a little bit about myself, i am a married stay at home mother of two children. My husband and I have our own business and he works incredibly long hours and this is where our problems stem from so here goes the essay. (BTW im so happy i stumbled upon this forum, now i can get a man's perspective instead of the ones epsoused by women's magazines.)Basically my husband works WAY too many hours. He flatly refuses to take days off. Even if he only worked 4 days a week we would not starve and we would still have a roof over our heads. His excuse is that if he does not work then we dont make as much money but he hardly sees the kids and he hardly sees me. Our r/ship is suffering though he will not admit to this. We have many problems. Firstly, our sex life has not just taken a back seat, it has been literally thrown out the window. He is always too tired. And when he isnt tired he just is not in the mood. Ever. I know he works very hard for us but excuse me if i sound like a selfish b**** but i am SOOOOO FRUSTRATED!! I snap at my children a lot and i am very irritable. I feel like im being starved. Along with the lack of sex is the general lack of affection and intimacy. I always try and give him cuddles and kisses and he just shrugs me off. he does not see this as a problem. I have tried talking to him about it and all he can say is that he is tired so deal with it. when we do have sex - i know this is really horrible and im not proud it one bit - i have to harass him from dinnertime onwards so that he knows that i want it. Most of the times he will tell me he is too tired and i just accept it. Other times he gives in even though i know his heart isnt in it.Secondly, trying to talk to him about anything personal is very hard because he just will not open up. He is always clammed up and it upsets me a lot as I have a lot on my mind and a lot of things i wish to say to him and wish to discuss but again he shrugs me off. It seems to me like he is perfectly ok not being intimate very often but it is not ok with me. It was never like this at the start. Surprisingly there isnt much tension between us probably because we do get along so well, we really are best friends and i do my best to keep my emotions in check around him. Unfortunately its my children who suffer. also i must add that everything is done for him and he never has to lift a finger. At first i hated doing EVERYTHING housework wise but i must admit he is a lot happier not being asked to do anything. As for the children he is rarely asked to help out with them as well and again he likes it this way.Thirdly, because of all the above, im scared im going to stray. What i would like to know is what is the right way to go about talking to him in a non-threatening manner with the goal being for him to open uo about our sex life, lack of intimacy, asking him to work less and so on. Of course i would have to taclke one problem at a time. And if he doesnt want sex, what the hell can i do about it??? What can he do about it? As i said before it was never like this at the start though we have always had mismatched libidos. Who do u see for sex problems??Any bit of advice would be a great help. Thanks for listening. SassWed, 30 May 2007 15:00:18 GMTsasshttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic83-6-1.aspxhiya,Here's one for ya! i'm 30 weeks pregnant, and have been with my partner for 2.5 years. The pregnancy was planned and we adore each other, but for the last 2 months he has become increasingly depressed. There are many factors contributing to his depression, but probably - more than likely - it stems from a chemical imbalance, as he has had it from a very young age. The thing is, up until the last year, he has lived a pretty wild life - working as a bouncer, travelling, partying and playing footy. He's now 45, and has 2 businesses, we built a house last year that has a fairly hefty mortgage, a dog, a partner and a bub on the way. So yep - there are elements that scream 'mid-life crisis'. He has no interest in being involved in the pregnancy or birth. He's never been to an ultrasound or antenatal visit with me, doesn't want to come to antenatal classes, and doesn't want to be there for the birth.He has very good control over his display of emotion - he has such a good facade that nearly no-one but me knows how much he is a train-wreck inside. He's always used excercise as his outlet - footy, mountain-biking, the gym, boxing etc. But this time its not curbing the anxiety. He's not sleeping, and his enormous appetite is a shadow of its former self.He is also craving sexual attention from other women. He's talked to me about this and ensured that it has nothing to do with me, and i do get that. He's finding my usually slim, athletic body unattractive and although we are still having sex, it's me who is initiating it. I guess he gets through it with fantasy. Again - i know it's not personal - he loves me to death and knows it's temporary, but .... ouch!On the flipside, i have been coping very well with this pregnancy. I have had a fair bit of thereapy before for differing reasons, so have the tools to use to get through this and stay afloat. I've always believed that when it comes down to it and the baby is born, he will take to it like a fish to water - but he needs to get rid of these demons that are running around in his psyche. He has accepted that he has to see a GP... and will do so tomorrow. I think he may be thinking that antidepressants are the answer. Maybe they are, but i would like him to try kinesiology. How do you get a man to try holistic, natural therapy instead of drugs? :crazy:BecSun, 01 Jul 2007 14:36:48 GMTbecstar1