InstantForum.NET v4.1.4Mensline Australia Discussion Forumhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/forum@menslineaus.org.auTue, 06 Jan 2009 18:58:46 GMT20http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxMate, I have been offline for a few days on a work trip so catching up. The good news is her parents especially think you need to be there for her. I don't know if she has been in contact with them to trigger the call. Follow your heart, that is all you can do. If you need to write her a letter expressing your feelings and telling her you are there waiting for her when she needs you. Maybe she can't handle seeing/talking to you because she knows she has let you and your (joint) love down. But a more impersonal communication might get through. Just an idea?Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:44:37 GMTsadelaidehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI had two lovely phonecalls from different people yesterday. One was from Sarahs father in UK and one was from my mother. Both said I came here for a reason and that reason is not over yet. They both said they were sure she did not truly want me to leave Australia as she could have done more so. they both said there is no way she would have kept the same mobile number if she did not want to hear from me. That is comforting. I love her. What do you guys thinkChrisWed, 06 Aug 2008 12:52:22 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI bloody well love her. She is my soulmate. I know that, like her anxiety her drinking will pass and I will NEVER give up on her as long as she needs me. I KNow she needs a year to sort herself out, people have told me that but the thing is She thinks it is unfair to push me away for that long. To keep me on the sidelines for that long. I WILL WAIT for that long. it is not a problem. I love her so very much I will never give up on that. She is pushing me away out of kindness because she is sick of her work at sobriety having a negative effect on us.!!Not because she hates me. God Bless Al AnonTue, 05 Aug 2008 12:01:53 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI expressed two fears to a mutual friend yesterday and it was the best thing I oculd have done. I was worried she has had enough having tried two times to make things work. He said rubbish at the end of the day were that the case she would have changed her mobile number. (Which she did all the time after arguments with guys when we were apart). My other fear was that she wanted to get back with her ex who she was with when we divorced. he said again rubbish. When she was all over him when they were together it was different from me in that she wanted him because she wanted someone, anyone because she wanted love. She never married him, she never got engaged to him, she did not to anyone she dated. Within six weeks she was back with me we were married. That bond, so our friend said, cannot be broken so easily. She still has her mobile turned on and with the same number. That shows, although she is not in contact with me she needs my contact. If she did not it would have been changed. Do you think I am being overly optimistic. Or logical for once. Cheers AllTue, 05 Aug 2008 09:01:51 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI just got her a present through the post today. I got her Hematite jewellery. We believe in the power of Crystals and she is Wiccan so it is of meaning. The envelope will be printed so she will not see my writing and it is not something provocative like flowers which her mother can dump or lingerie which could be misconstrued. Hematite heals pain, clears thoughts, grounds you, promotes love and healing and calm. Your thoughts on my earlier post and this?chrisMon, 04 Aug 2008 12:41:59 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxIt is true. I thought yesterday. We were apart for four three and a half years and divorced for a year and a half. The fact is she is a beauitful sexy woman and could have married any man in that time but the thing is that when I got back to Australia she married me again within seven weeks. that says a lot about her love for me and that love cannot just go away. I truly believe it is in there still just clouded by her disease. It is impossible for feelings to change in a few weeks when they are that deep and enduring and certainly impossible to change in 24 hours like it appears they did. She contacted her friend via text on Friday and acted as if nothing was wrong. Did not even try to confide in her like she did when we split up in 2004. On the same day her mother met her friends mother on the bus and did the same thing. The thing is this smacks of a cover up and when the friend tried to call back she was not available again. She does not want to enter into any discussion with anyone about the problem. I WILL stay here by her as long as she needs me. I have the message from above. I miss her terribly and just sent her two text messages saturday morning saying things can be like they were with work and that although it would be easier to let all this go I believe our marriage is worth the fight. She has not changed her number so she obviously wants to maintain one way contact if not both. Do you think these are logical conclusions or as my "friend" in England put it am I living in cloud cuckoo landMon, 04 Aug 2008 09:02:04 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI have nothing to say to help you I am afraid. All I could add, is that it would sound to me like you're right, that she's cutting off everyone and not just you. With that in mind it could well be the alcohol making her act this way and not a lack of love for you. At least, that's my unprofesional impression.Hang in there, and be there for her as long as you can be. She may really need you soon. But, also, don't feel guilty if you can't handle any more. If she was in contact and asking for help, you'd know where you stand. But since she's not in contact, she 'may' not want you and letting her go and moving on couldn't be looked at badly either.I am not a professional, just a man giving another man his two cents.Mon, 04 Aug 2008 01:51:23 GMTDumpeehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxDea All,I had two missed calls with a silent message yesterday and no message last night. Copuld have been her,if it was she should have texted but did not. Could have been my pareents but they would have left a message. I think it might have been her as yesterday was an income day and she might have been sozzled. I hope it was her. I miss her terribly. I adore her and had a call from her father yesterday asking me not to leave Australia becaus ein his opinion were I to, when she found out she would go off the edge according to him. He ias also an alcoholic and suffered terribly with the very person Sarah is now living alone with (Her mother). I took his tip seriously and have no intention of leaving. It is simple. If she wanted me to leave really and never see me again she would have said so since my last message and also would have come to court to have the AVO enforced. Or she would have been in contact with all her friends and not me. SIMPLE!!. If i remove all my fears from the situation then this is cold logic. She is sick and I owuld not abandon her if it were cancer or a mental illness. So why would I because of this. Half of it is probably because she knows she hurts me when she gets drunk and knows it. Pray for me guys to your higher powers!!ChrisFri, 01 Aug 2008 09:19:25 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxAll I am saying is that I am staying here entirely for her. ENITRELY. I am told people with her illness always change their mind and like I have said in all my posts my ONE hope is that when she cuts me off she cuts her friends off, the polic off, the bank off, and everyone off too. This shows it is not a dislike of me as she would have me believe but a crisis she is currently enduring. I am sure it is no easier on her. That is what I must try to keep remembering. I know she loves me. Her erratic behaviour shows her actions are not thought through and considered. I also gace her an outroad 1 week ago the size of the M1 Highway and she has not taken it up. Thank God. This all points to someone who needs me as a safety net and does not want me to leave. I pointed out if she wants me to leave it must be for HER sake NOT mine. She has not repsonded since then. To anyone. I am just going to have to wait because she is using me as a safety net which is fine by me. If she needs that she gets that. Simple!!ChrisThu, 31 Jul 2008 10:28:24 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxMate, I hope she gets healed and realises how much you love her. And can accept that and revel in it like she should. It sounds very much like depression or violent mood swings - schizo?) but only a professional can tell that.My only experience with evil mothers is 2nd hand, I went out with a girl briefly for a long distance relationship and after a while we realised it couldn't work. Still good friends. She got back with the previous boyfriend and from what she tells me he is still being seriously manipulated by his mother, constantly shoving his ex in his face, feeding him her drugs and so on. She was getting to a pretty low point so I reminded her how this was going to be her year of putting up barriers. But some mothers can be horrible, if my ex wife's mother was still alive I am sure there would be no problems and I could still go over and say hi if I wanted. And I could probably have a good talk with the ex fiance's one in Adelaide that ended up really nasty. Her mum and dad wouldn't be blaming me and hate me, but I will avoid that as I don't really want the chance I will meet that crazy bitch again.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:53:55 GMTsadelaidehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxWell I am off to an Al-Anon Meeting tonight. It is refreshing to hear you say WHEN you get back on track. It is nice to hear you it is not just me who thinks it.I think we will and know fully that it is not going to be an easy road afterwards. I know that and know counselling is going to be an important part of it. I did not fully understand how much time these meetings take up until I started going to them myself. I used to get resentful and hurt that she was spending no time with me. Now I do not know if she is going at all. I just pray she is. She has to hit rock bottom first I know. What I DO know is that I do not believe she is making a thought through decision based on sensible facts when she said go that time. She has not said it since and knows I have not. She obviously is fighting something within herself to have shut herself off from the world like she has. My prayers are with her and I ask yours to be alsoThanksChrisWed, 30 Jul 2008 16:14:26 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxWell I am off to an Al-Anon Meeting tonight. It is refreshing to hear you say WHEN you get back on track. It is nice to hear it is not just me who thinks itWed, 30 Jul 2008 16:11:09 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxi am no doctor but i do think if you have been on anti deppressants and you can maintain a healthy out look without taking them forever then thats really great but then there are those who cannot function rationally or happily without them and need to stay on the medication. everyone has up and down times and it is totally normal to feel out of control as long as that person can regain control within themselves and if medication is needed then that is ok too.also being insecure about exes can be a natural reaction but the most important things in a relationship are trust, honesty and communication and if these things are lacking then it could be difficult to make a relationship work as with negative thoughts comes negative energy which in turn can destroy a relationship. once you two are back on track that is probably something that could be addressed with counselling and alot of hard work within the relationship from both of you. main thing at the moment though is for your wife to concentrate on beating the alcoholism and if she has the love and support you are offering thats a great start!will sign off now as i have finished work but keep updating - and let us know how you get on.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:48:23 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxThanks for your support,Her mother certainly is not the best influence here but due to the domestic situation she is bound to live with her for the next few weeks at least. Then she might be free of it as we are due to move into our own place in Manly later in August. I believe she loves me too, don't you and the hting is I came off my stuff as I did not believe I needed them either so I suppose I am as much to blame as her. The fact is that we both have to recognise that we may need to be on them from now onwards and as long as we get on I do not care a stuff. We have spent 3 1/2 years 13,000 miles apart and have come together but instead of that reassuring her that I would never leave she just gets insecure about the girls I have been with in the mean time (I have insecurities about the guys she dated too so i cannot blame her) So can you honestly see this being the end of us. I cannot we have been through too much. Keep postingWed, 30 Jul 2008 15:18:39 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxi can fully tell you love her heaps - otherwise why would you put yourself through all this worry etc.? you dont have to answer - but what is the reason for coming off the anti depressants? im guessing you realise that this will be playing a huge role in her behaviour. referring to our situation (partners ex) when on medication nice as pie however she gets to a point where she thinks she doesnt need them anymore or is drinking so excessively they dont work anyway and she turns into a monster but thinks that everything she is doing is totally normal ( these are the times that she has been admitted to psych. ward or she is neglctful of the kids).it is good you are taking care of yourself as you need all the strength you can get to get through this - very emotionally draining!!it sounds as if her mother is not the best influence in all of this and it is sad for your wife more than anything that she has the issues she has .( one of our kids has trust issues with their mother also and he is only young - it really worries me how it will affect his behaviour and relationships in the future)i dont know how i would handle the stuff you are going through - it is definetly easier to offer words of kindness from the outside. if it were myself though i would be careful not to run myself into the ground emotionally and mentally. we are only human and there is only so much we can endure before things start take a negative affect. although at the same time i think that we can endure alot as long as we have a good support system and seek help when we need it.keep postingWed, 30 Jul 2008 14:56:38 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxShe has major trust issues because of how her mother raised her and moved her between here and UK. I cannot call her mother. IF she will not speak to someone she has known for 30 years she will not speak to me.. Trust me. I am working and doing nothing else apart from Al-Anon meetings and resting / eating / thinking of her!!I know I need to think of myself but seeing as my decision to stay in Australia is almost entirely depends on her wishes it is difficult to. I would like to know your thoughts but I for one do not think this is over by a long shot and there are many more ups and downs to go through. I also think, correct me if I am wrong, that even though she told me to go after the fight and when drunk, if I went she could well, given her 180 degree turns be devastated and given her illness it oculd well push her too far.When drunk / anxious she is liable to say and do things she does not mean. It also did not help that we both came off anti depressants at the same time cold turkeyish style too. Basically it was asking for trouble looking at the situation now. I believe it just needs her to come off the booze and see things clearly. Would you abandon the love of your life just yet?Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:32:39 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxi cant remember but has she suffered or been diagnosed with depression in the past/present? even when she is not drinking it sounds as though she has trust issues( bucks night) aswell.just off the subject of your wife, how are you feeling within yourself? are you working or doing anything else to take your mind off this drama even if its just for a second. i hope you are taking care of yourself because you need to be on the ball when something like this is happening. are there any other family members around that(brothers or sisters) that could shed some light or anyone else that can try and find something out off her mother?does her mother (or her) have email or a mobile that you can leave a message on even if you just said that you are worried about her and even just an sms back or a quick call would be appreciated just to ease your mind a bit.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:54:16 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxWell the thing is the more insecure about ANYTHING she gets the more she lashes out about it. She offered to book me a hooker for my bucks night as a means to test whether I would be untrue to her and was reassured when i went nuts. Thats the sort of thing she does. The worse she feels about something the more defensive she gets and the harsher she is with me. Add alcohol into this mix and.......... Her mother would not contact me at all. Hence I have to keep in contact with her friends that I trust 100%. You have to admit. They have her best interests at heart and if they thought she wanted me gone or was happier without me or had someone else they would have no reason to keep it from me. I have to trust someone here and it is her love and the endurance of that through all this and her mates opinions. I mean she was buying me presents up until the day before. She was cuddling me in bed that very morning and begging me not to have an affair. Nothing changes that fast except her perceiving (As I showed i have to be honest) that I was not happy with the situation as it was and missed home. She therefore reacted like this. See the logic in this?Keep postingWed, 30 Jul 2008 13:39:50 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxyou are right - all you can do is wait. would her mother have the decency to contact you if something was wrong? in our situation the mother is also the problem - she starts things by putting ideas into the exs head and causes heaps of trouble but then doesnt know how to make things right again.i really am lost for words because what you are describing is very similar behaviours and yet different too.over the years we tried very hard to remain positive and helpful and it got us in court( for the kids) and we have definetly been on the recieving end of some pretty nasty stuff.just keep in contact with those you trust and you will hopefully get some positive news soon. take care of yourself too.keep posting.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:06:38 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxHiyah,The onoy times she has said get lost was after an argument before which her AA sponsor told her to leave her husband whilst getting sober. That was out of order and Sarah was in tears about it when she spoke to me. They live in a unit so there is no point in driving past as there is a garage and short of ringing the doorbell there is no way of finsing out even by looking for a car. Her mother is part of the problem as Sarah started drinking heavily whilst we were apart the first time for 3 years and was liviing with her mother then. The problem is that the only mutual friends I trust she is not returning calls to either. On the one saturday when she contacted me 6 times in one hour by text and call she contacted them and even contacted them back when they did not respond to ask them why they had not answered. Sop that one day she was in a chatty mood and since has go0ne back downhill. So what I am saying is that I know she is staying at her mothers place because she called me from there last weds drunk and had a go at me. Since then she has gone of the face of the earth. She is either there or in rehab as she has nowhere else to go and no money to do it with God love her. The ONLY thing I can do is wait. People who have known her since she was 10 are as much in tha dark as we are. The lady she stayed with for 3 weeks after she came in 2004 does not know anything either and her mother who is the ladys best friend is not speaking to her at the moment. This means she is not well at all. Ranks have been closed. Everything simply points to someone who is messed up, not well, in the madness of alcoholism and is ashamed of what she has done and how she has acted. All I can do is ride it out and be there for her. I trust in her love. I know why she lashes out and why she pushes me away. I know that . I know her soul is good and she is doing this out of defensiveness. I also trust the lady would have told me there was no point if there was not. She actually asked me not to leave Australia.Thoughts?Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:04:26 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxits hard to really know what to say. in times like this nothing makes sense until days, weeks or months down the track you can look back on the situation and piece it all together. i know this sounds like stalking but would it hurt to drive by (not get out or anything - just dirve by)and see if you can tell if anyone is home? it may give you some piece of mind.have you tried contacting her mother again - it is totally unfair if anyone does know anything to keep you in the dark as they must realise your level of concern.partners ex would smash lamps etc over his head when she was drunk ambos would come to stitch him up, and yeah she would apologise later but from what i have told you through these posts you can see where that has lead.can you access any joint bank accounts or anything to see if she has been making withdrawls etc that might give you some indication of where she may be at.i know some of the suggestions/comments i have arent always positive but in situations such as these you really need to ready for any scenario that may arise.keep in touchWed, 30 Jul 2008 11:19:57 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI know this sounds trite but I do not think this would be the case. She would be at least be in touch with the authorities about me or for the bank. They are trying to get hold of her too. The fact is I think she is at home in shutdown . Drinking or in rehab (I hope). She has not returned friends calls or anything. Believe me she has been honest with mates about dating guys when we were apart and I do not think they would keep it from me this time. They are not like that at all. And their mother would difinitely be straight up with me for sure. No I just think she is not well and her mother is doing all she can to keep us apart. She told me to leave Sarah when she was at work so when she came home I would simply be gone. What sort of mother says that ? She also told guys she was with when we were apart to get lost when we got back together and also changed her number so they could not reach her. likewise with me. I changed my number so none of my exes could reach me. Believe me she was 100% loving and attentive and effort making up until the last minute after that argument that almost drove her to drink. I think she is so worried about busting and smashing everything in the flat over my head again so that I need a paramedic that she pushed me away so she can get drunk without interruption or incident. Thoughts? I have thought about another guy but it would not make sense and in all fairness I have no proof of it. When she used to disappear before until 3am I would find the car in a tip, booze inside it and urine on the seat so it is clear thats where she was.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:42:55 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxJust be careful that she is not just playing you. I know that i dont know either of you and i really, for both your sakes (and sanity) hope that she is getting the help she needs. what is her mother like? is she interfering? do you and her get along well?i remember a time with my partners ex where she had disappeared for a couple of days and her boyfriend at the time didnt know where she was but it turned out that she was at another guys house ( as it turns out he is her current boyfriend) even though her and the guy at the time were living together and 'working things out'" as it turned out the only thing she was trying to work out was how to find a new boyfriend so she could dump the other one and using everyone and everything she could. mind you this woman that i am talking about is a really nasty piece of work and what makes things harder for us is the fact children are involved because she likes to use them as leverage at times.anyway stay positive and stick with the old saying - "no news is good news" and hopefully you will hear something soon.keep in touch.Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:17:08 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxHiyah,Well the thing is I had a phonecall from a friend last night who said Sarahs mother was not in work yesterday herself so god knows what is going on. The fact of the matter is that she goes through these phases where she communicates and those where she shuts herself off. The same friend asked me not to go back to the UK because she said if I did, when Sarah finds out she would go off the edge. It would be the end of her. So basically she is not in hospital I have checked but she could be in rehab. I hope she is and she found it easier to push me away rather than put me through what she thinks is worse. the only times she has told me to go was drunk, as said, or after an argument. Any other time has either been good contact or no contact at all. With anyone so it points to the fact that she still needs support. I had a paranoid thought that she had another guy but as my friend said she would not have been so loving to me or paranoid that I would leave her if she had another guy. She was in tears to AA saying I was going to leave here the last time she busted with me around. I will always be there for her as I now believe not just think that she needs me.Your thoughts?Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:50:42 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxthat is scary that noone has heard from her! have you contacted the hospitals? she could be in the psych ward for all anyone knows. once when my partners ex was going off her nut - drunk etc and the police were called and they actually admitted her and noone except her boyfriend at the time knew where she was. and there have been times when she has gone missing and people had messaged her or tried to ring and she has not replied/answered because she has been passed out or what ever.maybe once you find her an idea would be to try and admit her and get her assessed psychiatrically to try and work through it as she is clearly self destructing. she is very lucky to have someone who is there for her.good luckTue, 29 Jul 2008 16:21:13 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxYes 10 days ago when she panicked that I had left. Then on weds she went nuts at me on the phone then nothing. No contact to myself, friends, police, my work, nothing. Nothing at all even to people who could make my situation here impossible. It tells me it is not me she hates but herself. I know for a fact she was petrified of losing me the last time she busted two weeks ago. Petrified. Since then this roller coaster. This also tells me she doe snot want me to leave the country but to be there for ehr when she needs me. This is my logical al anon head on me. I am trying to work out someone who has not been sober for more than a fortnight in the 8 years I have known her. I do love herYour thoughts guys?ChrisTue, 29 Jul 2008 09:02:25 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxhey chrishows things? have you had contact that has been amicable? i really hope for the sake of your relationship that she realises that she is pushing you away. you must be a strong person to go through this on the recieving end.let us know how things are going!Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:31:11 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxMate, I don't have direct experience to help you with as far as female alchohics (thought I know a bit about crazies). Though I want to say first up I wish you all the best and hope it works out.You say you are from the UK, she asks if you have moved back. I presume that means she is an Aussie.All you can do is be there for her, encourage her to go into counselling preferably together at least to start with so you can say your feelings in a non confrontational way. Saying "I HATE YOUR DRINKING" will achieve nothing, it needs be said in a neutral environment in a way like "it worries me when you drink that much as you are hurting yourelf" with support from the counsellor. She is the the only one who can decide to change her behaviour. If she won't then it is up to you if you can live with that effect it has on her moods.Who knows, Turning around and saying yes, you are going back to England might be the trigger to make her realise she is losing you and do something about it. But that's the drastic last step!Best wishes mateWed, 23 Jul 2008 23:40:03 GMTsadelaidehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxhi chrisis she feeling homesick? how long has she been battling alcoholism? my boyfriends ex, also a severe alcoholic and suffers depression, put himthrough similar circumstances when together. would drink become violent and abusive (physically and emotionally) and then turn into a blubbering mess. we have been together for 5 years now and since i have met her this is basically routine behaviour not only towards us but her current partner. she is currently in counselling and take anti depressants. how ever we never know what tomorrow will bring. she is very unpredictable and can change into her split personality at the drop of a hat. i realise your love for your partner - counselling on a regular basis is a good option, if she agrees. does she realise the extent of her problem?one thing you need to remember you can on ly do so much for her she has to realise she has a problem and then initiate action to fix it.good luck!!Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:26:29 GMTrcsi1234http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI adore my wife but her dirnking has led to arguments and her kicking me out and having an avo put on me. A week into this supposed avo she contacted me 6 times in 1 hour asking if I had gone back to the UK. She obviously does not want me to or she could have found it all out through the police not through me. She then asked me where in sydney I was saying we had "business to attend to". Her euphemism for a meeting. We obviously have no affairs to deal with on a saturday evening. THe avo is up tomorrow ands I love her so much. I just know it is the disease making her do this but I love her so so so so much it hurts. Knowing she is in pain tells me why she is doing this. Al Anon has helped me know why she is doing this. Her frantic contact I believe was to check to see that her safety net had not been pulled from her. I do not think she wants this avo anymore because she would not have tried to get me so hard. The question is do sick but incredibly loving girls like her do this. She went from begging me not to have an affair and never to leave australia if we split to get lost and i never want to see you again or hear from you again. Then after that she was on the phone making sure I had not left. I am in despair, hurt and not one bit of anger to be honest. What comes out from me is pure 100% love. Eevryone I speak to including her father in UK says do not leave she needs you. What do you guys think. have you exeprienced any of this.ChrisWed, 23 Jul 2008 10:11:13 GMTLOVINGPOM