InstantForum.NET v4.1.4Mensline Australia Discussion Forumhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/forum@menslineaus.org.auSat, 06 Sep 2008 12:18:47 GMT20http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic744-5-1.aspxELECTRONIC PRODUCT WORLD LTD13 PARK ROADDONCASTERUNITED KINGDOMDN1 2QHCompany No. 06685521Email:electroproductltd@gmail.com electroproductltd@hotmail.co.uk ELECTRONIC PRODUCT WORLD LTD is a recognized distributor of various consumer electronics. We specialize in a wide range of products such as Laptops, Cell Phones, Xbox 360, Sony Psp, plasma TV, Pda Phones, MP3 and MP4, video games console, digital cameras, DVD Players, LCD TV, CD ROM , DVD Writer, Windows XP, Office 2003 software, IP phone, USB Phone, Bluetooth, Bluetooth USB Dongle (Etc.) At discount rates. Our aggressive buying equipment allows us to provide our customers with the best possible prices. We have a large warehouse that allows us to the purchase of stocks and in considerable quantity.KINDLY PLACE YOUR ORDER IN THE BELOW MANNER SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED ON PACKAGING AND LABELLING IMMEDIATELY:FULL NAME:BRAND PRODUCTS AND MODEL:UNITS:ADDRESS:CITY:POSTAL CODE:COUNTRY:MOBILE / TELEPHONE NUMBER:Wish you and your esteem company all the best as you have the interest to do and negotiate business with us.For your interest and inquire,do contact us via our company direct email address listed below :electroproductltd@gmail.comelectroproductltd@hotmail.co.uk Thu, 04 Sep 2008 09:18:49 GMTelectprohttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic742-5-1.aspxHi,I am new to this forum and hoping that there is someone out there who can offer me there insight/thoughts/etc.In March this year my wife and I separated. She moved out along with our two young sons. While things were certainly strained between us there was certainly no ill will or restrictions on access to see the boys.Over the last 6 months we have continued to increase our contact with each other, by having dinner once a week and trying to catch up for a few hours over the weekend. This has also included a weekend away. I would describe our relationship as just good friends and that is certainly all she wants at this point in time. She has also made it quite clear that she can make no guarantees as to what the future will hold and as to whether we can work things out. She does want me in her life, but at the moment just as a friend and as the boy’s dad (which I have no question of, I not going to desert my sons just because of what has happened between us).My problem is that I miss her and my sons a lot. I do enjoy spending time with them, but it kills me when that is over and I have to go back to my real reality. I would love to get things back on track with her, but she isn’t ready for that. I have stronger feelings for her than she does me. While I don’t want to rush her into something she is not ready for, I feel like I am being used.The other day she asked if I wanted to go away at Easter (09). I have since said I don’t think I can’t commit to something that is 6 months away. I am confused in a way because she is saying that she can’t commit to me other than being friends, but wants me to go away in 6 months and obviously still be a major part of her life.The dilemma I have is whether I cut off all contact with her, so I can basically get over her and move on (there is no way I could start a new relationship now because I have too much baggage), or do I keep going on with things as they are just to be told down the track sorry this is all it will ever be and then go through the pain of getting over her. Obviously though if I am not in her life then chances of getting back together become less.I am just uncertain as to what to do. I think if she was with another guy I could actually move on, but because she is unsure and not ready for a relationship with anyone I find it near impossible to walk away from some body I still care deeply about.Another quick question is does anyone belong to a Men’s group and if so, how do you find it. I am thinking of joining one as I don’t have a huge friendship group and need to have someone I can talk to.ThanksWed, 03 Sep 2008 15:00:59 GMTjw2906http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic730-5-1.aspxHello, I have been contemplating relationship issues lately, and find that I am in a bit of a pickle. Basically, I am lost and seek some guidance. I am here because, frankly, I’m not sure what to do with my relationship/sex life. I am 25 and male, so this is important at my age. My post will look at the following in the context of forming a meaningful relationship (1) Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA), (2) Going overseas1. Childhood Sexual Abuse Between the ages of 5-7 I was the victim of molestation, several instances were full rape. It is amazing how this can shatter a guy’s soul. I noticed that I have been hopeless at forming relationships, and that I have casual sex often (about once a month and protected, of course). Once a month is probably normal anyway for a young single guy. I started therapy for the abuse only a month ago, and the psychologist says that a “symptom” of CSA is lowered self esteem and viewing women as sex objects – in essence, “love shyness”. Particularly at that age, we learn our outlook on life and it is burned into our brains. I am trying to change, and working on initiating relationships. 2. Going overseas I am going to New York next year (12 months from now) for a career move of a lifetime. Objectively, I am pretty popular with the girls. I finally decided to date a girl and that lasted about 3 months. We started the dating on the proviso that we will “see what happens”. She became very attached to me but my heart did not respond to her. I decided to end it early so as to avoid the dating dragging out and her becoming too attached (it would have hurt her A LOT more if I just went on dating her for pity). She is great, but I just did not respond emotionally – odd how it works. She also took issue with my career move after 2 months, even though she was supportive at the start. Most girls do not like the idea that I am moving, and so, I will need to be alone I guess. A few girls have offered a casual sexual relationship, but I am so sick of that lifestyle. As I get a little older, the sex is less important and the company becomes more important. But, without sex the girl is just a friend. I feel lost. My condition makes me unable to initiate romantic relationships, and I am getting really sick of casual sex. Also, my going O/S scares girls. As Freud and most psych’s say, long term sexual abstinence is harmful and sex is a necessity of life for a healthy psychological state. So, to summarize, my brain is screwed up because I was raped repeatedly as a kid, I am “love shy” (anxiety about initiating meaningful relationships, not sex) even though I get lots of girls who come after me, and I am going to live overseas in about 12 months so girls are put off by that. I get the sex but not the relationships because of the issues I mention – combo of O/S and CSA I suppose. Thanks for any comments. 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All buyers can contact us via E-mail address which is itemized below::Email :mobilesystemuk@gmail.comEmail :mobilesystemltd@live.com Email: mobilesystem_ltd@yahoo.comTELL:..+44-704-577-2527 +44-703-592-3432Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:54:24 GMTsystemhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic363-5-1.aspxLike every thread ive read, we all have a lifetime story to try to explain in a short"ish" post... so here's mine... and its not simple nor short ... sorry .....Im 44, Arriving in Australia @12yrs old from USA, my wife is Aust & 40. Together for 15yrs & married for 6yrs with no kids. For 8yrs or so living an "easy come easy go / *ahum* hippieish" lifestyle. When we had $ we enjoyed it, when not we enjoyed each other even the more.My main life's occupation has been in aquaculture, hers in book keeping / accounting. Both of us over the years being more on the self employed side rather than working for a set weekly wage.7yrs ago we got a bank loan to start an aquaculture business, sounds perfect... I do the work, she does the books.4yrs ago we got a loan for a house.Things were going great until the house, which btw I was a little stand offish about due to our already very high $ commitment. Then her father stepped in with a belated wedding present of a deposit for a house... "If my little princess wants a house then a house she shall have!" . I was completely in 2 minds from the outset... on one hand it was a very generous offer of a wedding gift, on the other hand... her father's $ has always been her easy answer to several prior times of hardship. At this point in time I was already starting to resent her "easy $ options" ... history states my mind was changed and the 2 of us now live in a monster 4bed/2bath+ensuite/3car garage house with a morage to match.This is where things get confusing ....3yrs ago $ were getting tighter as interest rates rise. 2 and 1/2 yrs ago I start to (for the very first time EVER) I start to stick my nose into the financial runnings of our life. For a while there we were actually communicating about our $'s on an adult and business orientated manner, addressing issues of concern, agreeing with a plan and implementing it.It was about this same time that I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.2yrs ago my mother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer with no real prognosis of expected lifespan. Needless to say without hesitation I offered my every minute to helping my step father with my mothers care.... mother lived 100klms away. So this is what I did... started getting up at 3am, doing 4-5hrs work, then travel 100klms and stay till 12-1pm, return home to then work till 5-6pm, eat dinner then return to mothers till 9-10pm return home to email my family daily updates (my family is spread across 12 countries world wide) then not enough sleep and to start over again. This continued for 6 months until mother passed away on 14/12/2006.During this time, the previous 18 months, our personal & sex life was starting to sink and the business was suffering badly and any input I had to the $/paperwork side of things was brushed off with "I'll tend to it, you look after your mother". We went from paying our bills in 7 days to paying them in 60-90 days including the morgage. Late fee's added with interest and more late fee's and even more interest rate rise's was and still is a nightmare.About 8 months ago things really went haywire ( more to the point, I did!) when I found a secret folder that contained amongst other things account cancellation notices from suppliers and a notice from the bank to repossess the house as $12K was overdue.... then came the comment i've had bad dreams about... my wife says "I'll just get my dad to pay it!".Well ive never ever received $1 from the dole or otherwise... since being together neither has she and we have always adjusted our lifestyle to our $ and had always been honest about things with each other.Trying to keep it short...For the 1st time ever I had to assert my standing point.... "If we cant pay our own way we have to adjust our way's even if it means selling the house before the bank does, that way at least we make the profit not the bank and we can consolidate our debts and re-plan accordingly". My wife then took me by total surprise completely opposite to 99% of our lifes communications and said "Well I dont care, i'll get dad to pay $$ and you will have to work harder".... "everyone has to juggle $ and pay the odd bill late in order to get by" .... I am ashamed to admit that I lowered my standards and began to take on a personally unseen passive aggressive state that continued to spiral downhill, even to the extent of my wife putting her father on the phone and we had a very aggressive argument about financial commitments and integrity.... I cant believe even he said it was OK to pay the morgage late, pay suppliers late, accept all the bank late fee's, put up with continuing phone calls from suppliers..... this phone conversation was the catalist for even more deception... my wife took the phone from me and we were having a 3way screaming match until she outright lied to her father about my involvement in the bill paying process saying that I co-signed every cheque and I had total knowledge of our financial history etc and on and on.....I then did the worst thing possible and yelled at her "I should slice your throught and pull out your tounge so you and your father can both see all of the *BS* that is flowing out".2 days latter I came home to find a note on the table saying she was at her dad's 1500klms away as she feared for her life... leaving a contact mobile number and encouraging me to call in 7 days or so giving us both time to calm down.In late September she told me she got a job near her dad's in order to help pay bills here at home. Mid December she came for a visit to "see how we got on and how "safe" she felt at home". 3 Visits during January....Early February she told me she was returning near home and staying with a girlfriend until she felt "safe" enough to come home...... (keep in mind these facts, October was my b'day / October was her 40th b'day / Dec 5th our wedding anniversary / Dec 14th the 1st Anniversary of my Mothers passing / Dec 12-17th my only sister in Australia visits me & step dad for Mother's Aniversary and family support / Dec 25th Christmas / New Years).....Late February I ruetienly, blindly open the mail to find a bank statement for my wife... a new account was opened in August 07 and it had weekly wage inputs into the account... nothing strange... except..... the suburb's of withdrawls wasnt near her fathers 1500klms away ... they all were closer to me IE: her girlfriends house....My wife had been lieing to me for nearly 6 months as to her location, lied about not being able to visit for our birthdays, lied about receiving flowers I sent for our wedding anniversary, lied about not being able to visit during my darkest hours of need during Mothers aniversary of passing, about christmas about new years....Ive been taken for a completed dickhead, working my arse off 18hrs a day... playing proud captain with a smile of a sinking ship, battling depression with professional help, still so hugely lost in spirit with Mother's passing, monthly visits to Dr's for my Parkinsons medication ( which they keep changing due to clash's with anti-depressants / mood swings) .... and the ever continuing battle of the $.Strangely enough, I understand and still feel everyone's mental state of "keep going in hope" & "fear of change & the unknown".... and I still do not want to loose my wife and everything we have accomplished together... but I cant help but wonder if my wife has lied about my Parkinsons having nothing to do with our relationship and her returning home.I also have had thoughts of ending it all, I dont consider my self a "real type" of christian (what ever that is) but when that sad mental states comes about I just know that I cant follow through for fear of never seeing Mother again.Ive considered medical supervision in USA (more advanced treatments - though I do inderstand that at this stage none are long term successfull) ... I have also been offered a good job in my prefered industry in USA, much less long lost family in USA....Im now one who wont lower my standards or stand down again .... also having all but no energy to stand up for myself......Life is such a torment atm...A lost soul looking for light again ...........Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:41:53 GMTTogahttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic708-5-1.aspxI have been married for 14years and have 2 wonderful kids (7 year boy & 4 year girl) we have been separated for 5 months and tried to get back together. She put me through hell and left me again after I put in 110%. Two weeks after this she has another man regularly at my house and I find out through my kids. I was careful not to put things in their heads even though I was hurting. After calling my kids last night to say goodnight she gave me the cruelest serving i have ever had in my life telling me to stop putting things inside my sons head. She told me to f# off, stop f#ing with her sons head and that I was f#ed. She said I can no longer see my kids and to get an f#ing lawyer. I have had my lawyer lodge an order with the court but what do I do now. I have limited funds and will have to take out a loan. How do I see my kids and also get my stuff back from my house beacause I am sure by the way she spoke she will either give it away or? I am in shock! There is are no orders in place or avo's. Just child support based on 52 nights a year.Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:31:35 GMTcoreyehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic714-5-1.aspxwww.FavorGoods.com Factory outlet prices on over 10,000 sporting goods, we offers a large variety of shoes now to pick from…. We offer Dropshipping and also carry t-shirts/jeans/ shorts all name brand items, Visit us: http://www.FavorGoods.com/Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:25:21 GMThame451http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic525-5-1.aspxThis is going to be a slightly longish post. But I am fairly sure I need help of some kind.Firstly, I divorced in 2000 after being married for 14 years. Apart from the initial loneliness I got over that fairly quickly, and still get on fine with my ex wife. Shortly after that work transferred me from Sydney to Adelaide.I had a couple of short relationships through women I met through online dating. None lasted but that's fine. Then one night I met a nice woman at a bar and we hit it off pretty much straight away, doing a few dates, talking on the phone and so on. The relationship gradually developed and after about 4 months we decided to move in together. She had 5 kids, the oldest 2 had left home. The ones at home were 4 & 10 yo boys, and a 14 yo daughter. With the exception of the daughter the kids and the rest of her family took to me quickly, and over time the daughter came around. But she was at that stage in her life when she wouldn't open up to her mum either. She certainly didn't dislike me being there.A few months later her landlord wanted his house back, and we decided to buy together. I sold the townhouse I had been living in (making a fair loss as I hadn't owned it for long enough) and renting to a workmate since I moved in with this lady. So we bought a nice house, had the boys one week out of 2 and the daughter most of the time. This woman also worked 2 or more nights per week (nursing). Anyway, things started going wrong towards the end of 2006. A few arguments, and eventually I was basically thrown out. Stayed at a friends for a few nights then went away to Vic on a holiday we had booked to take together. On the way home she rang me and we spoke, and decided to give it another try. All went well for a while, then it happened again in April. I was supposed to fly to Melbourne the next morning for a work trip and ended up having to call the police to be able to get my clothes I had packed. Nothing seemed to trigger these arguments in particular. It would be some little comment taken out of line and she would go nuts. She had that knack of just pushing and pushing no matter how I tried to be reasonable until she finally got a reaction then she could prove in her own mind she was right all along.Anyway, after a week or so she decided she really did want me back and it was all in the past. Whether it was because she needed me to drive her and the kids to Melbourne just after she had done 2 night shifts I don't know. But that reunion only lasted about a month before it happened again - well this time I could see it coming and walked out before I needed the cops. I had also decided that it wasn't good for the kids - when they came back from dad's they wouldn't know if I was there, on the couch, or out altogether. After she realised that this time I wasn't coming back (rented a place and told her the houose was going on the market) things alternated between her begging me to come back, and totally losing the plot. I tried to get a restraining order but the police didn't really seem to want to get involved. Too much work, as if a man could be in physical danger from a (deranged) woman.I was still happy to be friendly but did not want to continue the relationship. She stole my mobile phone and called my boss in Melbourne, a girl I work with who was in the middle of planning her father-in-law's funeral, and my ex with all this ranting about what a bastard I was, how I had stolen things from work, and been molesting the kids. Then finishing with "but if you talk to him tell him I love him and want him back". Lack of logic there.Just prior to that she had demanded I pay her $6000 for the use of her family and body while together, when I refused that is when she made the phone calls. That blackmail attempt was also reported to the police.Anyway it flared up every month or so until I got the opportunity to move back to Sydney for a different company. Better job, love the people there and the work a lot more than the old place. That was end of October last year.So why after all this time - when I should in theory be happier I am somewhere she can't contact/harass me because she doesn't know where - aren't I happy. I'm outwardly happy but inside feel nothing. I had an attractive woman at a singles party take me upstairs two weeks to the room she was staying in at the hotel and we slept together. But despite that there are no feelings inside me at all and I had to be honest with her and say I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet. Which made her sad. How do I get over this depsression and emptiness? I had a relationship where I gave her everything I could, all the love I had in me. Took on the kids, mortgage etc just to be with her. And have it thrown back in my face whenever she had a mood swing. Things remind me too often, like an electrician van as her 2nd oldest was a sparkie. I just can't get away from it all.Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:09:04 GMTsadelaidehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic28-5-1.aspxI've been married almost three years. We were together for two years prior. And throughout all this time I have been subjected to regular violent outbursts when she gets angry.It occurs about once month. I'll say something she doesn't like. She'll ask me to explain myself for hours and hours. I become frustrated. Then she becomes even more infuriated and then bam!I often flee the situation. Following this, she will leave many abusive messages and texts on my phone. She will break my most treasured possessions. She deleted my study notes from our computer and tore pages from my books. She has also cleared our joint bank account of funds, so I cannot have access to cash.Scratching my arms and stomach with her fingernails, punches to the head, kicks to the shins. She goes crazy. I don't hit back - I restrain myself completely. I try to hold her hands down whilst she is lashing out, and then she goes even more crazy. If I swear, she uses this as a cue to also go even more nuts. I get so upset I will insult her in defence e.g. "stop you f_*^ing bi+ch!" Punching, kicking, scratching, throwing objects at me. It can last for hours. Following these outbursts, she will apologise and cry to herself asking why she loses the plot so much.She has on one occasion done something especially horrible with me ending up at the emergency department in hospital to get stitches. But we had an overseas trip coming up together, and I know the act was not deliberate (although it was reckless). So I lied to the doctors and forgave her. She promised she would never hit me again. And I demanded that she seek counselling. She did go there soon after. The counsellor gave her some anger management literature and then said this was a couples problems and asked that I also attend future sessions. And so I went. I told of my position, though we never went into detail. The counsellor said we needed to communicate better. It did have a minor success, and things were ok for a few months.I do care for her. All other times are great together - except for the angry times. I know it is too much. I know I should leave. What is stopping me? Embarrassment. My parents spent a lot of money on our wedding. They often asked me if I was sure I was ready to marry her. Truth is I wasn't. I couldn't face so many of my family and friends if I walked out. So many times, I've been asked "how's married life treating you?" ... "excellent", I respond. I'm so damn afraid of what will happen. When she is hitting me, I often say, "That's the last straw ... I'm leaving". But I don't. She is wrecking my things and I stay to protect them. Hence, I don't leave. I feel stuck. And eventually the situation diffuses itself. Next day back to being an ok couple and gradually growing closer until the next outburst.I just feel so goddamn piss-weak and alone. The situation is worse in reality than what I have described above. Why do I put up with all this crap? She says she wants to change, and she often tries to change, but fails each time. When will enough finally be enough? ... a scary question indeed. Where to from here???Sun, 27 May 2007 20:21:46 GMTFambathttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic680-5-1.aspxStarted dating my lass 18 months ago, she moved in 6 months ago an we are very happy together. The problem is her brother.Aparently just before i met her, he had got in trouble with work (spending ten grand on a company credit card), she and her mom lent him money to bail him out and she offered for him to live with her for a nominal weekly rent. A month later he was back on his 80 grand a year salary. in december it was decided she would move in with me in march and he was given the option of either staying in the house and paying the full 300 a week rent, or moving out. He didn't move out, refused to pay the full rent and refused to speak with us.we eventually got him out (begrudgingly) by threatening to move back in with him.We are now left with him owing me 2 grand. He refuses to speak with us and has threatened to call the police on his sister if she tries to visit his house (he moved into the house of his girlfriend of two weeks).Her parents forbade us from taking him to small claims court and for the sake of their relationship she agreed.I know the best advise would be just to forget it and let him mess up his own life, but its really hard to struggle financially (we're paying off two mortgages between us) when he earns more than the two of us put together.Any advise would be most helpful.cheers,Greg.Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:04:38 GMTgreg7451http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic703-5-1.aspxI would like some advice. I discharged from the Military last year and did the right thing by contacting them and explaining that my income for that financial year would be with a Super payout of which my ex got $20,000.00 out of it. My dilemma is that when I submitted my tax, CSA calculated that I would have to pay on that amount and intercepted my cheque. I did what they told me and put in an estimate in september last year of what my actual i ncome would be and it is in the system log. I contacted them and they said "Bad luck" the system saw that I had a debt and gave it to my EX. CSA have no remorse on what they do to paying parents. I went into Centrelink with my wife today to see about a DSP because she has a medically diagnosed Disability they said I earn too much and they do not take into account that I am paying Child support. Even the minimum pension would ease the financial burden I am facing now. Anyway any info would be good on how best to fight CSA. Cheers BrettWed, 13 Aug 2008 19:42:34 GMTBretthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic669-5-1.aspxHello everyone, this is my first post and i hope someone replies. I havnt really spoken to anyone about my situation, the best way i can think of doing this is saying it like a little story. 3 years ago i met this girl eho blew my mind, she completely loved me and everything was great with the exception of some glitches. She was a cutter for years, had substance abuse on a regularity and panick attacks on the regular. Me on the other hand i was "getting off" the drug train and wanted a straight edge life. SOMEHOW we both ended up falling in love with each other and the sex was fenomenal. The following year i was trying to get her to stop her negative influenced acts, it was one of those things she wanted to stop from early on but her actions were sloppy as hell.....never the less i loved her completely. We had some break ups in that time but we pretty much sorted things out within days. The second year had a different feel. During at one of out earlier breakups my family decided that i needed to go and see my extended family...which involved me going from WA to NSW to meet everyone and all that. During my 2 week of absence she cheated on me at a drunken party. I came back broken hearted and how this happened i dont even remember clearly we decided to continue the relationship. she was sorry etc etc made the decision of not seeing her "friends" because she only ended up doing ill thought out things around them and all that. With my return she ends up geting pregnant while my strugle to deal with the cheating brought out a violent ugly side of me which i havnt tamed ever since. I feel really bad for the things i have done to her and to the thought that most of that was during her pregnancy makes gives me the shakes sometimes. She stoped all her self destructive ways once she realised shes pregnant and has done a good job to date. During her pregnancy my family moves to nsw from wa, i was struggling over the fact that i couldnt trust her, my parents moving across the country while i was only 19-20, my fathers sickness(acute kidney failure), and a coming child. In that time i was the most violent but at the same time ive never met anyone else with so much on their plate in one time. i stayed with her until the baby was born and short after i was called to nsw because my father wasnt coping, throu many months of arguing she relactantly agreed to move to nsw, but once i landed overnight the break up /make up phase has kicked in at its worse.The past year it has been a series of continuous brake up and make ups and a lot of going west-east all the time. My daughter is 11 months old and ive already missed out on half of her life. My ex/partner the last 11 months has been having trouble coping with the violence in the relationship, the majority of it is gone is mainly the past shes having trouble dealing with. She actually physically left me 2 months now while making up/ breaking up over the phone every second day. All these dramas have decreased my feelings for her immensely, i know I've wronged her in the past but theres times where we have 5 hour long discusions over the same topic to the point where im driven nuts. I love my daughter, i care about my ex, i dont know if i love her anymore, ive forgoten what thats like and to be honest i think that has been the samecase on the other side too. I havnt thrown the break up card to her face for a year now....every single time it all comes from her and nearly always its me trying to stop the break up. Im actually starting to get really tired of attempting to stop the break up, ive stopped caring, and im starting to forget what its like to be a father. I just cant find any reasons any more to keep fighting. We had agreed for me to go back to wa asap but we always end up breaking up over the phone. i dont feel safe to go back, all my family has moved to nsw, if i was to get kicked out of home i would be totally alone and she just reinforced that fear everytime she breaks up with me. I miss my daughter. My financial strife isnt helping in me seeing them anytime soon together or not together. well that was my runt about my story..... just wondering where does one start to pick up the pieces....really interested in your opinions. thank youMon, 04 Aug 2008 06:19:10 GMTmoveithttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic194-5-1.aspxmy wife is an alcoholic and for the last 3 years has become progressively worse. we have 3 children and when she is sober she is a loving mother and wife however after about 3 drinks she turns into someone else. her entire personality changes and she becomes argumentative, unreasonable and swears at me in front of the kids. to make matters worse she has a friend up the road who encourages her to drink and she is spending more and more time with her and all of her friends. when i ask her to stay away from this person she only gets worse and spends more time there. last night after writing herself off i locked her out of the house and told her to go back to her friends house to sleep. she consequently smashed in the front window and terrified the kids. she usually drinks 2 bottles of wine every night and that continues through the week. my story has a remarkable resemblance to the story on last nights sixty minutes programme. my wife also is beginning to suffer short term memory loss. i have tried many avenues to try to get her out of her addiction but i am always seen to be the killjoy. i have left her twice and taken the kids however this hasn't stopped her. she is also on anti depressants and has been since she was sixteen. i really don't know where to go from here. it as been affecting my work and health over the last few years and i don't know how long i can continue putting up with it. our children are really great kids with beautiful manners and a healthy demeanor and i want them to have a great childhood but the alcohol is really starting to impinge on that wish. we have booked in for counseling but have not yet been. i have never been to counseling however my wife has and i don't think has much faith in it. i wonder if this will be of any use. i would like to hear of any success stories or solutions or even similar situations. thankyou.Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:15:20 GMTtracer1http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic676-5-1.aspxHi, i've got a problem in that she lets the ex stay over so he can see his two kids.l also have a daughter with her after their relationship was over. We got back together at christmas but she still lets him stay over . He has a recorded history of abusing her and is now abusing the kids . l fear for the safety of my child . Is this ok is it just me ??? ThanksTue, 05 Aug 2008 13:07:31 GMTausfishhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic626-5-1.aspxI adore my wife but her dirnking has led to arguments and her kicking me out and having an avo put on me. A week into this supposed avo she contacted me 6 times in 1 hour asking if I had gone back to the UK. She obviously does not want me to or she could have found it all out through the police not through me. She then asked me where in sydney I was saying we had "business to attend to". Her euphemism for a meeting. We obviously have no affairs to deal with on a saturday evening. THe avo is up tomorrow ands I love her so much. I just know it is the disease making her do this but I love her so so so so much it hurts. Knowing she is in pain tells me why she is doing this. Al Anon has helped me know why she is doing this. Her frantic contact I believe was to check to see that her safety net had not been pulled from her. I do not think she wants this avo anymore because she would not have tried to get me so hard. The question is do sick but incredibly loving girls like her do this. She went from begging me not to have an affair and never to leave australia if we split to get lost and i never want to see you again or hear from you again. Then after that she was on the phone making sure I had not left. I am in despair, hurt and not one bit of anger to be honest. What comes out from me is pure 100% love. Eevryone I speak to including her father in UK says do not leave she needs you. What do you guys think. have you exeprienced any of this.ChrisWed, 23 Jul 2008 10:11:13 GMTLOVINGPOMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic683-5-1.aspxOk i have just relized i have a problem that is affecting both myself and my partner.I find myself in bed with her and touching her inaropritely while she is asleep she has told me before that it is not on.I dont want to be doing this at all and go to bed with my mind set it will not happen and most of the time it dosnt but it is still happening and i wont it to stop before i loss her just after some advice from anyone.Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:02:30 GMTSHANE24http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic679-5-1.aspxHey Guys,Everything was going fairly well with my 20 year on marriage. Still takes more of an effort on my behalf but can now deal with it. Just had a massive fight. I have been cooking dinner for my family about two to three nights a week. All has been good in fact I have improved quite a bit. ( Practise makes perfect ) I had just today picked up my daughter from work and on the way home bought some really nice steak. I had cooked my eledest daughters, my sons and mine as my wife and middle daughter was not home yet. My middle daughter rang to ask if I had put her steak on as they were going to be late. I said no. I waited untill they got home and put on there steaks. ( I had already made the mash and the carrots ) My wife says about 5 min later " what are these steaks " I said they are yours why?. She replys we don't want them. We have a big fight over if my middle daughter said don't cook them yet of just don't cook them. Then my wife lets slip that they had McDonalds on the way home. The reason I got mad is because my wife says it is my fault I cooked the steaks. Whats with that?????:crazy:Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:53:56 GMTYaterhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic645-5-1.aspxHiJust found this forum, I need to get help from somewhere...In March this year my ex-wife emigrated to queenland with her husband, their 3 kids and my 13 year old daughter. Before they went my wife came to me with a signed letter from her saying that if i let my daughter go then she will forfeit all maintenance in order for me to pay for a flight over to see her once a year. After she had been there for a month i get a call from the Australian csa to say she had started a claim against me. I was gutted and realy hurt, I tried to call her to talk about it but it ended in a bit of an argument and has since refused to talk to me, i think to hind her guilt. The csa have assed me at $800 a month, i earn approx $60k a year in the UK and have a $1600 mortgage, my wife works part time, we have a 3 year old son and I inherited a 10 year old step son how lives with us. I have no way of affording that amount, plus if i do pay anything i have no way of affording to see my daughter. I can't talk to my ex-wife to try to make her realise what this will mean as she won't speak on the phone. I am at a very low point in my life right now and only the sight of my little boys loving face is keeping me going. I am terrified i have to pay this amount and also of loosing my daughter for ever. Is there anything a solicitor in Australia can do to help me and what chance do the oz csa have of enforcing the money.Please help! uk_dad:crying:Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:29:36 GMTuk_dadhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic639-5-1.aspxCan anyone help with advice on how to cope a with violent teenage kid. I love my son but also want to kick his lazy violent backside out out of the house. His actions are affecting the rest of the family and we want to be happy again, not strained like it is now. Any advice would be appreciated.Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:47:56 GMTRuddlehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic546-5-1.aspxI recently discovered my wife of 15 years has been having an affair. She has ended it but is moping around and miserable - seeming really depressed. I think she is mourning the loss of her lover which is hard for me to deal with. I would like to save our marriage, particularly as we have 5 young children - oldest is 10. I am actually trying to be supportive as it seems to me that unless she goes through a grieving process for her "lost love" she will never be able to focus on our relationship and work at repairing it. But how do you cope supporting someone pining for the person she betrayed you for? Has anyone been in this situation and saved their marriage? I am going to a marriage counsellor but she won't commit to this yet. Ideas welcome please.Mon, 16 Jun 2008 23:46:57 GMTSZMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic225-5-1.aspxgday this is my first post and after looking extensivly at the forums i have been unable to find anyone who seems to share my problem. i am 35yr and been seperated for 2yrs now. it was a 16yr marriage and we married very young. we have 3 children, 2 girls 16 & 14, and 1 boy 12. all fantastic kids but the seperation has caused them massive problems from a few different schools to me finding another serious relationship quite quickly to now my ex and sister spinning terrible lies about me that has caused myself and the children to not see each other for 12 months. i have managed to manage not seeing my children but just a few months ago i began contact with my ex via msn and she lets me know how they are going. they all do real well at school and seem to surround themselves with good friends and are getting by. my ex on the other hand has been diagnoised with bipola and formed a drug addiction. she tells me now that it is the childrens choice not to see me and not hers but i have only ever heard this from her mouth. i havent acted like a nuts father and knocked down doors and called schools to see my children. i believe they are old enough and have enough love for me to see me and find out the truth. the lies are so bad im thinking about legal action for slander, but i dont have the money and i feel that the lie has been believd so badley i cant justify myself. so now i live in a world where i work hard, pay my maintanance and go home to my new love who loves me so deeply, she is the only thing that is holding me onto life . has anyone had same problem or could help me with some info.Tue, 08 Jan 2008 09:51:09 GMTmajackxhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic536-5-1.aspxHi everyoneI've been through a hard time recently especially with the death of a family member. After, I got depressed and guess I was pretty hard to live with. Anyway, my spouse of nearly 20 years told me to get out making life even harder. I have kids which I just get to see on some weekends. I've been getting help for the depression, but she is just playing games with me, saying maybe I can come back at such and sucha time and it's so hard, just waiting. Communication is at an alltime low, being apart and I miss my kids. She doesn't seem to see that I've been on track and just feel like I'm continually being punished for what has been a terrible time in my life. Marriage councelling just turns into a bame me session. I'm losing hope.Cheers, ShunnedThu, 12 Jun 2008 13:58:07 GMTshunnedhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic288-5-1.aspxHey Guys,I just want to ask one question...[b]Why the F#*K are there so many "views" of posts on this site and so few replies?[u][/u][/b]I have been mooching around here for a month or so since my life turned to @#$!e when my wife left.Ive posted a few new topics and replied to a few when I figured I could say something positive.I can tell you from experience that when your arse is dragging around the bottom of the barrell a quick reply saying "hang in there mate" or "I know how you feel, I've been there too" can make a world of difference.Thats my rant done , just something for you to think about as you cruise around in here.Wed, 06 Feb 2008 22:58:07 GMThurtinghubhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic606-5-1.aspxHi guys, a bit of a legal question here, I was recently kicked out of the rented family home (owned by my ex's brother). I am told that if approach the house the police will be called. At the moment im living in a cheap motel out of a bag. Do I have a right to have access to my personal belongings? If so how do I go about it? ConfusedWed, 16 Jul 2008 22:16:07 GMTmickhhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic600-5-1.aspxi have been married for 20 years but over the past 5 years i started realizing i was making more of an effort than my wife. I started testing my feelings to make sure. If I made an effort everything was fine however if i backed off and waited for an effort shown in our relationship it never came. whenever i bring it up i am told i am just blaming her. It has progressivley got worse to the point where I don't think I can go on.Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:21:19 GMTYaterhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic308-5-1.aspxHi All,As you can see from the topic I have reached a "bad" place in my 20 year marriage.Firstly, let me summarise - I married at 21 (she was 27) following the break-up of a good relationship and the death of my father. Within a year, my wife was pregnant and she gave birth to a wonderful son. During the pregnancy (and newly wed) we were having a whole host of arguments about everything as she excerted her "positive" influence over my wreck of a life. In the begining I did all the chasing and she remained standoffish and only agreed to go out with me if I " cut my hair, changed my dress sense, sold my motorcycle and toed the line". I seem to have been doing the changing ever since.After ten years, the arguments subsided and I settled into a "peace-keeping role". Now with two great boys, both doing well, I felt trapped and despite the feelings I had that I did all of the compromising, I thought that things were OK. I did everything in my power to avoid fights and I suppose this meant that eventually we never communicated on anything meaningful - touchy subjects included sex (or lack of it), money, work, drink and friends. To raise any of these resulted in tears and accusations of me not loving her.Looking back now, this has really been the pattern ever since. I am totally passive most of the time now and if I do "do my own thing" it results in silent treatments and withdrawal of physical contact. Now, I should point out that removal of affection (physical) is a bit of a pattern in our relationship and has seen me "punished" by refusal of sex for periods of 4 - 6 months at a time on several occaisions. (we once got to 11 months!!!)Now, its year 20 and it just seems that all of the resentment I have stored up over the years has found its way to the surface. I am not agressive (although I suspect I am becoming passive-aggressive), I don't shout at her or belittle her, I do everything she asks (within reason) like helping around the house, washing the floors, hanging out the washing etc. I am a good provider and we are not short of money (although we have been through rough times in the past - financially), I taxi the boys around whenever asked (they are now 16 & 18) and 9 times out of 10, if we want seperate things, I compromise and she gets her way.Since Christmas I just feel empty. I feel cold towards her and can't bring myself to offer her comfort or physical attention, I am more anxious about going home than I am about going into my high pressure job (I work 50+ hours a week), I can no longer eat the food she makes (macaroni cheese every week for 15 years is way too much) and prefer take-aways, and I dread going home if the boys are out - I just don't want to spend the time alone with her and equally dread her talking to me on anything meaningful in case I tell her the truth.A few years ago we both gave up smoking and coupled with this she entered early menopause. She is also on anti-depressants as her father is terminally ill and up till Xmas I was there for her through everything and offerred her comfort whenever she seemed to need it. I have since started smoking again but hid it (or tried to) from her. Recently she has been going through my things, checking out tool box's in the garage, comfronting me with bank statements that show I spent $12 at a local newsagaent etc and of course, she found a packet of cigarettes. Rather than confront me though, she placed an abusive note in the packet and waited for me to find it. It went like this - "You are a liar and a cheat and I am sick of people who are supposed to love me lying to me" "You are a LIAR".Last week, I got home on Tuesday night to an empty house (the boys were both at friends houses) which stated that I was cold to her and that her heart was broken. She had gone away for a few days to think and she would see me on Friday. She said that she couldn't believe this was happenning and that she would decide what to do when she got back.Now, roll forward to Friday and I return home from work. She is sitting on the lounge watching TV and calmly told me that she has been at a counselling lodge for 3 days. One of those places run by women for women to help them with their stress and bad marriage. She then told me that, after much thought, I was the problem in the marriage, her consellor told her that if I loved her, I wouldn't lie to her (the smoking). I was the money waster, the liar, the blame shifter and I was not paying her nearly enough attention. She then said that she was prepared to give it another go as she loved me deeply and always had.I responded by saying that I could see where she was coming from and accepted that I had been wrong to lie to her. I agreed that I had not always been prudent with money and that I had recently been cold towards her after 19 years of always being warm and being "available" emotionally for her. I explained that this was becasue I felt empty inside, I felt that I had exhausted all of my resources on her and that I now no longer loved her. I told her that I wanted to seperate and that I couldn't carry on living a lie.She was devastated and began sobbing and wailing. She told me that she would have to go as she couldn't afford the rent or the bills, that she didn't have enough pension to retire on as my pension was the main one (I have been paying in since I was 16), that all of the debt in the marriage was mine and that she would pay a cent of it and then that she loved me so much that we should work it out. She told me that I had promised to take care of her and that she had no-one in Australia to support her (we moved here 8 years ago from the UK and she has not maintained a single friendship in all that time - she "tells it like it is" even if it hurts and people get sick of it and her - when her best friends (at the time) daughter got pregnant my wife told her that "I hope you dont expect me to be happy for you, your daughter is nothing but a scrounger and you'll have no time for me after its born"!!) and that I had a duty to look after her and that I had an obligation to fulfil my promise. The tears went on and on and she kept leaving the room to sob in the bedroom but I stuck to my guns and told her again that I wanted to seperate. As she jsut kept getting worse and I was at risk of crumbling, I packed a bag and went to stay at a friends house.My stay over lasted until 2am when my oldest son called (I had talked to him about my feelings and he understood where I was at) saying that I had to come home as she was still inconsolable.I went home to find her lying in bed quietly sobbing.I can't stand to see a person (any person except myself that is) in pain and so, I foolishly climbed in besdie her, gave her a cuddle and we went to sleep.Saturday morning, everything was "normal" again. She got up and got ready for work, kissed me and off she went. Sunday was more of the same and she is acting as if the previous week never happenned. Sunday night, she tells me she is glad I realised that I love her and that she is glad I am not staying out of obligation. I tell her that I am staying out of duty, nothing else and lo and behold. Monday morning dawns and everything is back to "normal" again.I am silently screaming inside!! I have an ulcer, I am loosing weight, I am smoking double, feel empty and depressed and I JUST WANT OUT!!How do I leave her without destroying her?Is it an act from her or am I the worlds biggest B****rd?Did I dream the previous week?Tue, 19 Feb 2008 13:52:13 GMTkevlan40http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic593-5-1.aspxIs anyone aware of a relationship (though 1-on-1) counselling service in Richmond? I'd prefer a male counsellor.Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:42:42 GMTanonymoushttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic586-5-1.aspxHey, Not sure if there is anyone out there who can help, but here goes.My fiance left me 3 1/2 years ago. It was a sudden break up. One day I got home from work and she had moved out. No warnings or signs. We were together 6 years since we had met in Uni. To make matters worse, we attended a weding show a week before, and were shopping for a suitable engagement ring during the same week. Since then I have spoken to her once on the phone. Her reasons were all based on assumption about how our life together was going to be, and to add further injury, she never even tried to discuss what she was unhappy about. If she had spoken, I would have listened, but she said nothing. Other then that I have had only a few emails, telling me how great she was dong and how much happier she was not that she had started on her journey to 'find herself'. I was happy, in love and the future looked so promising. In the weeks following, I tried to get it out of some of her friends, even friends that I assume were 'ours', no longer wanted to speak to me. There is not a day that has gone by since that I do not try and figure out what went wrong. WHY? WHY? WHY? It is a horrible thing for a man to admit that he cries himself to sleep sometimes, but that is what I do. I have tried in the last few years to date again, but with no success, I cannot connect with other women at all anymore. Every so often I dream that my ex is back, I clearly recall in every dream getting so excited, so filled with elation that she is back that I wake up, and the realisation that I am alone, when it hits, is crushing. I have become an emotional zombie. I find myself becoming cynical when people around me talk about love and relationships, yet I am not able to tell them why. All I want is my ex back, and every likely scenario on how I can do it has revolved around my head over and over, yet I know that she has in her own mind moved on, without realising, or even caring about what she has done to me, how she made me feel. I even know her well enough to know that even if she felt pangs of guilt, or realised she made a mistake, she would never let me know as she would see it as a sign of weakness within herself. For 3 years and more, I have felt hopeless, lost and alone. I tried talking about it to friends and family, but came to the decision that talking wont bring her back, so it has no purpose. I need help, I cant go on like this. The break up took almost everything I had inside me just to keep my sanity, and there is very little left.Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:56:47 GMTHabithttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic545-5-1.aspxI've recently returned to Oz to find work in WA after a painful breakdown of a relationship with the mother of my two children who is from England and still lives there. Left on fairly amicable terms and though I am paying more than reasonable maintenance comparative to my income, she is only allowing me one phone call a fortnight to the eldest of my children who is just under 3 years. I am desperate for more regular contact but she is refusing to speak to me and has appointed her father as a mediator. He is judgemental of me and completely unsuitable for the role of mediator. Anyone have advice or know of suitable mediation services which can handle an international situation?Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:12:36 GMTnjerrimhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic584-5-1.aspxWHY MEI think that would be a question thrown around in here a fair bit. This is my first post in here, I am 32 and have to beautiful children and now as of yesterday no longer live with them, because i have been giving my marching order by my partner of 8 years.She had a close friend of hers pass away 3 weeks ago and after the funeral i was told life is to sort to be with you and she was taking the kids to her mums. So i had to move out, so we wouldnt take them away from me.Every thing i thought was going real well betwen us before this, just been on a 10 day holiday to the Gold Coast, i thought our relationship was going real well, so well i was saving to buy her a wedding ring to ask her on her 30th b'day.None of that happened now. She said she wanted a "NICE SPLIT FOR THE CHILDREN", but i end up getting was this wall between us and no matter how i high i climded, i couldnt get over it, but i could her it barking on the other side. I am just so lost, one minute it is fine, the next, see looks at me with such disgust in her eyes. I have been on a rollcoaster ride of emontions,, it like they come in waves. i came from a broken family but was very lucky to get a great step dad when i was very young, but i never wanted my own children to have a broken home. I still love my partner, but i dont know if i can every forgive her for this. I just hate her so much right now.This a story heard probly a million times but was to scared to call so this has help me a bit to say somethingTue, 01 Jul 2008 12:01:00 GMTDAN32http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic423-5-1.aspxHi allI am new to the forum but i thought it might be a good help.I have been married for 9 years and have 3 beautiful children.I work hard and have always tried to be the best father and husband i could be but it seems to my wife that thats not enough.She like most of her side of the family have to take medication(100mg per day)for mental disorder like bi polar.It helped for a while but she has also developed a drinking problem which i have been told by countless people is a no no with medication.I am struggling with the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it and have both reached the point where enough is enough.She just loses the plot and says and does things that no normal person would do in my opinion.At times has admitted to a problem but the other person takes over and refuses to get help.The smoking and drinking is getting worse and the personality changes are more frequent.I have cought her out lying to me and using my credit card then lying about that as well.She has pretty much always been a good mother but i am worried that if i leave she will do something stupid one night and put the kids at risk.Is there some way i can either make sure she gets help or i can have custody of the children till she gets her life back on track.?Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:42:24 GMTffo3http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic573-5-1.aspxI have a court agreement with my ex This has been in effect since 2002. Custody of my daughter has been every 2nd weekend for me. plus holidays - 4 weeks a year. She's moved around a couple of times and this time I've followed. I've moved closer because I was sick and tired of spending 8 hours in the car each fortnight. Now that I'm here, my daughter is saying to me on the phone that she doesn't want to be here - yet when she is here - she says she doesn't want to go back. Whats the go with that?After my daughters school phoned me to welcome me along to any volunteer days etc, the ex got really upset and made it difficult to communicate. I would like to be involved more in my daughters life, yet I,m not sure what to do next. I thought moving closer would make things easier, but it hasn't. I've just got less money to spend. any advice welcome.Thu, 26 Jun 2008 06:14:45 GMTSteadfasthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic479-5-1.aspxI am currently getting help with my depression and my past.I have my tough days and my days were its a breeze.I was physically and mentally abused by dad for a long time after my mother left us.In a way i was unfortunately his stress outlet and ended up being blamed for my mothers decision to leave us,i was the baby of my brothers and i.After going through all that and having alt of scars inside and out i find it hard to be sociable. I meet this amazing woman online and we got really close and still are very close today.She has been the reason ie been getting the help i need.She also helped get me off drugs and alcohol which i have been clean for just over a year.The problem is we have known eachother for 8 years and haven't met yet.I am physically ready to be with her but emotionally not.We have tried to met a few times but i backed out at the last minute.She says it's ok and that she supports me but i know it frustrates her and upsets her.We have argued over this quite a few times.I am inlove with her and she is inlove with me.we have become bestfriends and spend most of our time online together.I sometimes feel so stupid about me stopping being with her.She is really someone i feel like i can be with for the rest of my life.I try and explain to her how i am feeling and what i've been through but it's hard.She said she will wait for me until i get myself sorted but times i feel like she should just go and find someone else.Have any of you ever been through something like this before? I've been told it's Anxiety and that it's the fear of feeling real and whole because i've never felt that before that's stopping me.I'm just feeling like ive failed her or i am letting her downThu, 22 May 2008 14:32:02 GMTjhmfhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic554-5-1.aspxhi i really need help i was with my partner for ten years and things started to get a bit rocky after my son was born. due to financial circumstances we moved back to our parents house and things seemed to be great we started to go on dates again and spending alot more personal time together, however on one occasion her parents went away for the long weekend and i decided to stay there the weekend and we made love and she kept telling me see loved me i went out every morning and got her fresh flowers and we were like kids again. But her dad come home from his trip drink and really trying to get me to bite, he ended up physically shoving me and when it got serious i hit him, something i would never usually do and greatly regret since then my partner of ten years does not want to be with me. i tried to talk to her and she says she cant be with me right now and that she dosnt know how she feels about me amd whether or not we will ever get back together. i have tried pleading my case but it seems to have made it worse. she says she needs space and time which i am willy to give her i just dont know how to overcome the hurt and the ill feelings that i have. i also want to do small things just to let her know im still here and that im not going anywhere incase she ever needs me plz can someone tell me how to get over this pain of great lose and maybe give me some suggestions on how to woo her back PLZ . i look forward to your responses.:crying:Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:45:56 GMTlamorak109http://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic466-5-1.aspxMy wife and I are going through major issues and one of the things that seems to most upset her is that I control our communciation. I don't mean I don't let her speak but I work professionally in an area that involves lots of negotiation. She feels that she does not get heard because I am so good at getting my own way - I sort of tie her up verbally....... As a muddle headed man I sort of don't get this arguement but I would love to hear some suggestions / advice / comments.Thu, 01 May 2008 21:03:02 GMTSZMhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic188-5-1.aspxHi i called mensline last night and was helped it was good to talk to someone i guess now im searching for an opinion. Last night my partner and l broke up after 14 months together, and whilst that doesnt seem like a long time we had been through alot together.I met this girl at a time in my life when my current relationship had broken down and l had lost my two children. She was working two jobs to support her 3 year old daughter she was truely gorgeous and had been in a troublesome relationship with the father of her daughter for some time. The night after we got together she explained to me that while she and her ex were no longer a couple he still lived with her, and even though the pain he had put her through she couldnt just throw him out in the street, he was unemployed and hadnt worked in 3 years. I didnt know but she had hidden our relationship from him and we were forced to hide it just in case he found out and once again even though they wernt a couple he claimed some sort of ownership over her. After what was a very hard couple of months we " came out" and she told me i had given her the strength to " throw him out" now i know her fear was real because i had seen and heard alot about this guy. About 8 months into the relationship i was offered the chance to further my carrer and relocate to a coastal town where my children were located 150kms from where we were currently living. I thought this is a great chance i will see my kids more and its not that far away since l have a fully maintained and funded company car it wont cost me anything to travel back to see her, We discussed it at length and decided i had a good oppurtunity and should go for it and whilst the distance apart would be hard we would survive because of the deep love we shared for each other. (People had commented that when they saw us look at each other they could see the electricity between us). My house was sold and i had started the new job and travelled back 4 nights a week the first to weeks were amazing we would run uo to each other and throw our arms around each other , the love was real. But then she said she thought it would be best if we had " a break" we both agreed not to sleep with anyone else and would still talk everyday, and that we would still catch up for a chat of a Saturday during these chats i noticed she no longer wore the ring and necklace i bought her, and through a mutual friend was told she was being friendly again with her ex. I would lay in bed at night telling myself nothing was going on and we still talked, 7 weeks into the break she went to a football club ball and her ex was there as well i can only assume he was told we were no longer together to keep the peace because this friend had also been told that he thought we were no longer together.The Sunday morning came and i called her about 11 to see how her night went, and she balled i asked what was wrong and she nervously told me He had been nasty to her at the ball so she left and went home early, then he rang her at 1am saying he wanted to come around, she then told me sho woke at 3 am to find him sitting on the edge of her bed, and after asking him to leave he refused and pushed her around, im not sure if thats all that happened she didnt talk about to much. So the police were called and they took him away. I went straight around to comfort her i just gave her a hug even though i couldnt understand why she would go somewhere he was i she was already a mess and i didnt want to upset her. This is when we " got back together" she started putting in the effort driving the 150kms to see me and she was open about it he would ring her and tell him she was in Warrnambool with me and he cant annoy her or "leave me alone" she had once again regained her strength.She works in a pub and is extremely attractive her biggest downside is that shes a flirt (not a slut) we went out for a night on the town 2 weeks ago and i was very very drunk (not that im hiding behind that) and was down on myself i was sick of all these guys trying to crack onto her and stare at me after all what had i done wrong besides give her her strength back, she was flirting as she does and l cracked the @#$!s, she asked what was wrong " why are you with me when all these other guys want, what do you see in me, you dont really love me, i wanna GET BACK WITH MY EX?????) The only reason l said that was to push her away from me never did i personally attack her. The next morning i woke up and apologised straight away and kept apologising all day my ex honestly means nothing to me. She forgave me and said whilst it had set us back we would be fine, for the next week l searched for the raeson i said it, i truelly didnt mean it, she would tell me Stop beating yourself up we are fine.Sunday night rolls up the following week i had my kids and was tired BUT i still made 150km drive up there, when i got there she said how she "went out' last night and met a guy that was in a problem relationship and she told him about her ex and also my situation i thought nothing of it, i was ready for bed when her phone beeped and she said " this is the guy from last night with the problems" and it beeped and beepeda nd beeped and beeped each time she would send back a message. I went to bed a she sent me a message " is all ok" i sent back " its fine im just tired" and once again could here her phone beep she sent back "ok" so i got out of bed and kissed her then her phone vibrated it had been turned to silent. I said i felt like i was competing for her time and all l heard was " met this guy gave him my number" She blew it out of porportion saying i didnt trust her and was jelous and was hurt that i didnt trust her.All week things had been icy she wouldnt say much on the phone i drove up on Thursday and she said she questioning our relationship because Two weeks ago when i said about my ex i opened up old wounds and it was something like her ex would do. Friday nite i got a text msg saying she couldnt risk being hurt im sorry i cant do this i must fight my inner demons on my own" i tried to call no answer finally Sunday she answered i asked why i cried i begged for a second chance she agreed to drive the 150kms to explain her decsion.Last night she said she has a problem from the abuse he put on her and i helped her escape from that but she couldnt deal with it if i was part of her life it had to be done alone. I asked if just maybe the guy from sending the text messagers had maybe lent a supportive ear she said she would never cheat on me and cried, she cried when talking about her old wounds she hugged me when me both got sad and it was the hug that other person squeezers tighter cause they dont want to let go, i again asked if there was anyone else cause if there was i could understand she cried and said NO!!!!She left we said goodbye later l got a phone call from our friend asking how the night went, i told herwhat happened our friend was devastatded she had seen the chemistry between us, hlf a hour later the friend rang back saying her car was parked outside the guys house. Im shattered i dont know what to think, maybe its the answer i want to hear its easier to belive then not being given a second chance . How though could somene show such emotion and not just be truthful Tue, 13 Nov 2007 11:35:56 GMTSHAUNhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic544-5-1.aspxhi guys,as a new member to this forum, I am looking for any advice, particularly from those who have experienced similar situations.I have been separated-divorced from my wife for over four years now. Despite all this time having passed, I still do not enjoy a platonic relationship with my ex.She has remarried and had a child with her new partner, which I am happy for her, despite the fact that she never seems to be happy and puts effort into ensuring that I remain miserable it would seem. We have a daughter who I used to see on a regular basis when they were still living close to the city, but after moving to the country, the access to my daughter has been made extremely difficult often involving over a six hour return trip to see my daughter. There have been ongoing problems with breech of court orders, CSA agreements and the like. Out of the blue last week my ex advised me that her new partner has a working opportunity overseas and that she has made up her mind that she is going regardless of whether I take custody of my daughter or not. She put it to me that I could give up my CSA commitments and debt if I was to let her go, like a trade off, which totally disgusted me. Due to the ongoing CSA changes, increases and agreed debt resolutions, increased rental payments where i live, I think she thought that this would act as leverage. I discussed the overseas situation with my daughter over the weekend, and I would be happy to let her go as it would be a good experience for her as I did letting her move to the country for lifestyle reasons, and also believing that my ex would still adhere to the court orders on access, she never did. I was a little late in dropping my daughter back on Sunday after picking her up on the Friday evening after work, where on the rare occasion that my ex actually drove to the city as she had other business to tend to. Because I was late my ex ranted as per usual even though she was late for the drop off on the friday evening, got done for speeding and now apparently has no points left on her license. I did react by stating that it was ok for herself to be late, at which point she told me to f**k off in front of my daughter. The look of horror on my daughter's face was heartbreaking, I wanted to pack her back in the car and take her back home with me. We had agreed to discuss the potential move overseas, but unfortunately did not get to do this.She needs my permission for my daughter to obtain a passport which I was going to grant under certain conditions that would be drawn up legally. The country they are planning to go to has custody agreement between the two governments which gives me piece of mind.Why should I have to put up with her constant emotional, psychological and financial blackmail? Her new partner earns three times as much as me, she hasn't put in a tax return for three years and earns cash money from a home business.My daughter and I had a pleasant weekend where she met my girlfriend and they got on well. Later that evening I started receiving text messages from my ex with put downs and sarcasm in regarding my new relationship. I have found it difficult to find someone that I really like, and I wish she would just be happy for me even insinuating things that my daughter had said which I know are not true, but will not argue with her as it will only effect my daughter.Basically...I am at my wits end, drifting in and out of depression, financially insolvent. I can't even consolidate my my financial situation due to a default on my file which has come about four years ago on missing car payments as my ex did not transfer a loan into her name as per the court orders after financial settlement.My apologies for this rather long blog, I could go on.I also do not want to involve my new girlfriend too much for fear of bring our relationship down which happened in a previous failed relationship due to my unhappiness. How the hell do I stop being controlled by my ex?Thanks :pinch:Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:23:00 GMTgjsixstringhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic374-5-1.aspxI don't even know where to begin... I met my wife in high school, she was 15yo and I was 17yo. When I saw her, I truly thought it was magic. I had only dated a handful of girls prior, and none had lasted more than a couple of weeks. After dating for some time we moved into a flat together. I've had a small disability which I think destroys my self esteem and confidence. The wife was always wanting to read my mail and go to shops to pay my bills for me, which fueled a natural inclination towards being lazy also. But overall, things were going well. Most of our friends split up as time passed, but we were fine. My wife got pregnant as will happen when you live together and mis-carried. Seeing how crushed she was by this, as soon as she was ready I agreed to start a family.Over the years, we never lost that spark, that special feeling you get with someone you know is for you. And as the years had passed we had more children. We sometimes commented on how we knew we were "soul mates". I have a small disability and my wife has a small disability. Both disability are not noticable to an observer and neither should effect our lives, but we both feel similarly low on confidence. Just one way we fit together snuggly. My wife was born on Mother's Day, and I Father's Day. And the list just goes on and on, quirky little things which made us a unique and proud couple together. For a number of years, I stopped looking for work and started doing TAFE and other courses, to get myself out of labouring work and in to IT work. I even did some work for a local company repairing and maintaining their network. But, the wife got a new job and she was having fun. I ended up not being able to get a lot of my work done as I'd need to stay and look after the kids...multiple of by now. And so as her career picked up pace...I got stuck in the house.I have always been proud of her career. I have always been supportive. I think that when I look back now, getting stuck in the house with no car all day every day was bad. For the past 10 years I've turned to the itnernet for entertainment and company. In particular I got involved in MMORPG's. I stopped doing any housework about 5 years ago, and started getting the by now four children to do the majority of it. My wife would work roughly 1pm-9pm 5 days a week, and I'd sit and watch the kids and play internet games. The wife would make comments that I hadn't done the "washing" which was my agreed chore, but seemed to me to be not concerned by it.I mentioned earlier that I have more than my share of laziness. This is probably an understatement. Now, as I said earlier, the wife had started out opening my mail and paying my bills when we moved in together. I had loved this, it made me feel really warm and fuzy that she wanted to do things for me. We also had a joint bank account and within probably one or two years, she had control over all mail, finance and pretty much anything outside our home. But, at that point I still had friends. We moved house a couple of times for better prospects and opportunities, moving upto a thousand kilometers per move. In that sense we always bettered ourselves and improved. But, I was stuck at home all day, every day, with no car, no control over bills or finances and finally no friends outside the house with which to have social interaction.For the past 15 years, I have felt like the happiest man on Earth. We have 4 beautiful children and all are in perfect health. At that point the wife and & still held hands when we're outside the house no matter where we are, just like we did when we were 15 & 17. While the wife is at work and the kids are at school I just bury myself in to one of my internet games and have fun, it allows me to ignore the fact that I am stuck alone, in an empty house. Often I wouldn't even bother to log off when the wife knocked off. She was tired and wanted to watch TV before sleep.One night, I finished what I was doing on the PC early and went to bed. My wife was still awake and I gave her a kiss. She was watching some movie on her PC which was in our bedroom. One thing lead to another as it does and we had intercourse. We both feel asleep in each others' arms and none of the kids awoke us all night leaving us in peace. I slept and I slept. I heard no sounds in the house, no disturbances of any kind and managed to sleep right through to lunch.When I woke up, I half paniced. "Where's my son" I thought quickly. Then I realised it was a friday, he usually spends friday night at my grandfather's house. I began my day as per usual and everything appeared to be much the same as any friday. The phone rang that after noon and I looked at the clock as I answered. It was 3:10pm. My wife didn't say hello, she just said "I've done it".I said "Done what?".She replied "I've left you". "I have the kids with me". she then hung up on me and we didn't talk for several days. Every time I rang her mobile, she'd turn it off for 10 or 15 minutes. After a few more days, she rang me. She stated very matter of factly that she wanted 50/50 custody. I agreed and she hung up on me. The next day she brought my eldest son to me and said she wanted me to look after him for a couple of nights because he wasn't coping well.This was six weeks ago now. We've had some up and some downs. Mostly, she's told me what a bad husband I am....but I honestly can live with that, while if I have explained myself clear enough I didn't plan or plot our situation, I did fall in to it. That situation being that I never leave the house, have no friends other than my wife and no contact with people other than the internet. I could have been getting off my arse and doing more studies while I stayed home looking after the kids, I could have tried to get the housework done so that nobody else did. As I understood it though, everything between the wife & myself was perfect with no problems. I have since been working hard. I am now actively involved in the school's supervision programs to help the teachers watch the kids and have a spotlessly clean house even on my weeks with the kids.Every day and every night I cry my eyes out. Lonely, scared, hurt, ashamed and dearly missing my wife. When my wife is here with me and we do some things together, wether it be shopping or otherwise, we have a good time. We laugh and joke and really enjoy each others' company. When she leaves, she hugs me although she never says she loves me, I can almost feel it. When she arrives....she almost hates me. She's cold, bitter and unresponsive. Usually after 30 to 60 minutes of chat, she warms up and within hours can be bright as ever like we're still together.This rollercoaster is probably why I am still falling apart over 6 weeks after she left I suppose. But, today, she thought it was time to throw a new knife in. Today she informed me she's been "F*******" some guy from work for the past week...as she put it. She also told me she wants no relationship with him or me, but my wife & I are through forever so she says. She wants no more relationship with me. As I told her right afterwards though, I still feel very strong love for her. I would do anything to fix the marriage and make her happy.Whether she really is sleeping with someone from work or not, I guess I can't know, but I am terrified she is. I love her so much, for 15 years I have never so much as considered another woman. Some days I am suicidal, some days I struggle in by hoping to work it out. To even write this has been extremely painful, and I am sorry it is such a long rant. I needed somewhere to vent. You see, my only family in this city is my grandparents. They have not rung me or visited me since my wife left, yet their ring and visit her regularly. I am stuck here with no friends, no family, no wife jsut trying to work out how to get through another day.Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:35:35 GMTDumpeehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic529-5-1.aspxI'm screwed. House, car, partner of 7 years, job - all gone.Should I move to Wagga (which is near Sydney) or Brisbane (which is like Sydney)?? I'm in marketing. There are no kids.Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:18:35 GMTIanUpcreekhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum/Topic475-5-1.aspxWell what a mess I have got myself into!I have been married now just on 10 years, but have in the last 3-4 years have begun to have doubts about if my wife is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with (we have 2 children, daughter 9 and son 8).About 18mths ago I was retrenched from my job and became even more dissatisfied at home - I have in a way blamed my wife for not supporting me. In hindsight I feel I am not able to communicate with my wife about how I am feeling. Around this time I met another woman with whom I had a brief affair (3 weeks). She returned to her partner, which at the time was extreemly devistating for me.A few weeks latter I met another girl, with whom I have persued an affair until 3 weeks ago. She ended it due to my repeated failure I end my marrage - I did move out twice for a month in September last year and March this year. Frankly I don't blame her for her decision - but I have been absolutly devistated and sunken to lows I have never experienced before - she in fact found another man which made it even more emotional for me.I have now opened up to my wife, told her about the long term affair (not the shorter one), and told her why I was so distressed (ie my lover had dumped me for another man).Frankly I don't know what I am doing. I am hurting everyone in my life and I am out of control.Any advice?Sat, 10 May 2008 14:40:27 GMTkanga