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Junior Member
 
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 12:45 PM
Posts: 19,
Visits: 36
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I adore my wife but her dirnking has led to arguments and her kicking me out and having an avo put on me. A week into this supposed avo she contacted me 6 times in 1 hour asking if I had gone back to the UK. She obviously does not want me to or she could have found it all out through the police not through me. She then asked me where in sydney I was saying we had "business to attend to". Her euphemism for a meeting. We obviously have no affairs to deal with on a saturday evening. THe avo is up tomorrow ands I love her so much. I just know it is the disease making her do this but I love her so so so so much it hurts. Knowing she is in pain tells me why she is doing this. Al Anon has helped me know why she is doing this. Her frantic contact I believe was to check to see that her safety net had not been pulled from her. I do not think she wants this avo anymore because she would not have tried to get me so hard. The question is do sick but incredibly loving girls like her do this. She went from begging me not to have an affair and never to leave australia if we split to get lost and i never want to see you again or hear from you again. Then after that she was on the phone making sure I had not left. I am in despair, hurt and not one bit of anger to be honest. What comes out from me is pure 100% love. Eevryone I speak to including her father in UK says do not leave she needs you. What do you guys think. have you exeprienced any of this.
Chris
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
Posts: 26,
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hi chris
is she feeling homesick? how long has she been battling alcoholism? my boyfriends ex, also a severe alcoholic and suffers depression, put himthrough similar circumstances when together. would drink become violent and abusive (physically and emotionally) and then turn into a blubbering mess. we have been together for 5 years now and since i have met her this is basically routine behaviour not only towards us but her current partner. she is currently in counselling and take anti depressants. how ever we never know what tomorrow will bring. she is very unpredictable and can change into her split personality at the drop of a hat. i realise your love for your partner - counselling on a regular basis is a good option, if she agrees. does she realise the extent of her problem?
one thing you need to remember you can on ly do so much for her she has to realise she has a problem and then initiate action to fix it.
good luck!!
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 11:04 PM
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Mate, I don't have direct experience to help you with as far as female alchohics (thought I know a bit about crazies). Though I want to say first up I wish you all the best and hope it works out.
You say you are from the UK, she asks if you have moved back. I presume that means she is an Aussie.
All you can do is be there for her, encourage her to go into counselling preferably together at least to start with so you can say your feelings in a non confrontational way. Saying "I HATE YOUR DRINKING" will achieve nothing, it needs be said in a neutral environment in a way like "it worries me when you drink that much as you are hurting yourelf" with support from the counsellor. She is the the only one who can decide to change her behaviour. If she won't then it is up to you if you can live with that effect it has on her moods.
Who knows, Turning around and saying yes, you are going back to England might be the trigger to make her realise she is losing you and do something about it. But that's the drastic last step!
Best wishes mate
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Dear All,
On Wednesday night I got a 10 second phonecall from her (Drunk no doubt) saying "you f**king c**t I f**cking hate you and if you don't get out of my country you're going to f**king die". That was on Weds evening. On thursday she did not even turn up to court and the avo was adjourned so now there is nothing in force against me. I do not know whether to contact her and suggest a meeting or when she contacts me again ignorew her and make her think I have gone for a bit. Scare her if you will. I really do not know what is for the best. She is trying and the problem was not her homesickn ess but my own. I still am but have all this to deal with in addition. I must admit I am close to leaving not because I am losing my love for her but beginning to doubt her love for me and failing to see if there is a point in it all.
Chris
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Hi, this is a dependent relationship. She is feeling vulnerable but she has to admit her drinking problem and stop, even if it's only a day at a time, it will help. She needs your support but you can't run your life around her either. She needs to know that she can have your support but you want something in return. Her abusive behaviour has to be ignored. Reacting to it will only encourage more.
Don't know if that helps but...
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Yes it does help. She has shut out all her friends and the police too. The first time we rboke up she was in contact with her friends straight away. This time no way. I sent her a message on Thursday saying if she wanted me out of her life for her sake and NOT mine then tell me and I will go without further fuss and she has said nothing. Nothing at all. I asked her out for a coffee on saturday morning and had no reply, but then again her friends contacted her and had no reply too. I sent her a message on sunday morning to make her feel better saying that I left nothing for her. I was only saying it to make her feel special that I gave up everything for her but now I said worry not and do not feel bad, all I gave up was an old house an old car and a temporary job. I gained everything by coming here, everything. My best friend my lover and my soulmate. I have had friends telling me she has not laughed in the three years we were apart lkike she does with me. So to have you say that she needs me here is great and confirms what others have said. I just need to know there is a her to fight for thats all.
Thanks
chris
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 4:58 PM
Posts: 26,
Visits: 39
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hey chris
hows things? have you had contact that has been amicable? i really hope for the sake of your relationship that she realises that she is pushing you away. you must be a strong person to go through this on the recieving end.
let us know how things are going!
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| in 16 days i have had 6 texts asking where I am (Within 10 minutes one week ago) and one wishing me good night on the same evening. since then she has not turned up in court and given me a right going at the night before. since then she has not been in contact with ANYONE and i mean ANYONE. the police her best friends or anyone. I have been sending her messages of hope and support and had nothing back but then again no one has heard from her. she is in shut down again. I know when she called the night before the court case she was drunk as a newt. But my point is that as I am here on her visa she could have had me booted out by now if she really wanted to. She could have turned up at court , contacted my work, found out if i was here through the police or immigration . She did not have to contact me under the pretext of "having business to attend to". She is in immense pain I am sure and I am just in the cross fire of it at the moment. I do love her and believe there is a her to fight for. Your thoughts?
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