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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, December 15, 2007 11:04 PM
Posts: 5,
Visits: 33
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| i have a mate who has been given 12 months approximately to live,due to an illeness,he cant tell his wife or family,and chose to tell me,but asked me not to tell anyone.i want to help,but there is not much that any one can do for him,things dont look to good for him,no family that he can share this with and i cant be there for him when his family are around,a very hard thing to keep to myself.he is not close with his family,it is breaking up and the kids dont know how bad it is for mum & dad,but he is trying to be there for his kids,and dosent want them or anyone else knowing about this latest bad news.this is very bad
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, July 14, 2008 10:57 AM
Posts: 15,
Visits: 26
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| What a terrible situation. I feel for your predicament. Deciding not to tell anyone seems like a very bad decision on your friend's part. Even though I can understand his desire to protect his kids from further bad news, the reality is that his illness is going to become very apparent soon, and then his kids could well feel very angry that he hid this information from them. Not only that, but it prevents him from getting the support he needs, and hiding the truth will create considerable stress that will not help his health. I would be urging your friend to reconsider this decision. You have also been placed in a very difficult position, being asked to keep such a stressful secret. Secrecy and lies - not a good recipe for anyone's wellbeing.
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, December 15, 2007 11:04 PM
Posts: 5,
Visits: 33
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i have convinced my mate to go to sydney for a second opinion,this being a very serious thing that he has been diagnosed with,just in case there is some chance that the first doctor is wrong.his marriage is going to break up very soon,they haven't been close for a long time now,don't even sleep in the same bed any more.the kids know the situation between mum and dad and sort of accept it,but it will probably hurt them heaps when they actually do split up.they are teenagers, but there is never a good age to handle your parents splitting up i guess.his own brothers and sisters have families of their own and he dosen't want to tell them about this yet either.i want him to tell them so that he can have his family with him when he needs them,far better for family to console him than his boof headed mate.i try and carry on with life as best as normal as i can with him,but @#$! it is bloody hard,he has had enough bad stuff happen in his life already.i hope this second opinion is good news for him,the last thing he said is," he is not going to waste away and have no quality of life,no one is going to be wiping his bum and living his last days in a hospital somewhere".
sorry i am dumping this on anyone who cares to read it,but this is the only place i can get it of my chest as i cant talk to anyone about it, my missus knows that something is realy bugging me,but she has been ok ,after i told her that yes there is something but it is not about us and that i will tell when i can, but not to worry about us we are better than great.she will be bloody gutted too and will go crook that i didn't tell her,but hopefully i can tel her that he will be ok after this weekend.
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, July 14, 2008 10:57 AM
Posts: 15,
Visits: 26
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| I hope for everyone's sake the news is good too. Have you tried the helpline? Seeing as you can't talk to anyone it might help. I found them really useful when I was going through some @#$!, which is how I found this site. Might help you get this off your chest a bit.
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, September 02, 2008 9:43 AM
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Not a good situataion to be in,
someone should tell his family so they esecially his kids should be able to say good bye properly and have some healing b4 he does leave for good not an easy task.
I feel for you as I was told that from my father in law he didn't speak much to his daughter twice every year and then moved up our way had brought a property near our home and whilst settlement was going thru we let him and girlfriend live with us and just to be close and inform us he had cancer and prognosis wasn't good, his partner told me then expected me not to tell my wife c'mon man you can't do that but she said dad was waiting for the rite time to tell daughter. I broke that agreement and they were talking better than usual and healing began but the medical situation is still there, but the kids/ family need time to heal and say good bye this wont be easy road to travel but at least he wil have support that he deserves.
Ask yourself if you were in his position
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:18 AM
Posts: 26,
Visits: 50
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| I tend to agree with bushman, that at least you should be questioning whether or not keeping the secret is in your mate's best interests. I understand the dilemma: you've made a commitment and he'd be angry and might feel betrayed, but keeping an unhealthy secret is also problematic. Sheesh! It's like one of those ethical dilemmas they debate on radio! Quite a burden to be carrying. I feel for you.
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