InstantForum.NET v4.1.4Mensline Australia Discussion Forumhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum@menslineaus.org.auMon, 15 Mar 2010 09:04:20 GMT20http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1275-6-1.aspxHi all,I wonder if you can help me,I am rebuilding my relationship with my wife of 23 years. I am looking for the magic that brought us together originally, as I lost my way over the last 12 months.can any of you provide any tips or advice on the best way to do this?Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:06:36 GMTm73rocknrollerhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1318-6-1.aspxHELP, my partner is getting extremely angry when our twins cry...He doesn't seem to get it that he is not helping the situation...Its mainly only one twin that plays up that sets him off, but that twin is being subjected to his fathers unruly behaviour. He will start yelling at me whilst holding the crying baby, sometimes he has even pushed me & put his hands around my throat! He often throws things around the room when he goes into his 'physco' state. I cant describe it, its like something inside his head just cracks when the baby starts crying. I cant put up with this for the sake of the children but I don't know what to do? It would be really difficult for me to leave with two infants.:(Not that I want it to come to that as he would be a really good father, he's just not coping with everything. Plus he lost his sister before I fell pregnant & I think he has a lot of built up anger over that also. But do you think you can get men to go to counseling.Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:49:16 GMTscooterkoihttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1314-6-1.aspxI was previously married to a lady for 17 yrs that had postnatal depression a hormone in balance major, to cut along storey short the marriage ended 2 yrs ago I could no longer cope with being an emotional punching bag. I met a lady 14 months ago that rocked my world she was the it in my life 2 months later boom she took a contraceptive injection called depo provera that put her hormones totally out of wack she hasn't been the same person for 12 months constant character assassination, further her 14 yr old son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.The problem is all I wanted was piece in my life just a little and I now have a partner with hormone issues yet again that I truly love but is making feel depressed with all the issues and constant health problems she and her son have.Can any one help please?Tue, 12 Jan 2010 15:03:52 GMTJoelhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic800-6-1.aspxMy partner and I are in love and strongly attracted to each other. When we have sex it is fantastic and very loving - the best sex of my life. But he has a really strange physical reaction to sex. If we have sex more frequently than about once a week, he experiences an incredibly strong feeling of illness, as if he is utterly weak and drained, like an extreme flu, but worse. There are no problems with his libido or performance - his erections are strong and frequent!Because of this problem we don't have sex often and I find this very upsetting - I love him so much I want to express my feelings physically. It is causing problems in our relationship.We have talked to doctors and searched the internet, but no-one else seems to have ever had this problem. We have considered the possibility that it may be psychological, but he had been experiencing it for several years before he met me, and we have been together for a year - we have a very supportive and solid relationship.Does anyone recognise this problem, know anything about it and have any suggestions? Please help!Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:32:00 GMTinlovehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1305-6-1.aspxSorry its long but I need to get it off my chest !!!I have been married to my husband for nearly 17 years and have been with him since I left school at 16 years of age.As the years have gone by I see so many problems that have spiralled out of control and I now no longer know what to do and feel emotionally beaten down.Of recent years I am made to feel guilty for going out or away any where without him and when I either call him or he calls me I am made to feel bad purely through the tone of his voice. If I am late home or late for anything I am questioned and then made to feel terrible through the way he speaks and the look he has on his face. If anything disrupts his weekly routine he gets annoyed which includes me going next door for a quick catch up with the neighbors and if I get in a little late to cook his dinner I get the same treatment. I have become so self conscious of it all that I will rarely leave home and panic if Im late.Unfortunately he does not have a life other than me and no longer has any close friends, doesnt call anyone not even his family and totally relies on me to do everything.I feel he constantly keeps telling me what to do which drives me nuts and has even started asking me what I have had for lunch if I dont take something or if I do have I eaten it.I must also say he is very short tempered and flies off the handle at the most stupid things but this is not directed at me. A quick scenario is he cant the clothes drier started so will start swearing and smash it out of frustration. I find he manners quite rude in the way he speaks to people through to the way he will barge past people in the supermarket aisle without a mere excuse me. I find him best buddies with people at work one day and then cursing and calling them idiots the nest. Rarely does he think he is wrong and is very strong opinionated hating to be challenged. We have to be early everywhere we go and I dare not keep him waiting as he will start to hover over what I am doing. I find he has no tolerance or sense of humor anymore and becomes defensive very easily.Recently he has been diagnosed with diabetes and quit smoking so I have no doubt this has taken its toll on him but he has become worse than ever.When I approach him to speak about it he wont and says that he doesnt have a problem. I rarely find him in a good mood and have to be careful of what I say and do. I am not sure if he is suffering from Depression or possibly a mild case of bipolar but I no longer know what to do and feel if I leave it would be worse.He always has to buy things out of our means which an example being a brand new motor bike which mind you he has never been interested in before only got it because a guy he worked with did yet they are no longer friends. So this bike that ended up double the price of the one he initially looked at sits in the shed unused and had to be added to the mortgage to be paid for.I will stress he is a good man and not abusive and gives me everything he can financially which at the end of the day means nothing.Hoping someone out there can offer some advice as I dont know what to do anymore.Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:40:38 GMTDreamshttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1303-6-1.aspxTo cut a long story short, my husband of nearly 13 years 'went away' to work 3 years ago and we have barely seen him since (He is a pilot). He has contributed NOTHING financially to our son and myself in spite of many promises to 'see what he can do'. He has let our son down in a major way 3 birthdays running with promises made and not kept (who take a kid to a bike shop and helps him pick out a great bike, complete with accessories, promises it will be delivered and then nothing - 3 years on we are still waiting!!!!)???I have been begging for financial help and a younger car - told it will all happen, still waiting.He talks about how great our life will be when he gets home (he is due for retirement - a month ago!!!) talks about getting a house blah blah blah... I haven't seen or heard from him in 5 weeks and that was a 2 hour visit where he asked me not to be mad at him over our situation.What kind of husband puts his family LAST on any kind of list of priorities? Tonight our son graduates year 6 - its a big deal to him and his dad isn't around.....He barely communicates and its rarely anything on a loving or intimate level - apart from swearing we mean his whole world...... so if we mean so much to you WHY don't you even support us with the basics like a roof over our head?So I am at the point, after 3 years of waiting for a man I positively adore, of beginning to think he is never coming back and he isn't interested in having us in his life.Fine, I can't make him stay if he wants out.But why in Hell doesn't he get honest and just bloody say so??? I Love him so much and I miss him terribly, but I am a big girl. I don't have to like hearing it, but for god's sake be honest!! I deserve at least that much after everying we have been through over the last 3 years because of him.... (and I have only just skimmed the surface of what has happened but it's just too damned depressing to list it all).If he wants us, where is he?? If he wants out, why doesn't he just come clean?? How much longer am I supposed to put up with appalling state of affairs without closure of SOME kind??Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:29:58 GMTWonderingwomanhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1229-6-1.aspxHi I really need some advice as i don't know what to do.My husband has been subject to office bully a few years. It had really affected him and had become pretty withdrawn. He doesn't like to go out, constantly comparing himself to other guys. Basically doesn't like himself. he had thought of leaving me and commit suicide as he thinks he's worthless to anyone.He's a smart, loyal and gentle person. He's parents doesn't show as much love as they do with his brothers.for the past few years, we have been constantly arguing. I do blame myself when we do argue as I should help him more and that I'm the one that contributed to the problem.It had affected his work as he thinks others are way superior to him. Because of the office bully, he lack the motivation to keep up with his skills. It is getting worse now as he would tell his work colleague that his doesn't know anything.We don't go out much as he thinks that people laugh at him. I do get a bit snappy at him at times as I'm trying to make our relationship work but he constantly just don't want to do or care about anything.I'm just really worried.We do have our happy moments.What can i do?? He doesn't want to go & see a specialist. he thinks that he just a waste in this world. Him mum doesn't help by constantly getting mad at him if he doesn't help out with family things. Where on the other hand his younger brother gets away with murder.I have my own family issues but I want to help my husband to rebuild his confidence back. But i just don't know what to do.He had an interest in photography so i try to encourage to take up. He gets really good comments about it but he thinks its just luck and that anyone can take pictures. His job is what had helped him got through some rough times before we met. Its not that he's not happy with work at the moment (he changed job) but just that he feels so behind in skills that makes him constantly depressed.Please help.Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:50:33 GMTlostwifehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1214-6-1.aspxHi, My wife has had depression for a few years now and thought we were on top of it but early last year she started to steal money from friends, work etc. Anyway this was a huge kick in the guts to me and our 3 boys only aged 1 , 4 , 6. When this happened she got a lot of support from friends me and family, she went to counseling and kept on her depressants but her counselor left 3 months ago and she has stole money again from good friends, I just don't know what to do for her anymore I fear our kids could start to get hurt now.Mon, 14 Sep 2009 17:33:06 GMTDbushyhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic824-6-1.aspxHi,I know I'm going to sound really disturbed and i guess i am.This is going to be a very long story but i hope someone takes the time to read this if they have been in a similar situation to me because i just don't know what to do anymore and i'm just about ready to commit suicide.I met my partner when we were both teenagers and we were each other's firsts. As we got very serious about each other he went overseas for about four months.I was allowed to do stayovers and before he left i was staying up to four nights a week. I'm so in love with him and i was as much in love with him back then so when he left i was devastated.I was always quite a lonely person and kept to myself before i met him which seems odd because i was so young but i suffered a lot of disappointment growing up from "friends" and family as well that i guess it was my way of protecting myself.hen i met him though i opened myself up for the first time to somebody and i gave him everything i had. Then he left. This hurt me immensely but i often put on a brave face during phone calls and asked about his day etc. I would call him every day and it was the highlight of my day. He would always get extremely jealous and possessive if i went out with friends and slowly i found myself lonelier than ever and really beginning to have depression, as i needed my friends around me during this time but didnt want to get him offside, so my friends dropped off.Then he came back. His mum is a single mother and i was always cautious of her as she had said some awful things about me before she even met me. As i learned my partner's story about his parents and their divorce, and after her telling me a few disturbing things when he was away, i realised that one day i might be unwelcome in the household because i was stealing his affection and his mum didn't like that one bit.Sure enough he'd come home and that weekend i stayed over, i was to stay over the following night as well but didn't get the chance as at 11:30pm at night his mum told him in their native language that i was to leave tonight, that i wasn't staying over.I was devastated :'( i hoped that he wouldn't take her side and that he'd be level headed about it. I mean i understood it's her house and her rules so what she said goes. I never really argued with that. But he ended up blaming me for getting kicked out and he continued to do so for yrs and even says now, "you don't come over" when he knows that i'm not allowed over.Things went from bad to worse. He grew resentful about our situation, because my parents found out that i'd been kicked out of his house because i went to my room and was crying in there for hrs. So they made me tell them what was wrong, to which they responded by saying that my partner wasn't welcome in our house as a result of his mum doing what she did.We had had a really terrible argument before he was due to come home from overseas, i was suffering depression so fierce that i told him i didn't love him anymore (which was the biggest lie ever but i had no friends by this point and i felt like my life was getting out of my control completely. and he wasn't nearby yet he didnt like me hanging out with my friends. i just didnt know what to do anymore). anyway that hurt us both and then after apologising and saying i didnt mean it and i hope he can forgive me and get back with me he then turned around and said to me that he didn't know if he wanted a relationship anyway, and that he couldn't handle my "@#$!" ( i was havign problems at home, my parents were constantly threatening to kick me out). i was so hurt, then he told me not to come to the airport when he got home.to make matters worse i got so ill the night before he was due home i couldnt get out of bed in time to see him anyway. so i never made it to the airport :(he never told his mum about our fights, so the only thing i can glean from why she kicked me out was because she didn't like him being in love with me.We were together after breaking up over this for a month or so, then 6 months on out of the blue and without any explanation he just ended it with me. i met up with him several times and became so distraught because he never could tell me why he was breaking up with me.I wanted to commit suicide after waiting for him and having nobody, i just felt so alone and depressed. I ran a bath once but my parents caught me and stopped me.I once drove to his house and asked him to come outside to help me score some drugs so i could O.D.I was a complete mess. To make matters worse for 4 months after he broke up with me he's apologise and say he was sorry and that he loved me, would have sex with me and then would "break up" with me straight afterwards. This happened constantly over the four months.It got to the point where i would sleep every day for hrs and hrs just to escape from my depression over this treatment. The problem was and still is that i love him so much even after what he's done to me.I would wake up every night and go online and eventually i made a friend online who was so kind and helped me a lot, i can honestly say for a time there he was the only reason i stayed alive.Anyway after these few months i eventually stopped listening to his lies about wanting me back because all he did was ditch me again. With the help of my friend i got on with things and it was probably a 3 week spell and didnt hear anything from my partner.Then on valentines day he rang me up and said he was so sorry for what he did and could he have another chance with me. I said no and hung up. But then i gave in and came to see him and we were back together again.Throughout our relationship he has put me down and called me names. It got to the point 6 months after valentines day hat he never even wanted to spend any time with me. We'd had a fight one night and this girl who has wanted him from day one and him went out for dinner on a saturday night instead of resolving the fight with me :(I was so down by this treatment at this time that i ended it with him. My way of dealing with this was pretending i didn't care at all and pushing it to the back of my mind. But this only lasted a month or so and i was back in contact with him again and he said let's get back together.We did again. I know it sounds weird after what he'd done but i always believed his word, i never thought he would lie to me. But over the next few months i found out all these lies he told which dated back to when we were first getting together (it had been 2 yrs since then by this stage).I was so depressed over it, the lies were particularly about spending time with this girl that i've mentioned above. After confronting him about it even though i knew the truth he lied to me again. And i was so disgusted that i ended it with him.I was disgusted but i still loved him :( so i'd go back and get used and he'd say we were together then ths time it was so much worse. He'd say we were back together but then i wouldnt hear from him for weeks on end. I knew he was seeing this other girl, he would even switch his phone off on me and not answer my calls but we were supposed to be "together".I don't know, in the back of my head i just didnt wanna believe he was seeing her. Even though in fights he would tell me how he was trying to get with her and have sex with her etc.I keep a journal and i started writing in it because i was so lonely. But it got really weird, i pretended i was with somebody else and how we were getting together and we were going to spend time together. I guess it was my way of coping because i just really didn't wanna be alive anymore :(By this stage i was severly depressed. I wouldn't get out of bed at all, and i'd try at night time to contact him but he'd either ignore my msgs or switch his phone off. I just wanted to know why he'd done it i guess and why he kept leading me on :'(This went on for months and months. Before new yr he met up with me, i had tried to commit suicide which he knew about. He had sex with me when we met up but said he didn't wanna see me on new yr. i knew he was going to see that girl and everyone else but me, i was so hurt.On new yr i msged him along with other friends "happy new yr". I put my phone down and got a missed call from him, so i called him back. Somebody answered but it wasn't him, i asked if i could speak to him because he called me and the person told me to fk off and jump off a bridge. I couldnt really believe what i was hearing so i rang back thinking it must be some mistake. But it was the same voice again telling me to jump off a bridge. I put the phone down crying and crying, i spent the new yr outside my place crying my eyes out as ppl were over and i couldnt do it inside without them asking what was wrong.He'd put his friend up to that nasty joke when all i did was wish him a happy new yr :(i was devastated. Anyway stupidly i met up with him after the new yr. he used me a lot. I wasn't feeling so good one day and decided to do a preg test. it tested positive. I did another one to make sure and that tested negative. Confused i went to the doctors. I thought i'd tell my partner what was going on tho, as i was so sad and alone and didnt really know how to cope with the news.He just told me to "get ride of it" and that was it. I was distraught. I went to the drive-ins on my own which is where we used to go together just to try and take my mind off things.On the monday i went to the doctor and he confirmed that i wasn't pregnant, and that the first test i did must have been a dud.I was relieved as my partner didn't even want the baby if i was pregnant. But i was also severley depressed by this news.I tried for a few months after this just to get some answers from him. After him not even giving me some explanations for why he had done what he did, but was still continuing to tell me he loved me, i found out all these things like how he was planning to spend new yr at his mates and was gonna invite this girl along, how he was going to take her to restaurants that we went together and how he wanted to go away with her. This wasn't just rumour it was something i had read - he wrote all of this on someone's facebook.I was so devastated. This really put me in a worse position with my depression, but i had made some really nice friends, the first i had in a long time, and i managed to get myself out and about. I was still very depressed and i still craved some answers but eventually i just gave up and tried really hard to get my life back on track.I ran into him the day before my birthday at uni. That night he emailed me saying happy birthday etc. I asked him to leave me alone but we talked and we ended up getting back together. He kept insisting that nothing happened with that girl but by this stage i had lost all trust and i didn't believe a word he said to me :(I was in so much pain. I love this guy so much but after all he did to me the trust was gone. He seemed like he really wanted to try but i had had enough.I made a new friend and he was really supportive. We've only ever been friends and i know he cares about me a lot but only in a sisterly way. I should have taken this chance to really get over my partner, as my friend had just broken uop with a girl and we were helping each other through our pain.But it was no use :( i was still so in love with my partner, i contacted him and asked how he was going, and since then we have been off and on constantly.The lastest thing is my doctor told me i was pregnant,l but she confused me with anothe rpatient and i ended up not being pregnant. I thought i was pregnant from last thursday to this monday just gone. I decided that i had to tell my partner about the baby, i was miserable the entire weekend he didn't want the baby again and i wanted it so much. I have hit rock bottom :"(Anyway we were supposed to be trying again but as usual he keeps breaking it off with me for petty reasons. He read my journal and after telling me im a slut, that he sleeps like a baby at night and doesnt care about me etc. i dont want him to read my journal anymore :( so i pretended that i like my friend, the one who is supportive towards me so he'd stop reading it.But instead he throws this back in my face and gives me this as a reason we arent together. and then after the pain he saw me go thru on the weekend about the baby then turns around and says ive made it up :"(he wonders why i dont want to have sex with him yet all he does is get back with me because he knows its the only way he can have sex with me then as soon as its over he dumps me again :"(I really have hit rock bottom. I just dont wanna be here anymore :'( i know its my own fault and that i kept going bak and i only blame myself for this. But its so hard because even after all of this i still love him so much.He fks with my head he treats me so badly yet he says he loves me all the time. He's the only person to have ever said he loves me and wants a future with me, and i wan tto believe it so much because its what i want with him :(he says that what we have is special and it was so special at the bginning. I know he makes all these excuses because reall yhe's just a mama's boy and i know she threatens him and wont allow him to be with me so he chickens out :(and i know there is nothing even likeable about this guy, i know but still i love him. Im caught in this vicious cycle and i just dont know what to do. I don't want to be here but i am afraid of the pain it will cause my family if i do anything.I'm sorry this has been such an epic response and i know i really need help, i've just lost a lust for life and i just see such a stretch of loneliness before me, and i just dont want to feel lonely anymore it tears me up inside. Pls help me :'(Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:08:38 GMTDepressedhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1003-6-1.aspxmy partner has just told me that he has got clinical depression. he has been down for a while which i had noticed but he told me at the weekend that his work were worried about him and were going to stuck him on sick leave. he told me yesterday that he suspects that he is depressed again and that he is booked into see his doctor tomorrow about going back on antidepressants. he was on them before we got together for the same thing. i am trying so hard not to believe that it has anything to do with me, i am not the easiest person to cope with. he explained to me the reasons why he thinks this has started again, his mum is really ill, his sister is struggling with depression herself, we have alot of outgoings and not alot of incoming at the moment, so money is an issue. his ex who he has a 1 year old boy with has caused a few problems in the past but recently she has been alright but who knows how long that will last. he has no time for himself and we dont get alot of time together, he has his son 2 nights a week and he does not stay at mine. we cannot afford to live together at the moment. i am scared and worried for him and i dont really know what to do.Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:10:23 GMTkatb83http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic984-6-1.aspxJust wondering if the men could give feedback on this one. There's that old theory about the "male intimacy cycle" or "rubberband theory". Would you agree that this is true? If yes, to what degree? I guess I'm asking because I think I'm experiencing something of this nature with someone I've been seeing for the last four months. He's recently said to me that he loves me, introduced me to his son and suggested ways he intends to improve our relationship or carry it forward. Then, suddenly he's not answering messages or calls. I have decided not to contact him again but to leave him 'be'. I know he'll show up again eventually and I've stressed about it in the past only to find that everything was fine. I'm wondering if my man is simply following this cycle or is it just a myth?:)Sun, 15 Mar 2009 17:37:23 GMTbthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic835-6-1.aspxDating a really lovely man whose company I adore and who adores mine. However, He's 50yrs old, left his marriage of 26yrs a year ago and has adult children. I'm 36 and never married so we're at different points in our lives and this has been discussed. I am reconciled with the possibility of never having kids though it would be nice. He's not interested in commitment again (fair enough!). So it's going to be interesting. We're both surprised by how much feeling there is between us on an intellectual, emotional and sexual level despite our differences.I'm just going to take things day by day and enjoy the moments spent with him.Anyone got any stories to share on this sort of thing?Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:40:59 GMTbthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1001-6-1.aspxI have a child with my ex . one thing when our child was born he wanted nothing to do with him. he refuse to help look after our son. I did all the work which he blames me for spending to much time with our son who has autism. I try to be there for my partner at the time but only got push away . my ex was hooking up with all different women going meeting them. Which trigger the fights plus our son watch this. One day my ex turn and wanted he freedom which he want to see many women he like and not bother with me and our son. I was ok for that.But now it seem that we broke up and he want to have contact with his son . My son struggle to bond with his dad . One that they had no bonding together even I had to force it. The first year of the break up was hard when there were plans for my ex to see his son fail to show up . then call and ask for his son when it my turn.I had to do the chasing to the point I had a break down. I want my son to know his father but how can you explain when your child is sitting and waiting for him to show up and never comes.I get the blame for all this due to I refuse my ex to see him when it my week. I don't understand that my ex know the days he come to visit and again refuse to follow them.he never call to say I am sorry I can't make it which would not hurt . I have not stop him to write which would be great to help my son to read and write back something for him in the mail. but my ex refuse to do that . One thing is that he call but complain that my son speech is not the best . our son teacher understand him , my family and I can understand him but my ex refuse to .our son is at school and I would like him to go to school . My ex work on the weekend and has day off durnduring week and want to see his son on those days. I refuse to allow that due to school is more important. Plus when our son that has autism struggle when he miss one day of school.My son like rounroutine my ex doesn't understand that . I get told I am a control freak with all this stuff you can't do or can do . I gave up my way of life to make it easy for my son to cope. I rather a peaceful home then a trash up out of control child. plus my son got outside stuff like swimming and speech and scouts which happen to fall on the day his dad got off . I got no control on those actiactives oureourn want to do swimming and scout and speech is hard to get into when there a waiting line for three year which he got in but it happen to be on the day his dad got off. I try to change it up I would end up on the waiting list for a different day.But it look like I did this to stop my ex having contact . I like our son to have friends his age not having friend with different women come and go from ages 16 to 37 . most are under 21 that my ex are dating and he is 37. My son has other day off a normal father would change his work to meet those day he got off . Not my ex. Christmas time my ex refuse to get our son christmas gifts . I went out and brought the gift and put on it from dad not get a thank you . I even allow him to visit on christmas day and watch his son open his gifts.he fail to show up last year . My son call him to wish him a happy birthday and get a message phone turn off.every time my son want to talk to his dad on the phone he get that . I call I have to ask if he not busy so that I can put our son on the phone. Our son speak for about 3min3mins tell his dad goodbye . I get blame for that . But my son does that to everyone that call him. Oh my ex is remarried and I would like to meet his wife not to trash her or be nasty but to help her understand what she is in for when she is left with her new step son but I also found out that he having a child with her and want nothing to do with us. until something go wrong.If this was all about me I would pack up and leave with no contact where i am or anything at times that how I feel . I rather not due to my son need his dad but I hate getting blame for it .All I want to know is why does a man that want nothing to do with a child want the child after the break up?Oh one of my ex excuse was what can you do with a baby they are no fun . but his son was active child when he was 12mth onward..Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:06:52 GMTkermithttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic997-6-1.aspxHiMy story with depression. Things started to get tough for me when I told on a high stress job in the UK. Long hours and high stress continued for about 6 months. Then gradually my short term memory deteriorated, I felt low energy fatigue, I couldnt get a good nights sleep and my sex drive disappeared. The stress of work finally caused me to have a motorbike crash and as soon as I could I left to come home to Sydney. But the symptoms persisted. It caused the break up with my girlfriend and I havent been able to get a job since. I went to the doctor who asked me 5 questions said I had depression and wanted to pump me full of drugs. I just didnt believe him. I felt fine but I knew my brain was not functioning as it should. I went to see a pschologist who told me the same. I had depression. After some contemplation I decided to try Zoloft to see if it would help. After 3 weeks I didnt feel any better just got side affects of diarrhea and head aches. Then I found on Gumtree a clinical study that has started at Westmead's Hospital on depression. I contacted them and enrolled. A day in hospital I had an a sic test, MRI scan, had an electrodes cap put on while more test were carried. Basically had a thorough examination. I have just gone on a unknown drug and they monitor me weekly with tests being carried out throughout a year period to confirm if these drugs are working. This study is aimed at understanding depression more and the drugs that are administered to treat it. I am really happy that I am found someone who can provide me with some credible feedback. I urge anyone who is hesitant on going on treatment to contact these guys. You will feel confident that someone is taking your condition seriously.But beware there is only a limited amount of places on this study. For more information use the link below.[url]http://sydney.gumtree.com.au/c-Community-other-Depression-Research-Help-Make-a-Difference-W0QQAdIdZ112644050[/url]Good luck either way.Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:59:45 GMThugomaxhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic891-6-1.aspxOkay boys. Here's the thing. We *know* you do it and we usually know why you do it (usually aroudn the 2-3 month mark ..... but going suddenly silent instead of saying, "Hey, you know, I really need some time out" is disrespectful and downright rude. Got it?I've had enough time on earth to not get too bothered about it happening, to let him go etc but boy, do I get angry about bad manners. Just be honest and you'll keep our respect. Play the "I'm going to pretend she doesn't exist and be silent" game loses our respect real quick which isn't much good for you if you decide it's right and you want to return to your woman's arms.I met a man a year ago that freaked out early on (his own baggage got in the way and he wasn't ready to move into a new relationship) but he had the courtesy to tell me honestly that he wasn't ready. I still totally appreciate and respect him for being a lovely, sweet person who's very important to me even though we're not together.So, why do you insist on behaving so rudely? Why's the cat got your tongue?Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:31:16 GMTbthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic853-6-1.aspxHi Guys,I am a mother of two beautiful children aged 4 & 6, I have been married for 7 years and with my partner for 10. My husband recently went on a business trip for a week, and i noticed that he was short with me and very distant. When he came home he kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked and thought that was odd. I have a fairly good sense normally if something is up and my radar was working from his general vibe. He proceeded to be short with me and when he had his shower i checked his mobile phone, basically there was a reponding text message from his sister, saying how her life was a "front" and if he ever needed to talk then he could contact her. His messages to her were deleted. Its been an intense several days, He feels that we are friends more then husband and wife and my family are intruding on our life. I spoke with a counsellor trying to get some advice, and she suggested that i write down solutions to those points that he made and find ways or suggestions that we can do to try and improve things. I was very careful how i worded things, so they didn't seem to be attacking him, and tried to encourage the idea that i wanted him to be able to have more time for himself as he seems to have been lost over the years. He then became snappy and disconnected. I got frustrated cause i was only trying to help, as he said he wanted to work through this together. He said he needs time to work through it, and i am trying to be as supportive as i can to give him that time. He is sleeping in a separate room now and I haven't eaten pretty much since friday night because i just feel so sick. I don't know how i am supposed to act, should i take the kids and go away for a few days and give him time by himself. I just don't know what to do. He can't handle seeing me upset, so i am try not to cry infront of him or anything i don't want to push him away further.I think the problem is within himself, his not happy with any part of his life, he hates his job, he has no friends (by choice) and has no hobbies or interests (he used to but, aside from liking documentarys on history that's it). But he likes his life like that. His family are miles away, and if he loses us then he has nothing except his freedom which he has anyway because i am more than happy for him to do what he likes and go out with friends - i just draw the line at having other partners! but other than that... I understand that we have been more like friends than husband and wife, but that's not through my lack of trying. I have tried to spice things up in our relationship with various things, and the last resort was buying pills to enhance his "motiviation". Which seemed to help and then he stopped taking them. He doesn't want to talk to me, its like its too hard. And I can see his tired so i don't push the issue. Maybe i should have?Any input from a guys perspective would be great. I'm rather freaked out about the whole thing, i feel quite ill and now we are coming up to christmas........just a bad time of year, especially with the kids.How the hell am I gonna tell them. DevastatedTue, 16 Dec 2008 22:10:04 GMTJo_1979http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic968-6-1.aspxI know this is a men's support forum, but I came in hoping to find an answer to my partners sudden change of heart. It's a long story.. where to start?I knew my partner before we started having a mutual arrangement. I'm a twice divorced mother of four (only one very easy 12 year old daughter at home now) he was a fun, cheeky, easy going guy.. he's 14 years my junior and he was just perfect.... affectionate, caring, loving, funny, giving....the sex was fantastic. He declared his unwavering love for me and we talked about future plans and goals. It was his idea to move in with me so we rented a house together... He took on a new job as manager and immediately started feeling the stresses.... He had been on anti depressants a couple of times over the years and I learned from meeting his friends that he was so severley depressed prior to meeting me that they were all convinced he had comcommittedicide... even his ex girgirlfriendid she had never seen him so happy....I don't know where that man has gone! I've been doing everything I can to help relieve his stress level.. He does absolutely nothing around the house and our back yard looks like a jungle..he has been taking Zoloft for about two months now and tells me that he has absolutely no feelings for anything or anyone..no interest in sex or intimacy at all. We've been trying for a baby and got engaged on valentines day... Now he tells me that he hates babies and never wants them..he doesn't ever want to get married and doesn't want to be engaged. His only interest is smoking pot and playing online D & D style games. ApapApparently"don't live in the same world." I love him dreadearly want to support him to address the depression but he tells me that he just wants to shut himself off. This is resembling a case of De ja Vu... 7 years ago my husband commcommittedcide due to depression.... This isn't fair on me or my children but I can't walk away... Am I fighting a losing battle? I desperately need a male point of view here... [Crying]Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:21:01 GMTLeehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic83-6-1.aspxhiya,Here's one for ya! i'm 30 weeks pregnant, and have been with my partner for 2.5 years. The pregnancy was planned and we adore each other, but for the last 2 months he has become increasingly depressed. There are many factors contributing to his depression, but probably - more than likely - it stems from a chemical imbalance, as he has had it from a very young age. The thing is, up until the last year, he has lived a pretty wild life - working as a bouncer, travelling, partying and playing footy. He's now 45, and has 2 businesses, we built a house last year that has a fairly hefty mortgage, a dog, a partner and a bub on the way. So yep - there are elements that scream 'mid-life crisis'. He has no interest in being involved in the pregnancy or birth. He's never been to an ultrasound or antenatal visit with me, doesn't want to come to antenatal classes, and doesn't want to be there for the birth.He has very good control over his display of emotion - he has such a good facade that nearly no-one but me knows how much he is a train-wreck inside. He's always used excercise as his outlet - footy, mountain-biking, the gym, boxing etc. But this time its not curbing the anxiety. He's not sleeping, and his enormous appetite is a shadow of its former self.He is also craving sexual attention from other women. He's talked to me about this and ensured that it has nothing to do with me, and i do get that. He's finding my usually slim, athletic body unattractive and although we are still having sex, it's me who is initiating it. I guess he gets through it with fantasy. Again - i know it's not personal - he loves me to death and knows it's temporary, but .... ouch!On the flipside, i have been coping very well with this pregnancy. I have had a fair bit of thereapy before for differing reasons, so have the tools to use to get through this and stay afloat. I've always believed that when it comes down to it and the baby is born, he will take to it like a fish to water - but he needs to get rid of these demons that are running around in his psyche. He has accepted that he has to see a GP... and will do so tomorrow. I think he may be thinking that antidepressants are the answer. Maybe they are, but i would like him to try kinesiology. How do you get a man to try holistic, natural therapy instead of drugs? :crazy:BecSun, 01 Jul 2007 14:36:48 GMTbecstar1http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic46-6-1.aspxThis forum is looking a little lonely so i guess i will get the ball rolling...Firstly a little bit about myself. I am a married stay at home mother of 2 children. My husband and i have our own business and this is where our problems stem from so here goes the essay... (BTW im so happy i stumbled upon a 'mens' forum coz now i can get a man's perspective/opinion.advice and not the one's espoused by women's magazines.)Basically my husband works WAY too many hours. Even if he only worked 4 days a week we would not starve and still have a roof over our heads. His excuse is that if he doesnt work we dont make as much money but he hardly sees the kids and he hardly sees me.Our r/ship is suffering and we have many problems.Firstly, our sex life has not just taken a back seat, it has literally been thrown out the window. I know he works very hard for us (please tell me if i sound like a selfish b***) but i am SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!. I am so irritable because of this and i snap at my children a lot. He is always too tired for sex and when is isnt tired he isnt in the mood for it. Ever. i have tried talking to this about him and he tells me he is too tired so deal with it. When we do have sex - i know this is horrible and im not proud of it one bit - i harass him from dinnnertime onwards so that he knows that i want it. Most of the time he tells me he is too tired and i accept it. I feel like im being starved. Along with the lack of sex is the general lack of intimacy and affection. I always try and give him cuddles and kisses and he just shrugs me off. I send him cute sms' and he will ring me up and say 'what was that for'.Secondly, trying to make him talk about our personal and private issues is very hard. He is always clammed up and it doesnt help that i hardly see him. If i try and talk to him he will either shrugs me off or give some typical guy answer and thats what im left with. Surprisingly there is very little tension between us, probably coz we get along very well, we really are best friends and also because i keep my emotions in check around him. Unfortunately its my children who suffer i.e i take it out on them. Also i must add that EVERYTHING is done for him housework wise. I used to ask him to help out but he used to hate being asked to help even though it wasless for me to do but since i decided i would not ask him to help out heis much happier. He is also like this with the kids, I never ask him to help out and he likes it this way.Thirdly, because of all the above, im scared that if an opportunity presents itself, that i will stray.What i would like to know is how do i talk to him with the goal being to make him open up about our lack of intimacy, how long he works etc without trying to sound overbearing?As for our sex problems, who do u go to for help??? Any bit of advice would be great and thanks for listening to my rant :)sassWed, 30 May 2007 15:19:52 GMTsasshttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic702-6-1.aspxHow did I become this person to the one person i loved the most. I had it all a beautiful wife and a beautiful 12 mth old son, i should have been the luckiest man in the world to have such loving people in my life. We got married in 2006 and my wife fell pregnant a short time after, i can remember how excited an happy we were screaming and shouting as we both couldn't wait to let our family know of the good news. Only a few months in to the pregnancy, i took a turn for the worse, i found jealousy and depression. Not realizing that then, but knowing this now, (you will know once you stop and look hard at yourself and rewind the brain)i became aargumentivewith my wife about everything and we would call each other names and tell each other how much we hated each other. I being the person i was believed that if my wife said she hated me, well she hated me and that was it. (But what she was trying to say was i hate the person that you have become). I never let that feeling go, i battled with those words for a long time, moody all the time snapping at my wife friends and family for no apparent reasons, i was having my own pregnancy i was letting the devil grow inside of me. With pride and the demon inside me i became my own worst enemy, all my wife did i turned it in to negatives, pushed all the blame to her to justify my actions. Things i did made me feel better, revengeful, strong, superior, and satisfied. These are the things i did: question who she was on the phone too, if she was happy i would nit pick at her till we had a fight, yell abuse to make her feel worthless, call her names, bring up the past, snoop at her private things, ignore her, put her down, accused her of flirting with men on the internet, question her new clothes, belittled her, lied, threaten, and im suI theres more.But wait, this is the best part, to me it was normal i accepted that this beautiful person that had a son to me would put up with it forever.Febuary Februaryas the wifes brwifeg point, wtih all her mite she got me out locked the door behind me, and my pride with my little demon still growing inside me laughed out loud cursing and swearing as i was picking up my clothes of the lawn.Months had passed and we made efforts for our son and i would spend weekends with them my wife trying to see if maybe she over reacted or i had done something to change my anger and jealousy, was it possible that we could live together with our son. No, of cause not i was still on my destruction path with my demon twin, and anything nice she suggested or tried i would turn it in to @#$!. my emotions took over, jealousy escaladed, depression, anger doubled, confusion, and my new friend called PAY BACK.With all that she tried and fix, i did nothing, nothing but revenge her for making live away from them, my thoughts of her being unfaithful, restricting me of her movements, thinking she was putting me down, plus a host of negatives i was playing through disturbed mind, got me nothing more then a bigger and deeper black hole.The point of no return, was a saturday in july 2008, i arrived angry, my wife seen the signs, but she tried to ignore it and was friendly to me. I took my son to the park for a while and then returned. her sister and friend called in and i started to feel different, we all went inside i steppped out side to have a smoke and when i walked in they were at my wifes computer laughing at some sought of dating sight, my anger turned in to rage, i went got in my car and parked thinking my wife was showing them men that she had met on the internet. i sent her a text asking to let mde know when they were gone then i would return. Ten minutes had passed and my anger was building then a text came through from my wife giving me the all clear. i walked in and said im taking my son to the shops for an hour, and she yelled at me and refused as she was concerned of my state saying i was to UNSTABLE.I lost control emotions got away on me i screamed crying at her ripping my wired framed sunglasses in my hands not realizing the sharp edges stabbing in my palms, she grabbbed my son ran outside and called the police to frieghtened what i would do next.i got in my car and drove away shouting abuse with the peddle flat to the floor not caring what was in my path.I was given a domestic violence order, but i didnt care, i will find another way to destroy her i thought. Good the brains now working overtime, get a lawyer, get a councilor, tell my family, i want everyone how unfair that bitch of a wife is, how could she, she is so unstable, she needs help, who does she think she is, ring the cops on me eh, ill get you i thought.The more i blamed her and made her look evil and friends and family took my side the more damaging i got. I made everyone believe how destrutive she is, doesnt want me near my son, i started to be angry at her sister, because she made my wife laugh, my jealousy my anger turned me into a madman.My wifes mother tried to give me some words of wisdom and support, but i would snarl and feel she was siding with the wife. I was invited to my wifes family occasions and i would refuse thinking i would be laughed and judged at, so i thought no not giving them the satisfaction.What is going on here, whats happening, everyone i love i want in my life, all the stuff we did together and used to enjoy doing, im killing it all off, im that angry i cant control my sadness, lonliness, rejection,cant smile,laugh, or even feel sexually aroused.Saturday night im flushed, mentally fatigued, my wifes away with her family interstate, ill send some nasty messages then ill go to sleep, haha i feel better now, as i push send message.Sunday morning im up early, and i feel different, emptiness, a little weak,reserved. im in the shower longer then usaul not thinking of nothing,as i had run out of ideas. i jump out of shower walk in my room and stand in the mirror, staring right in to my eyes, and notice a tear coming out the corner of my eye. i start to wipe and say to myself who are you, what are you doing, and one tear ended up being a fountain of tears, i sat in front off the mirror feeling so empty so lonley so tired weak volunerable, beat, worthless, ugly, the emotions feelings were endless, that was my turning point and i still didnt know.I felt so deperate, i had questions i needed to ask, i rang a helpline for men, and as soon as i got through to an operator i was overwhelmed by tears and choking on my breath and couldnt get any words out, the man on the other end was trying to calm me down and told me to take my time, there was no rush breath your doing the right thing, im here for you, i wont hang up and let you down, when your ready mate and feel like saying something say it, i want to know you. That was it a stranger that did not know me or my wife he couldnt take sides, i was silent for about 2 minutes, he said his name cant remember now and asked me mine, i choked a little and then sobbed please help me ive messed right up i dont know whats going on anymore, i have so much pain inside please help me. After a while we got talking with alot of my heart ache, and as it happened that Sunday afternoon i went to a mens council group and that was where i wanted to be listening to men with the same fears and problems, spoke 1 on 1 to a councilor, i finaly did something for myself, i felt different, happy, good, relaxed.Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:02:30 GMTalsmindhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic684-6-1.aspxBeing beautiful doesn’t mean happiness, whilst you’re chasing this perfection you’re so sure that soon you will be happy, finally you have transformed your exterior and your interior is still lost.In fact you wonder why now, with the appearance you have achieved, people are more interested in knowing you, if given the chance. You become not just another norm, but a popular. I wasn’t ever unpopular. But I wasn’t ever placed in such a highly respected position. By some. Although you are receiving such respect it disgusts you that it takes so much to attain this, yet I am still the same inside. Why was I not appreciated in the first instance, for just being a good person. I am still a good person, just a sadder good person. People who get given the title, “Bitch” may seem cold but they don’t get used and abused. Therefore they must be happier than I. I thought being attractive would stop the beatings, my theory it is harder to smack a cute puppy than its grown form. I still get beaten, in fact it is worse, in attempt to improve myself, and prove myself as worthy of being treated humanely. I have created insecurities, in the one person’s opinion I was hoping to change. And the fact is with all the extra attention based on your exterior, you find yourself feeling like a piece of meat. Attention based on the one thing I thought would make me happier, but it doesn’t. Funny thing is now at this point having achieved what I have I can’t let it slip. People’s perceptions cannot be altered now. More importantly, He is more judgemental now, although he may have always been, but I was happier so it worried me less. If you feel love you give love. If you feel hate, you close yourself from those who can hurt you. And only keep a piece of your heart open to those more vulnerable and in need of protection. Though you are sure soon the vulnerable may grow to be like them, learning that to take side of the controlling party is in their best interest. So you give and you wait. Happiness has a scale 1- 100. I can see that now, I have not been 100% in the last few yrs in fact I can’t remember when I was 100%. Not anymore, I used to remember the good times he and I had. My head has shut it all out now, in protection of my heart. Just hopelessness now. So what do I do? Anticipate change; wait for a bit, run now. I am always making excuses, wasting my life, potentially risking its end. And what of the vulnerable.No one should care; it is selfish to expect anyone other than myself to help. You can’t be helped if you won’t help yourself. I won’t. Sure I can make excuses as to what’s wrong with situation; his mental health, a moment in the past that changed it all or it’s just me (his excuse), although I know that it’s not. I am smart enough to know that. I am the victim, but victimising myself not out of need for attention, something is just not letting me out. Placing an excuse on the problem gives potential for solving it. The problem is NOW; the current situation is not healthy. Not healthy for anyone involved. Not healthy for bystanders even. It is my own fault that I am still in this situation and I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced by this. I hate having people feel sorry for me, I want to seem together not in need of support. I am good at making covers, I can accomplish a grade that people can envy, I can stay “pretty” so I must be loved. I can seem together, even if I am not. It’s so easy for people judge, if they knew, instantly they would think I am stupid for staying where I am, so much easier to say than to do. I always saw these types of situations on the TV, and I couldn’t understand why they always went back. In this position you only befriend those who won’t judge and who relate. Although I am alone, my closet friends can’t and won’t really ever understand me and my situation. I have started to fight back, punch for punch. I am hoping he will see me agro and think it odd, correcting his own behaviour. That and if I am going to get hit I may as well deserve it. So far I feel better, but still sad. I have seen fear in his eyes. That pleases me. But the fighting continues. As partners you are meant to work together, be friends, best friends. My girl friends would never treat me in such a manner. How did it get to this? Surely we liked each other in the beginning? Perhaps it’s Love that keeps us in this place or fear of the unknown, or fear of being alone. Being alone doesn’t leave me bruised and battered though.Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:15:41 GMTmally khttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic482-6-1.aspxI recently met the perfect man through some friends but he's just divorced after his wife left him for a close mate. Hence, he's very, very damaged emotionally. We spent about a week together and it was just perfect - exactly what both of us needed. We both acknowledged that we wanted a relationship together and began to discuss how we could slowly introduce the idea of us to his daughter who spends every second week with him. However, as quickly as it began he 'pulled the pin' on everything, apologising profusely for hurting me by doing so. He was very complimentary and confessed that he 'thought he was ready but he's not'. I accept this - I know he's been honest with me. The problem is, I am devastated. I was very ready and really do feel that he was 'right' for me and I for him. It's been three months since and we've had some contact over emails only (i can't bring myself to phone) and the contact is generally of a non-personal or trivial type. All contact is initiated by me. If I say anything complimentary or kind he does not reply. Advice I've had is to keep in touch as a friend but allow him his space to grieve etc. and when he's ready he might let me know. At the time, he said he expected I'd have 'moved on' by the time he was ready but I don't meet that many men I feel strongly for (usually meet about one every two-three years) so I'm not sure I will have. I'm happy to be friends but must admit to myself that I would really like something more. I really need a man's perspective on this because it's not an experience I've ever dealt with before and neither have any of my friends. Are there any men out there that can clarify what is the best thing for me to do? - I haven't 'harrassed' him, have most definitely given him his space etc and will continue to but I am wondering if I should bother to continue staying in touch now and then or disappear completely for a while. I'd really like a few blokes to give me their experienced advice on this.Sat, 24 May 2008 14:35:19 GMTbthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic349-6-1.aspxHi all, I feel quite desperate at the moment and would like to hear people's views.My Dad's health (both pyhsical and metal) is declining, he suffered multiple mini strokes, and now at the age 60 is in complete denial about whats happening to him. From being a fit, active man three years ago, he now cannot walk without an aid. His condition has given a blow to his outlook on life and does not wish to discuss how he is feeling with anyone, not my Mum or any other member of the family and most importantly his treating Doctor. He has lost his independence, recently he did not qualify for a license and so can no longer drive. He does not have regular contact with male friends and would rather stay at home instead of catching a taxi or bus to go out. Although he is restricted physically with his walking capabilities, it's his metal health that we are most conerned about. He is very emotional, at the sight of any of his children, tears swell up, even watching the tv he can get choked up. We are all very supportive when he does get emotional. The hard thing is getting him to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. As mentioned above he is in denial that he has had mini strokes and sees no need to see the Doctor. He blames Mum for calling the ambulance when he had the stroke and having to stay in hospital for a week. He also blames her for not having a license. I understand that he is very frustrated inside but it is becoming unbearable that he does not accept any help. I also worry for my Mum's well-being, she loves my Dad very much but I really get worried that if my Dad doesn't take action on his health and improve his condition, he will deteriorate and drag Mum down with him. My Husband has tried talking to him, and so have my Uncles, he just doesn't recognise that anything has happened to him. He can be very cranky and can snap at anything, even complete stangers. What is also difficult is when he was in the hospital he was not honest to the Doctor and continues to be this way to his GP. He will tell them that he only has a sore knee and that it is getting better. What on earth can we do to make him realise that we are not out to ridicule him of his condition but are there to support him and enjoy his company for the coming years. I feel fed up, but would never let my Dad know that. What can I do?....Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:43:20 GMTConcerned Daughterhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic45-6-1.aspxThis forum is looking a little lonely so i guess I will get the ball rolling....Firstly a little bit about myself, i am a married stay at home mother of two children. My husband and I have our own business and he works incredibly long hours and this is where our problems stem from so here goes the essay. (BTW im so happy i stumbled upon this forum, now i can get a man's perspective instead of the ones epsoused by women's magazines.)Basically my husband works WAY too many hours. He flatly refuses to take days off. Even if he only worked 4 days a week we would not starve and we would still have a roof over our heads. His excuse is that if he does not work then we dont make as much money but he hardly sees the kids and he hardly sees me. Our r/ship is suffering though he will not admit to this. We have many problems. Firstly, our sex life has not just taken a back seat, it has been literally thrown out the window. He is always too tired. And when he isnt tired he just is not in the mood. Ever. I know he works very hard for us but excuse me if i sound like a selfish b**** but i am SOOOOO FRUSTRATED!! I snap at my children a lot and i am very irritable. I feel like im being starved. Along with the lack of sex is the general lack of affection and intimacy. I always try and give him cuddles and kisses and he just shrugs me off. he does not see this as a problem. I have tried talking to him about it and all he can say is that he is tired so deal with it. when we do have sex - i know this is really horrible and im not proud it one bit - i have to harass him from dinnertime onwards so that he knows that i want it. Most of the times he will tell me he is too tired and i just accept it. Other times he gives in even though i know his heart isnt in it.Secondly, trying to talk to him about anything personal is very hard because he just will not open up. He is always clammed up and it upsets me a lot as I have a lot on my mind and a lot of things i wish to say to him and wish to discuss but again he shrugs me off. It seems to me like he is perfectly ok not being intimate very often but it is not ok with me. It was never like this at the start. Surprisingly there isnt much tension between us probably because we do get along so well, we really are best friends and i do my best to keep my emotions in check around him. Unfortunately its my children who suffer. also i must add that everything is done for him and he never has to lift a finger. At first i hated doing EVERYTHING housework wise but i must admit he is a lot happier not being asked to do anything. As for the children he is rarely asked to help out with them as well and again he likes it this way.Thirdly, because of all the above, im scared im going to stray. What i would like to know is what is the right way to go about talking to him in a non-threatening manner with the goal being for him to open uo about our sex life, lack of intimacy, asking him to work less and so on. Of course i would have to taclke one problem at a time. And if he doesnt want sex, what the hell can i do about it??? What can he do about it? As i said before it was never like this at the start though we have always had mismatched libidos. Who do u see for sex problems??Any bit of advice would be a great help. Thanks for listening. SassWed, 30 May 2007 15:00:18 GMTsass