InstantForum.NET v4.1.4Mensline Australia Discussion Forumhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/forum@menslineaus.org.auFri, 12 Mar 2010 10:55:44 GMT20http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1341-5-1.aspxHi guys,I have been in relationship for 4 years and now been engaged for 6 months with the wedding in 10 months. My partner has a beautiful heart and we are best friends but she is an angry person too. Her parents are both bitter people who have anger issues and she has got it from living in that environment. I am a very laid back and patient person so even the anger was an issue in our relationship (a lot of one sided arguments with her yelling and me sitting there either not talking or in shock with the abusive words like im pathetic or fat or loser) then afterwards she would apoligise and we would move on. However over time she would get more angry and also do stuff in public that most people would deem inapropriate (yelling at me in front of people, or making negative comments to me in front of other, which deeply embarrased me) and I would never retaliate for fear of an arguement in front of people, which resulted in my mates and people in my life thinking I was whipped. which I HATE!anyway so time goes on, she gets better for periods then worse, like a roller coaster, and now our arguements are so instense that she hits me, im talking like she hits me with so much anger that it hurts and I will never hit back so I just sit there and take it and wait for to calm down. this has happend about 10 times now and ive fed up. I love her but I dont know what to do, the hitting must stop, the yelling and the anger and I dont deserve it. IM not perfect but I certainly dont start our arguements, im a nice guy and im thinking of walking away. shes too strong for me and I always get the blame for everything. Even when I open up and tell her that ive had enough and she has to deal with her problems, she will then blame me for it and never take responsibility.what do I do? I want to help her and make it work or am I just fighting a losing battle??Thu, 11 Feb 2010 11:24:23 GMTniceguysdontwinhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic812-5-1.aspxHi,Can anyone suggest a good anger management coarseMy temper is going to destroy my marriage.I used to be a real happy go lucky kid of guy, now I just have a vial temper.Really DesperateBased in WollongongFri, 07 Nov 2008 18:24:05 GMTGrantKBrownhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1343-5-1.aspxI have always had a hot temper. It's not something I am proud of, and recently it's become a real problem.I am never violent towards anyone, however when worked up may hit or kick inanimate objects. Last night I was very angry (at myself) I kicked a steel bollard, in the process breaking my foot.My Fiance (we are due to get married later this year) is understandably quite upset with me, especially given that we now have had to outlay more than $200 for medical expanses for my foot, due to my anger. It is even to the point that she is scared of me when I'm angry. Never have I threatened her, hit her, or anything like that, I can see how she may think it. This is not the man I want to be, and my username represents how I am feeling right now. I want to beat this, and be the partner that my beloved deserves, but I dont know how to start.Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:02:04 GMTSmallManhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1340-5-1.aspxNeed some advice on were to start re-building trust with my wife.I cheated on my wife awhile ago while i was working in a different state and in that time we had some trouble with family and living apart didn't help i fell into a bit of a dark place for awhile and during that time i slept with another women once, it has come out between me and my wife now and i do love my wife and daughter very much.I am looking for abit of help and advice on were and who to see on re-building the trust and respect i once had from my wife.Wed, 10 Feb 2010 14:50:47 GMTeric78http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1325-5-1.aspxWe have been living apart for about 8 mths i was a cold person to her i have some health scears and was bad with anxiety so was my wife we have a 3yr old have been together for 6 yrs it is my second marriage ,The other week she ended it after trying to get me to change and show her i love her but i was a prick cold to her for yrs now i have been kicked in a place that made me feel and look at what i have done it was wrong i am in the first stages of getting help i am a loving person again i have changed but she will not let me in she has just built her self up with the the help of neighbors and has pushed me away now she dont need me. I LOVE HER she says he can only be friends for now I hang for her to txt me back or ring we go out in the day like a family no probs but she will not go any ferther with it and she has had some in the 2 weeks she has dumped me ...Her mother even told me she seeing bloke she says she free but would not say she didnt do it with him she must have had him while she was with me the sex was good but never happened much i gave her a rose the other day she opened up now she at bbq across rd and she is cold to me again as she dont need me.she was sick a couples days ago and wanted me to ring her it is ripping me apart as we live 1 k away from each other,,ANY HELP PLEASE..She want s2 be my friend i dont have people around me to help me I work as a security guard...Sat, 16 Jan 2010 23:13:48 GMTKENNETHhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1336-5-1.aspxMy wife of 23 years (partner for 30) has told me she no longer loves me as her husband and that our marriage is over. We are still living in the same house, but have not slept together for 10 weeks. She has told me that she cannot go on and that she does not want to seek counselling. We are giving it another 6 months at this arrangement to see if she changes her mind. She has told me that she probably won't. I'm devestated, i knew we had problems in our marriage but i didn't think she would be so stubborn about wanting to end it. I will do anyhing to save our marriage as i still love her deeply, unfortunately i think that i haven't shown this for a long time. We have 2 young kids 13 & 11 and as my wife has worked a lot of night shift over the past 7 -8 years i have spent a lot of time with them. I do not want to be the weekend father it seems i am destined to be & i still want to keep my family together, however my wife is non negotiable in her decision, she says we could "live like freinds" but i can't stand the thought of living with her if i can't have her. There has been no infidelity on either side & i can't imagine myself with anyone else. I fell so alone empty & hollow. i have expressed my feelings to her in a number of letters, but she doesn't respond. I feel like i have nothing in life, i'm going to lose the person I love, my kids & my house, i will left with about $200,000 and some furniture for 30 years of effort.Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:41:36 GMTgms308http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1248-5-1.aspxDoes anyone know what to do when the social worker that does the family report takes in the truth and turns it out in the form of a report that has no resemblance to the truth, what to do when they twist the truth, lie and when thats not enough just fabricate. What can be done, anyone have any experience with this??Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:38:04 GMTkenmichhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1034-5-1.aspxHi All,long story short,(not a divorce story) i fell in love with a woman who i was friends with for a long time. she recently got herself a boyfriend and then cut me out of her life. i felt rejected naturally and i went for some counseling to help, at said girls advice(she had seen this person herself). counseler told me to tell said woman my feelings, which made matters worse! she started making up lies as to why she didn't want to do things or see me. i decided to end the friendship and told her so, although waking her up at 8:30 am when she was sleeping with her new bloke probably wasn't the best idea! but as far as i was concerned it was done and over with.today i get an email telling me not to see her, her parents or to be anywhere near them, and to top it off, she said that her if her mothers heart condition got worse from stress(she has had a previous heart attack) id be the sole blame. she also threatened hitting me with an intervention notice if i saw any of them.WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:41:12 GMTdaniel74http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1333-5-1.aspxThere is no justice out there. My daughter has been taken out of school without my consent. Her mother (my ex) has not even seen the school about it she just sent them an email and not discussed it with me!She sends an email to the school right at the last minute, claiming she has "personal reasons" for removing her from the school. She falsely claims that she and I agreed to me paying half the fees. I've attempted to get her back to mediation to discuss what she wants, over the last 18 months, but she's declined at every opportunity, claiming they are incompetent!This is also not the second time she's done this, I was extorted with emotional blackmail last year, when she sent a similar letter to the school. The worst thing is, while Im cut up about it, What about my poor daughter? How does she feel? She calls me incompetent for not paying her school fees When I don't even get an opportunity to! I visited her teacher today and he mentioned there was a lot of absences last year.. I only see my daughter every 2nd weekend. My solicitor has given me a quote for between $20K and $50K to sort this out in court, but it will likely take 12 months. No wonder some people resort to taking the law into their own hands. Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:46:10 GMTSteadfasthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1330-5-1.aspxAttention Blokes - Have you ever been cheated on? Is it different for a man to be cheated on than a woman? And why do men cheat anyway? Are we really designed to be with one partner for life?Insight on SBS TV is looking at Infidelity and we'd love to hear from you. Tell us your stories. Email ronans@sbs.com.au or call him on 02 9430 3688. http:www.sbs.com.au/insightThu, 21 Jan 2010 18:19:47 GMTsbsinsighthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1328-5-1.aspxHello this is my first ever post, this is my story:I had a date with someone I thought I would never see again almost 5 years ago. She became pregnant and gave birth to my son. I stayed and helped for 6 months and then left. We didn't live together but I did as much as possible to help.I should have seen it through but I felt hopeless at the time, it wasn't my plan to stay with this woman, let alone have her become the mother of my child. We didn't get along like a house on fire, she wasn't really my type I suppose. But looking back that was a selfish way to look at it. He should have been the only reason for me to stay. It was wrong to leave and I regret it. I should have stayed because he needed me, he needed his father. I wish I was more mature at the time and been able to compromise my selfish attitude to be a good dad. I want to be a part of his life now. He is my flesh and blood, I want to love him and take care of him. I want to make up for what I have done. I have not had any contact with his mother since then. Does anyone have any advice on how to re-enter his life? How do I make first contact? How do I prove I am a worthy person after abandoning him/them for so long? I am embarassed, ashamed and not sure of how to explain I can be a wonderful father to him. Will she want me in his life? Do I have rights? Where do I begin, I feel lost...Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:32:29 GMTsimon1967http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1327-5-1.aspxHi,I'm a journalist working on the Insight program on SBS TV.http://www.sbs.com.au/insightWe're planning a program called STAND BY YOUR MAN, looking at our attitudes around infidelity and monogamy.Insight wants to talk about what makes some people stay with their partner after they've been cheated on, and why others leave.A 2008 survey of 15,000 Australian women found that 1 in 4 women knows or suspects their partner is cheating on them. Sixty per cent were prepared to forgive their husband’s infidelity. Fifteen per cent had cheated themselves. Despite our cheating ways, marriage and monogamy are still what most of us want.But are we designed to stay with one partner for life, or is that an unrealistic ideal?Insight would like to hear from anyone who's experienced infidelity in a relationship, whether you worked it out or not, whether you were the one cheating or not.We will be bringing together people from all walks of life to talk about how they dealt with infidelity. Email ronans@sbs.com.au Thanks, Ronan SharkeyMon, 18 Jan 2010 12:29:13 GMTsbsinsighthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1315-5-1.aspxbeen drinking and drugs since teen years. done a lot of bad @#$! back then which haunts me, im now 46 have a2 brilliant teenage sons who i love so much and thier mother , shes the best, however much i try i cant stop my drinking, i had a heart attack 3 days before xmass and i just finding it really difficult to stop. she has kicked me out today i dont blame her, im just sick of hurting her and my boys. all advice will be appreciated, cheersTue, 12 Jan 2010 21:17:16 GMTtracehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1323-5-1.aspxI once heard the nuclear family described as a hothouse - a boiler ready to explode - as many dowhile there are many happy nuclear familiesI do not think the picture perfect ones are the norm.It seems to be the nuclear family thrives within the extended family or a community Its worth getting to know our aunts, uncles, cousins, our parents cousins and their kids - our second cousins.the wider we go the more we find those who understand us and those with solutions to problems we face.ew may be different to our father, mother, brothers or sisters but I have found as I spend time with my cousins I am freed from accusations of having "strange" attributesas Many are inherited and show up in my cousins but not my siblings.Sat, 16 Jan 2010 02:32:43 GMTnthnhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1247-5-1.aspxI have lost my wife my kids and they are not coming back. I now am about to lose everything I have worked for for the last ten years. I have nightmares every night. I feel as though I have used everything possible to feel better but nothing works.HELP HELP HELP. There is nothing left in my life. I feel useless, unwanted, lonely, depressed and every other bad feeling there is. Ive tried councilling, the doctor, family members etc. I have tried everything and this is my last ditch effort although I feel will be futile aswell. Please if anyone has advise to take the pain away please help Im desperate.Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:10:10 GMTlost & alonehttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1266-5-1.aspxI understand child sexual assaults against boys is more common than recognized by societyresources are limited but in some states improvingI thought I'd test the watersI was in denial for yearsmy fears and shame supressesuppressedureshaving broken the shame and pain barriers after two decades I thought a poll might demonstrate this is a real issue and it might release some survivors to make an initial disclosureSat, 07 Nov 2009 01:53:11 GMTnthnhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1133-5-1.aspxHi all,I am have been married for 22 years, having married my first love. I have two young adults - a son at 16 and daughter at 18.Just a week ago, I was caught by my wife masturbating in the bathroom at my home. I had been masturbating for a while - secretly. My wife knows I do this when I am interstate on business trips, but expected me to relieve her when I was at home. But I had a problem, being that, I was finding it hard to be intimate with my wife, and was scared of rejection, so masturbated to relieve myself. Anyway, on the day I got caught, my wife was furious, asked if I was gay, and asked me to move out. I apologised, and agreed that I had a problem and would seek some help. I asked if she would be interested in doing couples counseling, and she said that I had the problem and should be doing it on my own. So I have started some counseling through Relationships Australia, and have had one session. For the last week, I have been sleeping on a spare bed in the lounge, waiting for everyone to go to bed and waking up early, so I could pack it all away. After my session last week and a couple of days after, I asked my wife if she wanted a divorce, and was advised yesterday, that no, she does not want a divorce, but thought it would better that I gave her some space, and moved out for a short term, so that she could come to terms with my actions. So yesterday, after much discussion and agreement, church and a family outing, I moved to my Mum's place. My mother was very understanding, but did not want to take sides. Before I left, my wife and I, sat down with our kids and told them the news. The kids were devastated, but we reassured them, that we both needed some space to work things out, and my moving out was only for a short term. I said I would still to come to special events etc, and would stay in contact.My next Session is later this week, but I would like some feedback that would help me get back on track. I need to overcome my fear if intimacy and rebuild the trust I have lost.Mon, 15 Jun 2009 10:27:32 GMTm73rocknrollerhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1283-5-1.aspxI am a journalist writing a series for a well-regarded publication printing in both NSW and Vic. I am seeking to get in touch with men willing to tell their stories of anger management issues, sex (seeking men who enjoy a lot of sex with different partners), and those whose tendency toward laziness and procrastination has an impact on their lives.Subjects need to be willing to be named and photographed.Anyone who wants to hear more can please email me at sarinalewisfreelance@yahoo.com.au.Thank youTue, 24 Nov 2009 10:09:15 GMTjournalisthttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1239-5-1.aspxI would like to submit that marriage is a legally binding contract. Thus the law should make provisions for one partner to sue if they have sufficient grounds that the other broke the contract. This would get people to take it seriously and desist from trivialising marriage and hurting others in the process. I know some countries where the offending party and conspirators are taken to task before the law in suits against breach of contract and the cases have been successfully prosecuted. What do you think fellas (and any ladies out there)?Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:58:33 GMTDitchedin2009http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1259-5-1.aspxhi all,I am wondering if any of you (male/female) can help me with some advice on courting. In June this year I had a relationship stumble with my wife of 23 years. I sort some counseling, which helped a little, and now are trying to rebuild my relationship with her by reconnecting. She had thought that I like to try to recourt her again, like I had done before we got married. I think that I have forgotten how to do this, and am not sure what to do - has anyone any ideas?Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:46:54 GMTm73rocknrollerhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1260-5-1.aspxMy relationship with my wife has gone totally sour for many reasons and I am going to initiate a separation. We have a 4.5 yr old child.Once I raise the topic, she will probably pack her bags and storm out of the house taking our child with her.1. Can I stop her from taking the child out of the house ?2. As she's from overseas originally (and a PR), she will most likely head straight to the airport and take a flight home. Can I stop her from taking my child out of the country by calling the police or airport customs ? 3. Can she chase me out of the house if I don't want to leave ?4. I have read of cases of false DVO being used as a weapon here. My wife has slapped me twice (while I am carrying my child!) and I have never laid a hand on her. Should I be lodging a DVO immediately an a pre-emptive measure to protect myself ? I wouldn't put lodging a false DVO past my wife who can be quite scornfulThanks for the advice !Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:43:10 GMTfirsttimerhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1286-5-1.aspxHiAs many before me this is my first post!!My StoryI am 51 years old with two children, a boy 12 and a girl 7. My story starts about two years ago when I was given a knock back in bed and asked as to when this may be possible, to which the answer was more likely never. I than confronted this issue later that week to only be told that the marriage was over. Of course I had no indication this was coming at all. I was told that she just doesn't have feelings for me anymore. The conversation then became a cloudy mess for me as I felt the rug was out from under me. I was told there was no other man. She went to bed and left me to all the things that run through your mind when this happens.The next major discussion was about the kids and moving forward from this! This is the cut throat way my wife deals with the world. I was told I would get to see the the kids every second week-end. I told her this was no good as it would mean I'd see my kids only 2 out of 14 days for the next 5 to 10 years.I started reading this site to help sort my anger and frustration. Our next conversation where i informed her of my seeking advice lead her cut me a deal where we stay together for the kids until they leave school. I thought this was great because it would give me the chance to try and rekindle our marriage and remind her of all the reasons we got married in the first place but two years down the track the marriage has got to the stage where I flipped out the other day and said it just can't go on this way. The problem is, I still adore my wife with all my heart even though it is broken up every day as the thought of seeing her and the kids one day with someone else is shattering.A few things about us..... She is 12 years younger and we have been together for 15-16 years. She quit work to have the kids and has only just gone back to work last year. During that time i have worked two jobs to keep us afloat and like many have found set back after set back over the years where we are now renting and struggling to get by. She will not see councilling as she says this will not help in any way. I am now starting to wonder if she has found a better prospect and would prefer to move on to that as soon as she can.I know money would have helped our cause over the years as both younger sisters have successful husbands and her father is a bank mangager, but you can only use the cards you are dealt.Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:24:59 GMTazzaghttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1104-5-1.aspxI feel, that men, that are unable to fund a private Solicitor or Barrister in Family Law, Childrens Court, and related matters, and are left with Legal Aid assistance only, are at an insurmountable disadvantage due to the money involved. (Attorneys tend to put effort according to the cost involved). EG. Unlimited -v- Minimal.Mon, 11 May 2009 17:44:51 GMTbuckohttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1220-5-1.aspxI recently separated from my wife of 20 years. We have 2 sons aged 16 and 19.We worked out our arrangement amicably and had consent orders approved by the courts.I paid her a cash settlement and took out a large mortgage to do so.We agreed that I would care for the 19 yo who is studying full time and that she would care for the 16yo.I also agreed that I would assist with school fees, clothes etc for the younger son as costs arose. My wife has since sought Centreline assistance for family support payments and they have today advised her that she must attempt to seek child support from me and agreed that they would conduct a Child support assessment on me.I have paid her out, I have a mortgage up to my eyeballs and Im looking after our 19 year old.Can anybody with experience tell me what this means for me.Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:11:57 GMTdadicool59http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1299-5-1.aspxmy name is Brenton, and i think its safe to say that i'm in trouble..i have been courting my fiance for the last three and a half years, earlier this year we became an item, and about seven months ago we got engaged... that was one of the happiest moments of my life, i am truly in love with my fiance.. she is my princess..without being able to pinpoint yet the exact start or cause, shortly before we were engaged i started to experience depression, which gradually got worse... after a while i went to a doctor who told me that i indeed showed symptoms of what was developing into severe depression and that i should strongly consider medication.. i chose not to go on medication, a few of the reasons being that i had recently seen my fiance recover from depression without medication, and also my own belief and faith that with god i could overcome the depression.as it got worse i would spend less time in conversation with my fiance, i had stopped encouraging her, and even started saying mean things, and trying to make her feel bad (i have no idea why) i became mean and sarcastic, far from being myself, i used to dote on her, and treat her like a princess, but no longer.. to make it worse with the influence of certain friends i was speaking in a vulgar way and just generally ignoring her emotional and spiritual needs..worst of all, when we fought, we got angry, and i started to become violent, mind you, not what you would call extremely violent, but there is no excuse for any violent behavior.i would grab her firmly, i would cover her mouth, sometimes quite firmly, i would grab her wrists, or arms, and even on occasion slap her on the arm or cheek, not repeatedly, but once maybe twice... afterwards i would always feel deep remorse, it would break my heart to realize i had upset and hurt her... i don't know how to explain it.. i knew what was happening, but i didn't, i didn't feel like i was abusing her, i didnt think it was serious, i thought to myself, i can stop this... id tell her, dont worry babe, i'll never do that again.. but it kept happening...almost two months ago, i woke up to a text message telling me that she was going away for a while, and that we both needed to think, and work ourselves out... to realize it wasn't a game... she hadnt left yet, and i talked her into staying...(i should have mentioned earlier that since we got engaged we have lived in a house with her mother and 2 brothers while we save for a wedding.)this was a turning point for me, i realized the seriousness of the situation, and what i had become... i needed help... i called the domestic violence hotline and the lady was mean to me.. and i got upset.. for the next two weeks things were getting better... we had not had a bad fight for a while, and i had not hurt her physically for about a month.. then she went away for two weeks to a holiday chaplaincy program (here in Australia when students finish high school there is a massive two week celebration on the gold coast, she was involved in a large team of hotel chaplains who keep the kids safe while they are partying) anyway, while she was there she talked to some friends (new and old) and told them of our situation, and through their encouragement and advice decided that she needed to break off our engagement and indeed out romantic relationship for good.. alot of encouragement came from a new friend who had just broken off his engagement after his fiance fell away from god and church and started partying and taking drugs...we both prayed and thought about it.. we know we could make it work, and felt god was telling her it was her choice to make... she wanted to stay best friends, and for me to stay living here with her family, because we truly are best friends.. plus we are in the process of starting a photography business together that we will still do.. but she said we just cant be together...once she got back we talked about it.. and from all our conversations i know she still loves me, and that her feelings haven't gone away, but that the main issue is she doesn't feel she can ever let me in a again and give me the chance to hurt her... we both know that i can overcome and that god can heal,.... but she is scared about my genuineness and giving me a chance to hurt her...i am seeking counseling, i am making myself accountable to friends and my pastor.. i am going to the doctor to seek advice on medication... i just don't know what else to do...is our relationship too far gone... is there any chance of restoration?i love her with all of my heart, she is my best friend and my one true love... i would do anything to restore my relationship with her... i just don't know how... i want to show her that that wasn't me... that i will take every measure so i don't fall into depression again... i want to be a man, i want to show her my heart and that can be the man she needs...thank you for listening...God BlessThu, 10 Dec 2009 07:54:09 GMTbrentonhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1297-5-1.aspxHi Again,I had one reply from my first post here "AT ROCK BOTTOM", thanks, but i was hoping for more, replies from men that were perhaps going through similar problems in life to me and what their possible solutions that has helped them.I had plenty of views on my first post, thats fine, so now is there anyone out there who has the courage to give me some advice on this forum.What is it these days, its like you hear of people walking past someone injured or helpless on the street and not helping, cause they couldn't be bothered, you hear that often in the news, or not wanting to help out a starving homeless person.I am severley depressed, i went to the doctor, he gives me the medication, says it will start to work in a month or so, but with side affects !!, refers me to counselling , well the counselling services in my area are booked out till well after xmas i have found yesterday. So what am i to do now, i had the false immpression that support was really out there, i hope i am wrong by this posting this message.I have helped many people over the years, parents, family, friends and people i didn't know in so many ways through tough times, here i am just asking for some feedback, some communication from men, i cant find any other options right now, i have lost everything, from having a mortgage, job, money, now owing money, then also finding out last night my new partner of 18 mths cannot deal with it (me), as she has many of her own issues from a messy separation, my outlook is very bad now,worse than 2 days ago, i might be on the street at 53 yrs old if i cannot find advice.So does anyone know of any Mens support groups in Melb's east that i could go to ?.I am so close to my worst,cannot eat,cannot sleep, thinking the end is near etc,Any feedback would be good Thank You.Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:01:14 GMTgoo1http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1290-5-1.aspx:) This time of year is one of the hardest times for me and I am guessing many other single men living alone..;) Every year is the same and it starts a month before the holidays.. I feel the loneliest at this time of the year.. Everyone else has someone to be with, My children are all independent now and have there own lives and friends. All the men I know are doing stuff with there families or friends and for another year I am not invited anywhere. Why ?I'm a normal man, I'm not over weight, I don't swear or drink to get drunk, I always treat others with respect and I see others as equal.. I'm not into football, politics, or motor sports. I am quiet in unfamiliar surroundings but I like a good conversation. I'm not a religious fanatic and i'm not into violence, I'm a normal Aussie bloke so why don't I have friends ? Am I alone with thisThu, 03 Dec 2009 11:22:09 GMTNormalhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1294-5-1.aspxIts taken me a year to get here, a year of misery, now i am at the bottom of Depression.At 53, with a divorce from 2 years ago, as my wife left due to an affair she had, no children cause my wife had cancer years ago.So at the time, i quit my Job, and the house was sold and money was split 50/50.Then finding out through a solicitors audit of our finances prior to the split, that my wife had been tranferring funds to her mother for years, also a big part of a small inheritance that i received from my parents passing. As you would guess, i left the Banking to her, Trustingly !i sent her a nasty email, only to find the Police on my doorstep, and then being charged and convicted for sending a email with foul language alone, There was no threats and i had not seen here from the day i left. I just pointed out in colurfull language what sort of persn she is.Anyway i rented a unit and took 4 months off work, due to grief and depression, i had worked 6 days a week for the passed 13 years previously, supporting my wife through 7 separate bouts of cancer.To cut it short, i lost all my money in the Finance crash due to an online business i started, then my car was repossed, credit cards stopped, and now i am debt for 30K, I have found a new partner, however i now owe money to her now as well,not much though , as she pays most bills etc.I have been looking for work, but now it seems unobtainable, now having a criminal record which is totally unbelievable and unjust. i Was a strong person i thought, had a great work ethic and history, kind and loving , but now i am useless, i cannot seem to think properly at most times ,every day is full of nervousness, anxious feelings, fear, and many other horrible feelings, i have thought of the worst many times, just ending it.I cant stand the creditors ring at least 3-5 times a day, and now i cannot open any mail by fear alone, in 18mths i have lost 22Kg and looking frail , i just dont want to eat anymore , and just want to sleep.I also feel useless being in a relationship,my partner is fantastic, but now i dont fell good enough for here, and at 53 now i have no money and actually owe money, together with no job and prospects, i dont see any light at the end of the tunnel for me. I need help, i dont know what can be done, i have read books etc, i just dont know anymoreMon, 07 Dec 2009 13:30:42 GMTgoo1http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1141-5-1.aspxHello, my wife is having trouble faling pregnant. we have been to specialists and found that she isn't ovulating. my question is there any guys in my position that want kids but can't and how do they deal with that as I go through fases of depression. Cause I am the only one in my family out of brothers and sister to have no kids.I do have a low sperm count but the doctors say that it is ok.does anyone have tips.Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:29:55 GMTBushmanhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1292-5-1.aspxThis is another system that is failing miserably.Here is my story. In July 2001 i ment a lovly girl from the philippines my wife now of eight years in january 2010.From the time we ment we never kept any secerets from each other. From her being molseted as a child by a cousion to she can not have children and that she may be illeagal. Which she was. Just after we got married in 2002 i lost my job it took me more then a year to get a new job and get us back into a even keel. Then over the years we kept trying to fix My wife Visa but we were not aloud to fix it in australia. But due to money issues in aus. And my wife family at the time did not approve of our marriage my wife could not return to the philippines to fix the Visa as she had no were to go. Then last year my darling wife had a major break down and wanted to commit sucide due to how situation. This was so had on me that day even to now i get upset thinking back. So this year my wife and i put how foot down to fix her visa even knowing money wise we could not afford to. My wife returned to the Philippines in September this year and to do the visa. From day one she had problems. we were orginally told before she left that it would take 6 to 8 weeks till she was back here in asutralia but due to problems with her CO it is now 11 weeks and we have been told by her Co that it would be at least another 2 weeks before we know any thing. Hell we have now been in a relationship now all most 9 years. And they view my wife and i as criminal basically. I know now i am starting to slip down into depression I no longer sleep much at night as i am stressed about not having her home with me, how long it has been for her to get her visa and not knowing when our if she will be able to come home. Worried about money due to my work roster i am finding it hard to get extra work. And other things are starting to get me down more and more. Then you see how the damn Govenment have just hands out visas a home and other things to these boat people whio have nothing. But when it comes to Australians Married to people from overseas that make it harder. Good it is time they real look at how they treat people who are married and look at their situation hell we have been married eight years in a relationship nine years my wife and i want have plans for the rest of our lives together and the Australian govenment are keeping us apart for we dont know for how long. The people from the govenment and Dima needs to start learning compasion and help those who have been togther for a long time like myself and my wife.Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:01:26 GMTwyvern2601http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1223-5-1.aspxHey,as the title suggests, where to now?? This is my piss poor effort at an intro / WTF am I sposed to due kinda thread...Not sure with what exactly what to write I guess I'll start with the basics.29 - Married to a very very patient fantastic woman and 2 beautiful children who are simply 2 angels sent from above, they to put it simply are the reason I live, bless them all.I guess your thinking, so what's your problem...? As strange as it sounds I'm thinking the exact same thing, problem is I think about it every chance I get. Currently working 2 jobs as the mrs lost her job last year when her employer shut up shop, then she fell pregnant with our second child so finding a job was difficult for her to say the least.Keeping afloat is ridiculously hard, seems all I do is work to pay Bills etc, anything else is a luxury it's just so damn hard. What's more frustrating is the minute I start to get my head above water a big freakin wave comes crashing down...Because of this, I can't help but feel like an utter failure, I sometimes wish my childhood was crap, what I mean is that my parent's were such awesome providers I actually in some weird arse way almost resent them for it cause I feel like their big shoes to fill... I wasn't spoilt believe me, but looking back on my childhood I can honestly say I always felt so safe and secure, for some reason I feel that my kids won't have that same luxory and it kills me...Working so much (Mon to Fri 8 hours + Mon - Tues - Thurs Night & Sat day) I feel like I'm becoming detached to them but on the other hand if I don't do these hours, we won't eat...I hate this feeling, I’m usually positive and can’t stand wallowing in self pity cause It just isn’t me seriously, but I can’t help but feel I can’t shake it, I hate feeling like this but I can’t stop, I feel angry, tired, frustrated, overworked, tired, helpless, everything I despise in people I’m becoming…Thing is I know I gotta do what I have to, for the sake of my wife & kids I gotta keep pushing, but I’m seriously losing the motivation and it scares me, work bores me and it scares me, sometimes driving home I feel like just going straight to where ever the road takes me (or run out of fuel) and what ever happens happens.I just don’t know what to do anymore, my wife is a lovely woman, but deep down I feel she’s just putting on a brave face, I wish I could give her the world and it kills me that I can’t and that she deserves heaps better and should be with someone else, I look into my kids eyes and feel I’m just not good enough as a father, hardly talk to my mates anymore just cause I feel like I don’t fit in anymore, same goes with my family. I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out…Sorry for the long rant, I just feel helpless and am really starting to feel like I’m losing my identity, I’m losing myself and want the old me back but just dunno where to start…Thanks for reading.Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:40:04 GMTJB7http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1246-5-1.aspxG,day,Just to qualify myself, i am 50 been married 27 years two teenage boys.To me it has so far been a good solid marriage, you know! the typical little spats & ups & downs we all experience but we seem to work them out.I should add that i have been unemployed for near 3 months(redundancy due to economic climate yeh, sure) this certainly dosen,t help my problem.Basically our sex life took a backseat starting 10yrs ago, i dont want to play the blame game but we have both got valid reasons for the downturn. Two yr ago my wife had to go interstate for a AGM and i noticed some condoms missing,god knows why but i checked them the day b4 she left and there were 4 after she had gone there were 2 go figure.Well when she got back i eased the topic into a conversation and caught her by surprise, at first she tried to cover it up by using blame to justify her intent to cheat.We discussed it further and and decided that we were both to blame for the lack of honest communication within the relationship, my concern was then and is now that she was willing to take OUR sex life to a third party without my input.The following year she went to the same AGM interstate and i noticed in a pic she didnt have here wedding ring on (this is very unusual for her) when she returned i didnt say any thing about this in fact to this day i havent mentioned it.Again, but this time she brought up the subject of her playing around and said that this time she had no intention of hooking up as our relationship was on steady grounds and it was except i still dont trust her totally after the condom episode.Bored yet?As i write she is in the USA on a educational with other people that work for the same Group ( home based t/agent)Of course i am having the same concerns as the previous years and because i am out of work and thats all my fault and i,m not doing enough to get a job i think she is having the same intentions the other give away was she left a note pad on her desk which had some reminders she jot don one was Get F Letter, to me that means French Letters/ condoms. I may be paronoid about this but my gut instinct tells me she is looking to cheat ( maybe to save the marriage who knows) my problem is should i bring up my concerns straight away or sit on it and see what else comes up, either way i know i have to address this soon cause i just cant live like this anymore. I really do love my wife she is a great mum and when things are good she is a great wife & friend but i have lost that.I do realize that these situations are normally due to lack of communication but for me it seems like i have been the only one in the relationship doing the communicating. With the pressure of looking for a job and this again i just dont know how to play it. Any advise would be grateful some times fresh eyes can unlock things that staring straight at you.Thanks for reading this i actually feel better just writing about it.CheersFri, 30 Oct 2009 22:58:20 GMTUncleMarkhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1277-5-1.aspxnew to this forum. have been having trouble keeping my anger in check. my outbursts only happen at home and nowhere else. wy wife and i have 3 boys who are not exactly helpful around the house. for a few years now they have been doing the same thing now- eg dropping cups behind lounges and leaving a trail of mess everywhere. i can be okay for days about this and the smallest thing can trigger a explosion. the neighbours all hear it and think im a nut job. the kids are obviosly not the only cause for my temper outburst. any advice from people who may have had same issues would be appreciated. reading this forum helpful as obviosly other people have same problems. thanksThu, 19 Nov 2009 14:26:55 GMTfalcon17http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1224-5-1.aspxI met an 18 year-old girl on a legitimate Australian online dating site, and we've been chatting a lot and getting on really well. She's fun, cute and intelligent. Anyway, we've organised to meet up on Saturday... which I was quite excited about.Then she told me that she was really 16.5, not 18 at all. I'm 25 as of a week ago, and don't know what to do now. I really like this girl and don't meet many people I can get along with this well. But then I fear for her, and what dating an older guy might do to her?Sex isn't an issue by the way, I can wait a long time for that.Any advice would be fantastic, really, any at all.Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:30:41 GMTIntrepidhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1270-5-1.aspxI am a divorced out-of-town father of 2 girls 13yo and 10yo. I pay regular mainteneace, probably too much, but it was what was agreed. For the last 5 months there has been another man in her life and is co-habitating. So my kids have direct daily contact. I want to know who this guy is. She refuses to tell me. How do I get this information? or who/ which dept do I approach to help?How do I know he is not some loony? any help?Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:10:06 GMTOOThttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1265-5-1.aspxwhen a man messes up as a father or husband or sonor employeewe are criticisedbut who is there in this , for many of usin this fatherless - including absent fathers,or disassociated fatherswho mentors us to be the men we'd like to be ?many women are quick to criticise our mistakesbut few women recognise we need men to show us and teach us what manhood ismany councellors are women whom I find in the main do not understand usbearing in mind abuse from mothersmarginalisation of men by many women in positions of powerwe so desparately need our manhood to be affirmedand our mistakes made in ignorance correctedby menSat, 07 Nov 2009 01:35:25 GMTnthnhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1241-5-1.aspxGday all My wife suffers Borderline personality disorder and this weekend i cracked and when she told me to leave i did. Sick of the manipulation and downright distortion of the truth. I made a report to Docs and the cops as the are issues of concern with her self harming etc etc. I have made the decision not to go back but the sad reality is i have 2 kids under 3. In a roundabout way i guess i am asking is where do i go from here?Made appointments at the local legal aid office and a relationship centre for next month (first available) What steps do i need to formalise the separation and head towards divorce?Thanks for reading and any advice. S.Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:52:30 GMTstuhttp://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1244-5-1.aspxHi.I always thought id be a great father and have been looking forward to the birth of my baby girl. everyone around me has always said that i would be a great dad...im a natural!! Well as it turns out im not and im just not coping at all with the nights and trying to settle a crying baby. I am getting so anxious about whether or not she will go to sleep and how long it will take. The ear piercing crying and constant unsettled twitching is driving me insane. I dont know what to do. Im fearing it is really starting to affect my sanity and is going to affect my relationship with my wife. Ive never thought of doing anything bad to my child or anything like that, but it times i feel so helpless i just dont know what to do. It is currently 1am and i have left my wife in bed to soothe the baby whilst im out here looking for help.Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:01:19 GMTcoasty78http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1182-5-1.aspxI have been married for nine years, i found out that my wife is thinking of leaving me. I thought that we had a strong relationship. We are trying a trial separation with me staying in one of our three kids room while two kids now share. From what i can gather it has to do with a build up of 12 years of being together, a bad communication problem where we would forgive each other after an argument instead of talking to resolve the issues at hand.My wife told me that there are still feelings there but the anger is to strong and painful.I have sought out counciling to learn how to deal with the situation and to learn how to cocommunicate with my wife. My first meeting will be on thursday. I have asked my wife to come along to which she doesn't want to see them. It was her idea that i go. Because of this i know i have my plate full to make this work. I have been advised to start a diary of what is on my mind. At this point in time it has made things a lot clearer to me. I rerealise that i have not been the best husband. My wife has got to take some of the blame too and needs to assist in making the marriage work.I think the hardest part is that i love my wife very much, and she doesn't share the same feelings.I tell her how i feel as much as possible, but i am finding it hard to look at her because she doesn't share my feelings.i feel lost and confused. I have been given to the end of the year to change things.Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:59:46 GMTepain1http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Topic1234-5-1.aspxHi I have been married for over twenty years and for many of though years we have had good times.About Eight years ago I suffered a breakdown due to work bulling and attempted to take my own life twice I also threatened to stab my wife (Which I will regret until the day I die).My wife ask me to leave the house and live in her mothers house (her mother had past away) I did this and we had little or no contact for some time .We sold the farm and she moved into the house but in separate rooms we haven’t made love since that day I moved out and the marriage is in trouble.I suffer from major depression now and chronic pain I take all the medication prescribed and try to control my anger but some times it just over whelms me and I say some things some bad. I retreat to my room and go quite. This seems to piss my wife off but I just want to remove my self from the situation before I say more than I should. I still hate my self for what I did to her when I had my breakdown and I can’t seem to get close to her for fear of thinking she loathes me and the through of intimacy will repulse her.I don’t seem to fit in to her life any more unless she needs some repairs of building work done around the house then I am in the good books but when the work is done it is back to the old way.She has told me that she won’t make the first move for intimacy because I rejected her to many times when I had my breakdown.I have come a long way since then I have had counseling medication and have read many books. I have acknowledge that I had screw up and had apologized in writing and in person to her she has told me she loves me but won’t come close to me.Life will be good around the house and then I will make a mistake and bang I am in the @#$! again and around and around we go. I can’t seem to work how to fit in to her life any more If I sit and watch TV with her she is on the computer if I go and play on the computer I am ignoring her.I don’t go out to the pub or to peoples places I don’t have many male friends I find that they seem to use me because I can repair computers and cars.I find that when a group of men get together the conversation becomes gutter talk and badmouthing women and I don’t need that I need talk on how to win my woman back.Where do I go from here I am lost I am lonely and very sad. If I could find a book, video, of how to make amends I would read or watch it over and over until it be came imbedded in to my way of thinking I just want life back the way it was 10 years ago when we couldn’t keep away from each other we laughed and did things together.These days we don’t go out unless it is shopping for food of to garden centers we don’t go to movies or the pub like we used to. Some times I think take all the pills you have and go! You have nothing here on this world any more life sucks big time.YES I stuffed up and I hurt her and I am very sorry please don’t hold it against me for the rest of my life I feel we will never be together again we have drifted to far apart.Sorry for the long life story but I don’t trust any of the people who we know to tell this to.Sad and lonelySean54 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:54:25 GMTsean54