In same-sex male relationships there are key issues that require good communication, like talking about monogamy, discussing the seriousness of a relationship or how to handle going out on the gay scene as a couple.  Before reading this tip sheet please see our Communication in Relationships tip sheet.

Open or closed relationship

• The topic of monogamy often arises in same-sex male relationships.  Even in an established relationship, the open (monogamous) or closed (non-monogamous) status of the relationship may be questioned. 
• Using the guidelines from the Components of Communication tip sheet can be a way for both partners to feel equally part of the discussion.  Remember that this decision has emotional, physical and safety issues attached to it. 
• Regardless of what you and your partner decide, the topic of safe sex needs to be discussed and part of your rules.

For more about safe sex, see http://www.vicaids.asn.au

Serious or non-serious relationship

• Guys may have several non-serious or fun flings before settling down to a more serious relationship.  This may not seem like something particular to same-sex male relationships but due to a minority status, same-sex male relationships have few or no role-models, no expectations, little support and no formalised or legal foundation. Due to this,  same-sex attracted guys may experience more hurdles in finding or establishing long-term relationships as compared to straight guys. 
• Flings and non-serious relationships also have their place and can be fulfilling valid relationships in themselves. 
• An important component of communication within a same-sex male relationship is to negotiate what sort of relationship ‘we’ are having at the moment, or to help in the transition between non-serious and serious relationships, or vice-versa. 

Navigating the gay scene

• A situation that can cause some tension in a same-sex male relationship is going out on the Gay Scene – clubs and bars - as a couple.  Approaches or advances to one or both of you can lead to cracks developing in the foundation of the relationship if rules for this situation are not established. 
• The Really Listening Model will be important for each partner to get across what fears or anxieties they may have about being out on the scene with their partner. 
• Whether open or closed, the rules need to be established so each partner knows where the boundaries are.  Who to talk to, how long to talk to people, talking to others individually or as a couple, and declaring the relationship are all issues that could be discussed in setting the rules for this situation.

No matter how you choose to use the components of communication, it is important that both partners are equally involved and the rules apply to each partner and are agreed upon by both of you.  Relationships will change over time.  In fact, little mini crises happen every now and then to help a relationship evolve into what it needs to be to keep going.  As such the rules of a relationship are not set in stone and can be re-negotiated keeping in mind the components of communication <link>.  Remember relationships are a team sport and good communication keeps the team strong.

This Tip Sheet was created with the help of the Victorian AIDS Council/ Gay Men’s Health Centre

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